how involved are your spouses in your frugality?

[winner]

Hello there,
I read so much about frugality and being frugal myself I can say I am proud of how I manage my lifestyle. During such a bad recession I am glad I am not trapped with all sort of debts (only mortage $98.000 CND). I learned so much from you ladies, all your tips are very valuable. I do have one question, how involved are your husbands in daily frugal life? How do you train them? We have been marriaed over 3 years with ups and downs, money was no object to my husband untill now. I being single mom bringing 2 kids on my own know the value of the money. When I talk about budgeting, planning, saving, coupons, sales and bying in bulk, the look on my husband's face is: like he is from different planet. He is a nice man, loving and caring but had no finincial obligations and responcibilities.
Now he is in UK looking for a job (here he tried everything without of luck), I might move there in September. We are 51 and 52 and planning to stay in UK until we are 60 then comeback to Canada. Being causious, I am not selling here my condo, furniture, etc.
I am a risk taker, and it will be a change for me, I know I will be OK. I am very resoursfull and hardworking. In UK we will start over from scratch I am looking forward where we both will be equals in building our financial base. Here I felt like I was sugar mama to a grown-up teenager, now joing him in UK hopefully he will learn the language I was trying for 3 years ( Frugal) and understand that life can be very difficult and blowing all your money (not on me) wasn't very wise think to do.
Can you please share you secrets in involving your husband in frugality without of taking that Macho ego from them.
Thank you

[mauimagic]

My DH supports my frugal ideas more often than not. He's really good at creating meals on little money,but doesn't understand stockpiling. He still uses paper towels even though we have plenty of cloth to use for a variety of purposes.

I think that a large part of the problem is me because I take care of all our finances, so he really isn't in the know. That being said, he does love to spend money!!

We are slowly still working things out - like everything it's a process. I think talking in terms of "if we do this, then we won't be able to do that" has had an influence.....and all that means is communication - more important than ever!!

Good luck and keep us in the loop as to what is happening in your lives!!

[Thevail]

My hubby is very involved... at the theoretical level. But I handle all the practical end of it. But since I'm a stay at home mom, I'm the one who is always here to do the shopping, bill paying, coupon clipping, etc. etc.

I'm not sure he could do nearly as well on his own, but then it's pretty hard to be frugal without quite a bit of time. But he's a "saver" anyway, sometimes to the point where it actually costs him money. He'll put money in savings regularly, even if it means a late fee on a bill.

Or he'll avoid shopping until whatever it is absolutely wears or runs out, thus missing buying it on sale and so he has to pay full price every time.

But we have a really old fashioned marriage.. and I mean really old fashioned. He makes the money and I make it work somehow. That was a lot harder in the bad old minimum wage days, let me tell you!

The keys for us working together on frugality seem to be pretty simple though.

Communication is really important, both partners need to know how much money there actually is and what it's being spent on. And they need to more-or-less agree on how the money is spent.

No one makes a purchase over $500 unless the other agrees. Even at Christmas and birthdays, we each agree to stay within a certain budget.

We have a top financial goals priority list which we go over about every six months, more often if something comes up. Right now it's 1) new furnace 2) pay extra on house principle.

But we have fun too, we just put "fun" in the budget.

[frugalwarrior]

My husband is so busy w/ his job and the travel required i run everything in the household. He rarely spends money but is learning to get discounts now. The other day we bought $50. worth of books between 4 people and we grouped to get the $10. gift card. If we have an expired coupon he is the one I send to get the discount. It has taken time but he is learning and learning well. He never runs the washer or dishwasher unless its full. He uses coupons for haircuts and oil changes. I am proud of him mostly. Every once in awhile he hesitates when he shouldn't and gets cheap (or squingy,as he calls it). Last week we had the oppertunity to buy 2 computer systems for $100. each and he would only get 1. But in his defense I handle the books so he isn't always sure of how much "xtra" capital we have. He has come a long way from the young guy who found coupons embarassing.

[ladytoysdream]

Mine has gotten a lot better through the years. He does like to spend money though. I end up being the tightwad meanie to keep our budget on target.
I end up looking ahead and making sure we have the money sitting in the bank when once a year bills comes due. Especially our property taxes, as we don't use a escrow. Sometimes it becomes very stressful as he knows we have money in the bank, and he finds something he wants to spend it on. I have learned to say no as I don't see a way for him to put it back in time.
We are low income and have to budget. I keep telling him if he wants to spend, he needs to find a part time job to go with his full time job. I can live within our means. I may not like it, but that is the reality around here. He has learned a lot though. I just have to keep reminding him.

[dwallyfam]

My husband used to want to spend all the time. NOw we are at the point where he wants to save everything. He is trying.

[baxjul]

My dh picks on me about it, but he really does try to help. He has also been researching solar power for the house.

[Pemberleyan]

I am in a different situation. My husband is more frugal than I am in some ways, but I am basically the bill-payer. When we married, we both had savings accounts, but he was more diligent about adding to his. His parents aren't typical consumers -- they live rather frugally, so he was raised that way. We don't live on a budget, but keep a pantry and try to only buy things on sale. He's just not a spender really. He rarely buys anything for himself.

