Comments from people

[ForMiri]

I've been wondering what you would say to people that question a frugal life?

My husband and I have been getting a lot of 'opinions' about the fact that we have one car and we don't want another...one guy at his work even after my husband said we are fine with one, goes, "I'll keep an eye out for a good one" as in he was gonna look for a deal on a car for us!!!?

And another guy was very concerned about me getting out...if I wanted a car I'd get one, I am fine with using it at night and weekends...and I don't plan to go into debt to get one....plus the insurance and gas and repairs...

And then yet another person was questioning the fact that he was not gonna have a car at some month long training on a military base...it just isn't necessary...he can rent a bike..he's already wondering how to avoid all the beer drinking nights while he's there, where budgets fly out the windows...

Do men get more of an attitude from people than women when trying to be frugal? Maybe it's just cause I am home now and don't have to turn down co-workers to eat out at lunch anymore....

[Thevail]

I think men really do get a lot more guff from other guys about being frugal "cheap".

Whereas you'll almost always hear women complaining about being judged by the size of their jeans...men tend to get judged in our society by the size of their wallets.

Men who don't "buy a round for the guys", or talk about the new shiny giant SUV, mercedes, or truck they're planning to get...are simply seen as either cheap or poor.

Since men tend to judge each other by their ability to "provide" or even just "spend" it gets interpreted as a man's failure to do so if he behaves in a frugal way.

DH went through this at work (I swear construction guys can be the least enlightened people in the world).

But he got branded as cheap rather than poor because they all know how much they get paid per hour.

I told him, just ignore it...they're idiots. But it really hurt his feelings.

[sunshine]

Our standard answer is "it works for us". . . and if they get judgemental "why would you say such a thing?" usually shuts them up?

My son is military -- he gets out of the drinking/partying by claiming he needs to study (he's taking college classes online). They leave him alone then. . . . he and his wife had only one car, until they had a baby -- now they have 2, but only one payment.

[Edna_E]

I agree that men are often judged (or judge themselves) by their ability to "provide" - even when it is utterly ridiculous. Logic and feelings, however, don't necessarily move along the same track in the same direction. Soooo, be aware that your hubby may be proud of his frugality and ashamed of it at the same time. You are shielded by your distance from other workers (and trust me! I've seen women turn pretty catty about frugal women also), but are still likely to be subjected to some people's inability to comprehend some of your choices. Remember that they ARE choices - YOUR choices! Remind yourselves of why you are making (and they are ongoing, not past) those choices - like "I could afford to buy a new Toyota if I were willing to take on the debt, but I prefer the secure feeling of having almost no debt in my life."

Should you ever feel an overwhelming urge to snap back at someone who is being particularly rude, I strongly recommend trying to overcome it and walk away. But I still enjoy the memory of the look on a coworker's face who was claiming pity for me that I didn't have a newer car, when I said, "Yeah. We all have to make choices. I'll never understand how ANY mother can choose to spend more on her vanity than she saves for her kids education!" - that particular coworker spends over $100 per week on her nails alone, and has expensive hair and gets massages but is complaining about how much it will cost to send her 1st son to college at a state school and we get a 40% discount on tuition and fees! She knew she fit the description, and I don't think she'd ever added it up. So, I laugh at the memory of her face, and then feel ashamed because I know that it was just plain mean on my part - and that is NOT a characteristic I want to develop.

[Thevail]

You know, I think it's probably a contrast with women and frugality in another way too.

For a woman the "bad" stereotype is the high maintenance power shopper, out there blowing all "his" money on frivolous nonsense.

So if a woman is "thrifty", she's defeated the bad stereotype. She is seen as a good wife and mother, a decent simple girl. Putting her family's financial health above her own selfish wants.

But since it's always seen as "his" money (unfair at best) he's seen as cheap or hen-pecked if he is "thrifty" with his own money.

Women are just as guilty as men of putting guys into this position. Most women (probably not the one's on here though ) wouldn't want to date a guy more than once who whipped out 2 for 1 dinner coupons on a date.

[marjorie]

I like the comment about 2 for 1 coupons on a date. I actually brought some along and asked if he'd mind if we used them. The relief on his face was priceless! He wouldn't have brought it up because he didn't want to look cheap, but I've known about his expenses for a long time.

[ravenmaniac]

I have enjoyed reading everyone's posts. My husband is not a frugal person, although he is starting to catch on. I hope in time he will make a transition. I do find men can be ruthless when it comes to spending money. It is a shame that's how most measure their worth. Seems like the bumper sticker "He who dies with the most toys wins" is right, sometimes.

[MomToTwoBoys]

I guess my DH is pretty lucky because the guys at his work are understanding. He told his boss that he really needs 40 hours a week and his boss is completely fine with it. It's more of a family feel at his work and the people that work there are more understanding of him changing his lifestyle so we're taken care of than if we were being frivilous.

One of the guys that I know from playing a game online is like, "You don't want to see my spending habits. You'd hate me." but he knows it's all good because of our frugal lifestyle. We joke around about it but that's only because we're really good friends. My friends have been totally supportive of what we're doing and they even ask how things are going, which is a bonus for us. It helps keep me going when things are a bit iffy.

