Depression, Part II

**Guest57** · 07-11-2009, 02:01 PM

First, I want to say a HUGE "thank you" to all of you for being so supportive, helpful...
In reading over your comments, I started to see something! I am stay at home mom, that homeschools 2 teenagers (and no we don't argue and yes, they both get along tremendously!) and my hubby has a good job...
I am beginning to see the problem arise and maybe now I can figure out how to fix that problem...I have a nice home, 20 years old, and although it is not my style (too modern!), it is lovely and I live in a good neighborhood. But it does not look like the woman who runs this home cares at all! I spend my days with the usual cooking, running one child to sports, one to 4H, tidying up constantly, baking then cleaning the kitchen AGAIN, etc. and I have a little girl (she and her mom are homeless) that I watch, but if you were too look around my home, it looks like whoever runs this place (ME!!) has just given up...on her house, her goals and dreams to have a cozy place to rest from the world.
SO, here is where I am going with this 'blog' of sorts...is it really not that I mind not wasting food or money? Is it really exciting inside to find great coupons and food deals and then leave the store knowing I conquered the high price game? Is it not so bad to go without the extras that once I acquire them, don't know why I thought I needed them?! Could it be that I spend too much time here, taking care of everyone else? Do I need to get out of the house for awhile so I can feel refreshed? Is my house really 'awesome', but I am just not seeing it?!?!
I used to go to my friends houses, on their requests, and walk in and just start rearranging furniture, clearing out their clutter, and helping them be more organized in their kitchens...could it be that I no longer see the 'potential' in my own home?
I THANK YOU AGAIN for helping me to work through this dilemma...I know to some it might not seem like such a bad thing, but it has been like the darkest cloud hanging over my head and I just can't shake this 'funk' that I am in....
PLEASE if you have a teensy bit more patience with me, to offer some more advice. I canno tell you how much it means to have 'friends' to go to. I'm used to being the supportive one, not the one needing the support!
BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL!!

**Debbie-cat** · 07-11-2009, 02:13 PM

First, I think you need to start doing something just for you outside the home. Go to the library and take your time browsing through the books to find something you like, take a book to a coffee shop and sit, have a nice cuppa and people watch or read, take a walk through a park...there are so many things you could do that wouldn't cost any money but you leave the home and do something for just yourself.

Second, I think you need to re-evaluate your own home. You said it isn't how you would like it (too modern), add fresh picked flowers, hit garage sales and buy little knicknacks, pictures ect that you love and want to put in your home. Make a quilt, crochet an afghan, something that would add coziness to your surroundings. Look at your home from different eyes and I am sure you could re-decorate to how you want with very little money....you just need some creativity.

One thing that I have found that has really helped me in enjoying my home is slowing down. Be mindful of your chores and do them well. Don't just rush through them, not paying attention to what you are doing. I find, when I take my time doing my dishes, making my bed and dusting or cleaning that I am doing it for me and my family. My home is their safe haven and you are providing that for them. A home isn't just a place where you lay your head at night. It is a place where there is happiness, safety, love, support and even anger. It is a place where you are making memories for your children and yourself and hubby. So when you are doing your chores, think of that...remember that everything you do in your home is something you should love because it makes your house a home.

**ladykemma2** · 07-11-2009, 02:20 PM

sounds like you have not been paying attention to your need for beauty

**Guest57** · 07-11-2009, 02:27 PM

LADYKEMMA2, what does this mean...can you explain?
THANKS!!

**peanut** · 07-11-2009, 08:05 PM

You badly need some "YOU" time to nurture yourself. If you can't get it at home...get out for it. I like the idea of the library. But if you need to be in a calm environment away from kids you might want to just go to a cafe and order tea. For $2 a week you can park your butt with a magazine for about an hour or more before staff start glancing meaningfully your way! The trick is to find an out of the way cafe with reasonable prices.

Or head to the park and just lounge around with a magazine. Or go for a walk with a camera and take pics. Or go birdwatching someplace. Or...well...whatever suits your fancy!

But you badly need time for YOU!

As for the house, well, all I can say is I gave up until the girls left home. Then I redid it the way I wanted. But if you are really feeling uncomfortable in your home...and a bit depressed...I would suggest you add some bright cheery colours somewhere. Either in a quilt or other soft furnishings that can be easily changed with the season.

If it is a clinical depression you realize none of this is going to help. If that's the case you need to be looking at alternative ways to boost mood...either herbal or medicinal.

**cissylu** · 07-11-2009, 09:06 PM

You`ve been given good advice. I suffer depression also . You really need to get out.
I went to town today. Bought a book and went out to eat . and while I was eating I read some of book . It felt good !
Just going some where and getting something to drink and reading your book would lift your spirits. (((hugs))) I`m here for you. If you want to talk just pm me.

**frugalwarrior** · 07-11-2009, 09:31 PM

I agree w/ everthing that was said. Additionally, i find having a special place that is just mine is monumental. Even if you have a corner w/ a bookshelf and a chair or an office or a sewing area that is your territory. No one else puts their crap there,rearranges your stuff etc. Your a person as well as a wife and mother.
Also, once in awhile ditch the kids.Sit in your car and crank the stereo and belt it out, walk along some pretty senery,Buy your self one piece of anything you want at a candy store, carry out chinese for one and eat at the park. Get out in the sun. Hear yourself think. Renew.

**mauimagic** · 07-11-2009, 09:35 PM

Renew - that's the key word for all of us to remember. Mahalo.

**MommyBliss** · 07-12-2009, 12:00 AM

I think you've gotten some good advice here. HUGS! You can find your peaceful place again.

**Guest57** · 07-12-2009, 01:29 AM

So, I followed some advice and I feel so much better! DH took DD#2 to her basketball tournie for the ENTIRE DAY, DD#1 had 4H Trail Ride the ENTIRE DAY...so I had a nice, leisurely breakfast, took my time cleaning my laundry room (a room I love to be in!), then went to the bookstore and purchased a book, grabbed an Odwalla, and spent the day reading.
I FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON!! Tomorrow is going to be a repeat of today, but I will spend the day quilting, which I love to do and have a packet of new fabrics that are just itching to be made in to something wonderful!
THANK YOU AGAIN EVERYONE!!

**mauimagic** · 07-12-2009, 01:37 AM

What a great day for you!! And the blessing of your sharing your challenges with us is that everyone who read the posts and participated also learned something and were reminded what we all need to do when things get us down. Mahalo!!

**frugalfranny** · 07-12-2009, 01:42 AM

Very glad to hear that the cloud is lifting.......don't forget to take time for yourself.

**cissylu** · 07-12-2009, 02:07 PM

I`m so glad ! you seem to in better spirits today. I hope it is a bright day for you everyday. I wish you lived close to me, we could do some things together.
I always do things by myself and it gets lonely.
(((Hugs)))

**peanut** · 07-12-2009, 02:40 PM

I took a page from my own book, so to speak, yesterday and spent the morning knitting with friends and the afternoon quilting with friends. Life is so much more enjoyable when you can find time and people to do the things you love.