Nightmares -frugality and money nightmares

**imagine** · 04-13-2009, 10:11 AM

I have been having money and frugality nightmares recently.

In my waking life hubby has been acting differently lately. Saying things like "You know you don't have to buy cranberry juice if it isn't on sale" or I suggested going out to eat ( which he use to jump at)says "I'm sure we can find something here" When I showed him my new bra that my mother bought me he said "How did you buy that?" and after my temporary week at work Hubby asked "So are you ready to go back to work full time?"

Also soon we are going to have to stop renting son's cello and purchase one. We have paid a little over 1,000 to rent his cello and if we purchase another student cello we get 70% of that but will still owe a little over 1,000 or we could purchase a concert grade cello and get 100% of our money back but we would owe about 2,500 more. Concert cello is probably out of our price range alough Hubby says if son gets first chair and holds on to it we will think about the concert grade one.

I have been trying to be as frugal as I can. I think the night mares might be because I'm thinking/worrying that frugality might not be enough to met out needs and that what we can provide ( like the cello etc) might not be good enough.

Am I the only one who feels this way at least from time to time? How do I stop feeling this way? How do I stop the frugal/money night mares?

**Denvergirlie** · 04-13-2009, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by imagine

I have been having money and frugality nightmares recently.

I have been trying to be as frugal as I can. I think the night mares might be because I'm thinking/worrying that frugality might not be enough to met out needs and that what we can provide ( like the cello etc) might not be good enough.

Am I the only one who feels this way at least from time to time? How do I stop feeling this way? How do I stop the frugal/money night mares?

Are you doing the best you can do? Can you stop buying the cranberry juice unless it's on sale and then stock up at that time?

Sounds like a sit down budget meeting is in order with your DH. Do you have common goals that you are both working towards?

If you truely are doing the best you can, then you have to let the other stuff go. Only worry about the things you personally can control.

I try not to worry about losing my job due to lay off. Why? Because I have no control over that. I do have some control over not getting fired... as such I make sure I give 100%+ at work.

Good luck

**imagine** · 04-13-2009, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by Denvergirlie

Are you doing the best you can do? Can you stop buying the cranberry juice unless it's on sale and then stock up at that time?

Sounds like a sit down budget meeting is in order with your DH. Do you have common goals that you are both working towards?

If you truely are doing the best you can, then you have to let the other stuff go. Only worry about the things you personally can control.

I try not to worry about losing my job due to lay off. Why? Because I have no control over that. I do have some control over not getting fired... as such I make sure I give 100%+ at work.

Good luck

We have sat down. We are doing better in all categories (except electric/gas that has gone up a bit).The only thing that hasn't changed is Hubby's income that has stayed the same for the last three years.

Maybe reality and fantasy have hit head on. Dreaming of the better cello for son when the cheaper one will probably do (although I worry it won't be good enough and I hate the fact we will be "losing" 20%) or wanting to stay home when it might really be time to head back to work and help supplement the income (although I'm having a really hard time trying to figure out how that will work especially after the week I did work- our school system is so set up for families with a stay at home parent)

**peanut** · 04-13-2009, 12:28 PM

You know, when I get real confused like you are over the cello, I sit down and write up a list of Pros and Cons of each decision. Then I share it with DH for input. We prioritize the importance of each point on the list. After that it is usually obvious what we need to decide. And we go from there.

Maybe your DH is worried as he has seen no increase in pay over the last 3 years. That would make things a little tight. I don't know what the inflation rate in the US has been the last three years. But I bet it's at least 2% a year. That would erode your buying power by 6%.

And, after all, cranberry juice is not a necessity in life. It's a luxury. Maybe he's realizing that...or he's just not that fond of cranberry juice!

{{{Hugs}}}

**imagine** · 04-13-2009, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by peanut

You know, when I get real confused like you are over the cello, I sit down and write up a list of Pros and Cons of each decision. Then I share it with DH for input. We prioritize the importance of each point on the list. After that it is usually obvious what we need to decide. And we go from there.

Maybe your DH is worried as he has seen no increase in pay over the last 3 years. That would make things a little tight. I don't know what the inflation rate in the US has been the last three years. But I bet it's at least 2% a year. That would erode your buying power by 6%.

And, after all, cranberry juice is not a necessity in life. It's a luxury. Maybe he's realizing that...or he's just not that fond of cranberry juice!

{{{Hugs}}}

Yeah, I'm sure he is a bit worried about the no increase in pay over the last three years. And because he is worried I'm worried. Probably one of the reasons for the nightmares.

I'll have to make a pros and cons list for the different cellos but I'm pretty sure that the student cello will win out but I still fear that it won't be good enough.

Cranberry Juice, for me, is in the gray area between want and need. It helps keep my water retention down which is good for my blood pressure plus it cures soda cravings for me. Hubby just loves it. I think he thought I was buying it for him as a constant treat. Which is why he made the "only on sale" sort of thing. Now that he knows the reason I buy it he doesn't complain but I have seen him drinking less of it.

**Must-Stash** · 04-13-2009, 02:23 PM

Is it possible he's worried about something and hesitates to worry you before he absolutely has to? For most men it's difficult to come right out with issues of providing for their family.