I think that in order for these people to understand why we do the things we do, they need to walk a mile in our shoes first. They're not going to understand why we cut back on eating out, refuse to take on a second automobile or cut back on our food budget by eating leftovers all of the time. Some of it is pride, the rest of it is the inability to see how much good it really does for people's happiness.

[rachelMcK]

I think women can be just as bad, just not about the same things. Men judge men on their skills to "provide". Women judge women on what they own. I can count how many times I've heard the discussion at work with my cashiers. "Guess what, I just bought the new coach bag with matching wristlet and wallet"...next sentence..."oh my god, my credit card bill is so high, give me more hours"....

[JustMegan79]

Generally, in the area I live in, no one says anything about individual choices (sturdy country stock 'round here!) However...if something should be said about why dont you have XYZ, you could tell hubby to point blank look at them and say...Why do you care what I have? or....Why is it so important to YOU that I have XYZ....or....Are you gonna buy it for me?

If he didnt want to be so pointed, he could simply say we have one car because we only need one and are saving the money for XYZ (your own choice XYZ not thiers.)

I think we have to really shrug off those comments or negativity or those people trying to infect us with affluenza, because it can bring us down if we let it. Just realize we all have choices, and choices have consequences. Everyone's are different.

[WV_mom_of2]

I guess I just don't really care what other people think about it. I kind of live by this rule.... If and when you start paying my bills and providing for my family, then you can make comments. Until then, it's none of your business! Dh is even more this way than I am LOL.

We would just tell them that we are happy with our lifestyle. Stick to your guns and they will lay off eventually!

[Momto2Boyz]

I actually got a kick out of people commenting about our frugality.

Here is a good one... We also went a year and a half without a car. We just recently bought one, because both kids are now in school and are getting older and we can no longer just walk everywhere. But during that time, I got comments all the time about why we didn't have a car (and honestly, I think people were fishing to find out if we were just too poor to buy one, or if it was a choice). Anyhoo, when asked about it, I would simply state that by selling my car, I am saving almost $10K per year in car payments, insurance, gas, and maintenence. Then I'd stop and tell them that our primary reason for not owning a second car was environmental. I'd go off on a tangent about personal responsibility and air pollution (which I believe, but the tangent was more to make them zip their lip, then to actual preach environmentalism to them), then I'd ask them what steps they'd taken to make our world a cleaner place! I always got the same response..."Well, I recycle!" And they would not say another word to me about my choices!

I actually found the whole deal rather amusing, since I took their rude question and turned the tables on them!

I think the world views frugality like this: Its ok to live frugally if you have some money, it's not ok, if you have to live frugally becuase you don't have enough money. And those views make no sense to me, but when DH and I didn't have any money, we felt people veiwed us very negatively and now that we have more money coming in, and we choose to be frugal with it, or friends think it's great and ask us for tips on how to save. It's weird.

(And I apologize for any typos...I'm up very early this morning and just finished my first cup of coffee...only my typing fingers don't know it yet! )

[2ndGenGranola]

Luckily I have a handful of friends that embrace a similar lifestyle, so we don't get too much from them.

As my name suggests, I am not the first one in my family to embrace these "unusual" skills. I have the privilege of watching my Mother (now passed) deal with these people. I watched her get made fun of for washing plastic spoons, washing zipper bags, saving butter containers, using heath food instead of processed, etc... Now that I have had 30-40 years to watch both choices through various economies, struggles and issues, I wouldn't trade places with any of the negative comment people. Mom by far had the richest life. I think part of it comes from being who you are and not trying to make others think you are someone you are not. All of the people who made the comments have crashed and hit bottom - sometimes more than once. Mom always let them know that their price was more than what it appeared on the surface. That become more obvious during the low points - when they couldn't keep up with this faux image they had created for themselves. Then in creeps embarrassment, depression and such. Then there are the "give me" kids they raised which only compounded their problems. The children are in their 30's now and the mommy and daddy are still paying their bills and bailing them out because they just had to have that high end, fully loaded pick up truck but couldn't afford to pay the hospital bill.

Just remember that the crowd gets upset at those who blow the curve. They spend theirs days telling people it is not possible then someone like us pops in who not only shows that its possible but we are happy, adjusted, and not hurting. It is just like in school when most of the class parties then makes a low score. They blame the teacher, the material, etc...but then comes the 1 or 2 who studied and showed that their excuses were just that - excuses. Don't worry about blowing the curve. You "studied". Enjoy.

[tigo]

DH works with others in a frugal mindset so it isn't a big deal for him. On the other hand, I work with people who seem to be status driven. They have gotten used to my penny pinching ways. After a few years, people have learned their comments won't make me bat an eyelash and they will come to me for advice. For us, family members are the worst offenders. We just always tell them "hey, if you want to buy (whatever it is they are pushing) we will use it." Only have to say it a few times for it to sink in.

[Gardengal18]

People used to tease me all the time about my being "cheap" as they would call it. They would go out to dinner, go out for lunch, go out for drinks, go to concerts, spend, spend, spend and spend some more, while I constantly remained true to my values.

Well, now that they are loosing their jobs and loosing sleep over how they are going to pay all the bills, I'm sleeping very well at night knowing that because of my "cheapness" I was able to stash away 1 year's worth of living expenses. Who's Laughing Now???