[Grainlady]

I have a wonderful husband - especially when it comes to money and being frugal. Mostly because we've always had the same financial goals - RETIREMENT, with dignity! Which precludes a "ME" syndrome for either of us.

We're also both "thinkers", so anything we get that has a big price tag, we'll think it through together - look before we leap kind of people. So there's something to be considered in personality types when it comes to money and spending.

We're also in the "consult each other if a purchase is going to be over a certain amount" crowd. He's so busy working, it would be RARE for him to spend more money than he has in his pocket at any one time. We each get "walking around" (allowance) money each week and his seems to accumulate more than get spent. He has a debit card, but the only time he uses it is for gas when we are on vacation.

I take care of most day-to-day expenses, along with those tasks. Large purchases we make together after we discuss our finances to cover the purchase. We usually make those purchases together (we're a "joined-at-the-hip" couple who like to spend time together).

There are also psychological issues to consider with how people spend money; and occasionally those issues need attended to by a mental health-care professional - rather than a "nagging wife" or a "control-freak husband".

Our neighbor could stand some professional counceling on the subject of money. He's gone from being poor, working extremely hard to becoming a doctor, and has what Dave Ramsey calls "doc-itis". Without going into details, his priorties are all screwed-up and his banker seems to see nothing wrong with financing all his "dreams".

[rowdy35]

My husband is a spender. So am I really but we don't have the money to spend. We have been in such a tough financial spot since we met and it's been difficult to reign him in so to speak. He is fifty years old and set in his ways.

I have tried to "control" his spending with some success but it hasn't been easy. I am naturally the type of person who requires security because I was raised by a single mother and we were always broke. He doesn't understand that and says spend today, who cares about tomorrow.

It's not a process that happens over night but if you open up the dialogue and discuss the financial constraints things should hopefully get better. It's difficult to talk about money and delaying gratification with someone who doesn't want to have that talk.

[Julzyann7]

My husband and I were both big spenders...thus the debt we are faced with now. We acquired a bunch of "it's not that much" stuff both before and after we got together. Now that I am trying to change our lifestyle and spending so we can really hit this debt - he is on board, but doesn't quite get it. I handle all of our personal finances and he relies on me for how much money we have/spend. He doesn't quite get that I am pinching for a purpose - he sees the debt in big numbers, not that my little numbers can add up!
He has a bad fast food and gas station habit. I pack his lunch and snacks but he still stops and gets dip (which is an expensive habit!) and drinks, etc. He doesn't that $1 here and a $1 there can add up to $100 really quick! So now I give him a weekly update on what he has spent - total for the month on this : $... (and I write it down for him, it's much more effective on paper!) He is very apologetic, and I am slowly changing his mindset - hopefully towards the "think before you buy" mindset. As some others have said, an open dialogue - and a "we got in this together, we will get out together" attitude to debt, and an "our money" attitude may help him realize that he plays a BIG part in your finances!

[Thevail]

(we're a "joined-at-the-hip" couple who like to spend time together).

.

Us too. I really think it helps. We're so in tune with each other on most topics, that I can't imagine us really being so far apart on anything that we couldn't come to workable compromise.

How we appraoch problems may be very different, (EX. He'll work overtime to make more money, and I'll clip coupons and turn off the lights to spend less) but we always seem to agree on which problem needs to be tackled.

[lilyrose]

My husband isn't so bad (hey. we went to garage sales on our first date!). However, he tends to spend a little more than me. All the little things add up. He's the kind that if it's cheap at the store and/or garage sale (and cool), he should get it. Many times it just sits then at home. Those little things add up, AND it takes up room. I'm working on him. He's getting better (not like when I came home to find a big arcade video game in our garage). I'm working on packing his lunch, so he doesn't eat as much fast food. His big deal right now is he feels he deserves a big screen TV. Granted - he does research it quite thoroughly to find the bestest and greatest deal. However, this really isn't the time for us to make such a big purchase.

[forHISglory]

Hubby and I are on the same page. However, he is at the top of the page, while I am at the bottom!

[Contrary Housewife]

DH is totally on board with our frugal budget, as long as he gets to buy toys once in a while. He works hard and makes good money and has a lot of peer pressure to have the latest tech gadgets and whatnot, but he is pretty good about ignoring most of it. Every once in a while he wants something, and we work on it. I ask him to get on the web and look for a good sale on whatever he wants. Or I'll look at the bank account and say that if we don't eat out or spend money on other stuff this month, we can go buy it next month, and that usually works.

And once in a while I'll say "we don't have the money for it" or "we spent XXX last month, it has to wait" and he'll want to know where the heck all our money went. I get out the bank statement and show him. The utilities cost this much every month, we spent X on gas, Y on groceries, Z on that trip to the hobby shop.... etc. Once he sees how it all adds up, he gets it.

I also talk "emergency fund" once in a while, about saving some money because the car is acting up or something in the house is wearing out (like our screen door). This keeps him in the loop with my financial planning, even though he isn't making decisions, he knows about it.



Afterward, living on a very tight (and sometimes impossible) budget for a number of years