How many times I say NO

**CoCo** · 01-08-2009, 05:36 PM

AKKKKKK today is my only Godsons golden birthday. I had bought him a nice modest gift, and a small donation into his savings account that I hold. Well low and behold his parents, friends of ours have been out of work for months, she called me today and asked for cash for a gift and to bring over laundry soap and dish soap.( I gave her $20 last week to get a cake for him) Well I just sent my kids up with the gift and they will get what I bought, no soap and no more handouts.

I know jobs are hard to find but they booth are out of work, so one could settle for a low wage job to get them though.

I't hard to say NO

**MommyBliss** · 01-08-2009, 05:47 PM

I would stick by my guns too. I've had to do that with a dear friend of mine. I've always been more than generous to her and to her son, but then she started telling me things she wanted as gifts and it was just way too much money. It also took the fun out of gift giving.

**bumplett** · 01-08-2009, 06:07 PM

wow, that's tough.

does she ask as if she expects it, or is it difficult for her to ask for help?

If I had a friend that really needed these items, I'd send them - because I'd know how hard it was for them to ask in the first place....

but then again, we have family that will try to make you feel sorry for them ... and we stopped helping.

you know your friend. If you really think she needs help, would it really hurt to send something like soap?

otherwise, if you think she's just using you to her advantage, I say SQUASH HER LIKE A BUG.

**LuvMyHubby** · 01-08-2009, 07:45 PM

That is a tough one. I may be inclined to give a very inexpensive bottle of each just once with the understanding that you cannot afford to do this again. Most towns have a general assistance program where people can get help with rent, food and basic items like tp and dish soap and such. I would direct her there if your town has one.

Beyond that, I guess I would just politely say that I was sorry and I don't have any money or resources to spare right now.

**MamaTreadler** · 01-08-2009, 08:25 PM

I would have been tempted to tuck the recipe for homemade detergent into the card....

**lotsadebt** · 01-09-2009, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by MamaTreadler

I would have been tempted to tuck the recipe for homemade detergent into the card....

Wonderful Idea! If things were really that desperate, and you would be the one to judge; send the recipie and the fixin's for the homemade detergent. Also quote her how much she could save by making it herself. Teach someone to fish kind of thing. Then you can walk away with a clean concience

**Clutterbug Jen** · 01-09-2009, 09:38 AM

I can't believe that the mother would wait until the day OF his birthday and then call to ask you to give him money.

For crying out loud, you'd think that she would have known that you had his present bought especially by the day of his birthday!

**Jayne** · 01-09-2009, 09:43 AM

You did the right thing!..Your friend is needing to help herself and not expect you to help her!..

**hippytreehugger4ever** · 01-09-2009, 05:28 PM

It is beyond rude for someone to dictate to you what you should give them as a gift, and then ask for laundry and dish soap(neither of which is cheap unless your an uber coupon shopper).

**peanut** · 01-09-2009, 06:14 PM

Hmmm...this sounds like someone who is either desperate or a user. Be careful you know which it is. I would suggest sending her to area churches for help, or to local poverty assistance organizations. It sounds like this is beyond a short term "Gee I ran out of soap. Can I borrow some?" thing. The couple needs serious help. And, in either case, these organizations are there to help her.

Jean

**angelbumpkin** · 01-09-2009, 10:34 PM

It's ok to help friends once in a while but not adopting them. For someone to dictate what you give them is shameful. People need to learn to help themselves.

Send the homemade laundry soap and recipe.

**Michelle** · 01-09-2009, 10:56 PM

I agree with bumplett in terms of how she asked plays a big factor in my decision for something like this.

Great idea for the homemade detergent recipe.

And I am always amazed at the rude behavior of people who request particular gifts...even more offensive when they ask for cash.

**CoCo** · 01-12-2009, 07:49 PM

Thanks all, I feel I did the right thing. But again today she asked for a sum of $165 for a fine her husband had while driving drunk. I said no way.I don't think she will ask again as I said I will not help them anymore, cant afford too. YEA for me. as I can't give no more

**jayneluvsmickey** · 01-12-2009, 09:02 PM

Originally Posted by CoCo

Thanks all, I feel I did the right thing. But again today she asked for a sum of $165 for a fine her husband had while driving drunk. I said no way.I don't think she will ask again as I said I will not help them anymore, cant afford too. YEA for me. as I can't give no more

glad you feel good about your choice

it's not easy to say "no" to a friend