Pick a quiet, relaxed time together and ask him if it's really about the cranberry juice.

**Contrary Housewife** · 04-13-2009, 02:48 PM

I had money/food nightmares during that period when DH was out of work for a year and we hit rock bottom. We always had food during that, but my subconscious must have been worrying. I think it was part of the reason I started stockpiling. Having a good stockpile helps me feel secure about that aspect of our life. Ultimately, nightmares tend to result from an 'out of control' feeling.

Cranberry juice is expensive. I love it too. Have you tried the frozen? It's a little cheaper. Also some of the blends can be cheaper than just straight cranberry.

I understand about the cello, it's a big investment of money and it's a little scary. I felt like that this December when we had to pay our taxes, it was a huge expense and even though we had the money saved for it, because DH was unemployed and things were so tight I was terrified to see so much go for one thing -- but we had no choice but to pay it.

It might be time to go over the budget and see if it needs revising. You say you are doing good, but are there changes you can make (even temporary ones) that can affect your bottom line? This is something you control, and being proactive could help.

After 3 years with no raise my DH would be looking for a new job. Are those options available to you guys? Is there training available for an advanced position that he can take? Again, being proactive gives you a sense of control over your situation.

**Michelle** · 04-13-2009, 04:24 PM

I don't have any different advice than what's already been given, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having nightmares and to offer

**WV_mom_of2** · 04-13-2009, 04:39 PM

I have had several money nightmares over the last year. I dream on a regular basis that the bank is taking our house. We are nowhere near that, but for some reason I dream it. I also dream that all of our food is gone and my kids are hungry. Again, not happening, but it bothers me still.

I just do what I can. I know that we aren't in any danger of foreclosure at this time so I try to just put the dream out of my head and plan ahead to be sure we won't be there! I have a good stockpile and I am actively working to build it even bigger by buying things on sale.

HUGS!

**justpeachy92** · 04-13-2009, 04:50 PM

I read this article about the meaning of dreams earlier today. http://astrocenter.astrology.msn.com...0414&GT1=21001 Depending how much stock you take into these kinds of things, perhaps your dreams is your subconcious (sp) dealing with another issue. A few nights ago I dreamt that my dh received a large bonus at work. After reading the above article I am wondering if my dream as more to do with me questioning myself about going back to school. I was enrolled fulltime this semester, and withdrew from my classes in march due to a diabetes diagnosis, sugars weren't coming undercontrol, so I decided to eliminate stress to focus on my health. In the few weeks since that decision my sugars are near normal, and I have been really enjoying being a mom and wife without the added stress of school. In the article it says dreaming of a large sum of money coming in symbolizes that your values are becoming very clear to you. Maybe at this time I am just meant to be a mom and wife, and not a student.

**peanut** · 04-13-2009, 04:57 PM

About the cello... Have you talked to his music teacher? Or the local Conservatory of Music? They might be able to direct you to what would be best for him at this point in time...given your budget.

**ladytoysdream** · 04-13-2009, 05:59 PM

Hi
Couple of quick thoughts here.
Can you water the cranberry juice down with water , so like half water, half juice ? Can you find it in frozen ? Check different stores.

The musical instrument.....maybe the teacher might have some ideas. Or where you rent it.....tell them you have a tight budget right now and what other options, choices can they suggest ? Maybe they can cut you some kind of deal on it. The way the economy is, it would seem you should have some bargaining power.

**imagine** · 04-13-2009, 06:14 PM

Originally Posted by ladytoysdream

Hi
Couple of quick thoughts here.
Can you water the cranberry juice down with water , so like half water, half juice ? Can you find it in frozen ? Check different stores.

The musical instrument.....maybe the teacher might have some ideas. Or where you rent it.....tell them you have a tight budget right now and what other options, choices can they suggest ? Maybe they can cut you some kind of deal on it. The way the economy is, it would seem you should have some bargaining power.

We water all juices down with half water. My mom did this when I was a kid and full strength juice tastes strange to me. The kids think that is how you "make" juice pour it half way up your cup and add water to the top.

We are renting the instrument now have been for three years. $40 a month. When you buy you get 50% back for a used cello and 70% back for a student cello and 100% back for a concert grade cello. Then you have a year to pay off the instrument so they divide your remainder by 12. So it feels like we are wasting money to keep renting. But as one friend said at least he isn't "putting miles" on his forever cello yet. His teacher will check out any instrument we wish to buy. We have a very big orchestra here so I'm sure the store is not hurting from the economy so I not sure I would have much negotiating power.

**imagine** · 04-13-2009, 06:15 PM

Originally Posted by peanut

About the cello... Have you talked to his music teacher? Or the local Conservatory of Music? They might be able to direct you to what would be best for him at this point in time...given your budget.

We have several people his cello teacher his orchestra people and a very knowledgeable music store to help us.

**Kazoo** · 04-13-2009, 08:19 PM

Have you tried running budget numbers for a worst-case scenario? Sometimes that can have the unexpected effect of being reassuring, when you find that you are in fact going to be just fine. It's the old business of the unknown being the thing that scares us the most. And if the outcome is not what you had hoped for, you can tinker with the numbers and find a way. For example, with summer coming up, could your son get a few jobs mowing lawns or pulling weeds to help out?