Simply living a simple life

**perSue** · 08-24-2009, 02:55 PM

I have this intense desire to live as simply and humbly as I possibly can. Like many of you, I can do things that the average person "these days" don't or can't do... ie, via improvisation... where whether we need to or want to isn't so much the issue, but rather that we do at all.

I love cooking, baking, sewing, doing handmade crafts and gardening (albeit simple what I can do)... and many other things, some I still wish to learn.

One day I'd love to live off the land, maybe own some animals and have my tiny little farm to live _simply_.

Here's what I ask of you all...

How do I live as simply as I so intensely desire with a family who doesn't really 'get it', prefers restaurants and being entertained (rather than doing something to entertain oneself), to live as society almost expects us to ...or...
... In a society/community that makes fun of and puts down any homemade, simple, non-materialistic and humble (think: minimalist) lifestyle preference. (I'm not asking for pity, or that i shouldn't pay attention to these messages.)

I'm not saying everyone "should" live as I do... it's how I think/feel/believe... and simply am. It's difficult for me to explain how simply I live... if I had no family, I'd be alone, in a square room with a stove, fridge, bed and desk piled with books (and computer for school). And that would be bliss for me. And yes I've lived that.

But this deep seated extreme desire to live simpler drives at me daily. I don't expect or want my family to change (nor do I society). But I feel a strange pull that I must 'conform' to feel I need new clothes, a new car, a better house, electronics out the wazoo and buy expensive foods, because cooking isn't popular (or whatever).

I just wish I could live in a much simpler time.

TIA for all comments.

**AmyBoz** · 08-24-2009, 03:30 PM

I hear ya, Sue. I feel the same way.

I think the best advice I have is to just live as simply as you can for yourself. Carve simplicity out of your day for yourself. Even if your family isn't ready to share that with you, you can begin by experiencing a bit of it for yourself. It's tough, but worth it.

**Cricketlegs** · 08-24-2009, 05:37 PM

I can understand the desire to simplify your life. I too feel the pull to some degree. Like you I too have not only the skills but the interest in the "homemaking" skills and they serve me well.

Just do what you can and be as happy as you can.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 08-24-2009, 07:10 PM

I think you should sit down with your family and be honest with them. If they can't see that it's what will make you happy, perhaps you need to have them meet you halfway to start out. After a while, they may adjust well to it. If they don't, then you can look at your options to move on.

**KeithBC** · 08-24-2009, 07:22 PM

Originally Posted by perSue

How do I live as simply as I so intensely desire with a family who doesn't really 'get it', prefers restaurants and being entertained (rather than doing something to entertain oneself), to live as society almost expects us to ...or...
... In a society/community that makes fun of and puts down any homemade, simple, non-materialistic and humble (think: minimalist) lifestyle preference.

I think it is a dream that you should pursue in whatever form you are able. I think our society is in for hard times in the future, and that people like you, who have the skills and the desire to life simply, will be the ones who will make it.

If your community puts down your efforts, you can tell them to take a hike. Obviously that will not work with family. You might need to share with them how important it is to you. You will likely have to come to a compromise with them - they accepting some simpler ways and you putting up with some of their extravagance.

**Lora88** · 08-24-2009, 08:13 PM

OMG how I know how you feel just dont know how to get there but I am determined to and someday befoe God calls me home I will

**Sassyclass** · 08-24-2009, 08:23 PM

I'm not preaching here but your post sounds very familiar. It's almost the same for a Christian only more so. We are because we want to be and we believe in it. Yet others put us down, berate us, mock us and try their hardest to destroy our way of life. It boils down to your belief in whatever it is you are trying to accomplish. Don't give up and continue to live by example. Someday one of them may just apply a little of your beliefs in their own life and they just may like it. You have the knowledge, they don't or they choose not to use it, so you are the winner in the long run.

Cat

**peanut** · 08-24-2009, 08:40 PM

I think that if you want to live simply you need to research exactly all the ways you can go about getting what you want. I mean, pick your battles carefully with the family, but be firm about some things.

For me living simply meant putting household systems/structures/routines in place that freed up time for me during the day. but I also tried to make them systems the rest of the family benefited from. And I taught everyone to use the system.

For example I used to do Flylady. I didn't always read all her emails. But I recognized the work for 10 or 15 minutes and take a break for 5 really worked for me. I also recognized that part of simplifying for me was lowering expectations. I simply told the children I wanted a clear path in their rooms to the door and the window...in case of fire. No food in the rooms...period...ever. I was not going to have moldy stuff in there if their rooms weren't being cleaned every day. AND they had to totally clean their room once a month, or I would come and do it for them...and things might go missing... (If I found toys on the floor I took them away).

I used to send them a note saying "I.M. Vacuuming is coming to visit tomorrow" to give them a heads up as to what was expected the next day (the end of the month). Then they knew it was time to clean up. It wasn't too long before I noticed them marking it on their calendars on their bulletin boards (another simplifying thing I did). They didn't want to lose their toys.

So I'd just work on one little area of family life at a time and be firm, but loving about it...trying to inject humour whenever possible to make it easier for them to adapt. I moved from the cleaning situation to the laundry situation, to meal time issues, to bedtime issues...etc... Till I'd simplified about as far as I could go on family life.

Before long I had freed up some time to pick up my hobbies again...and to just sit and relax in nature, or do the things that really matter to me.

That made me happy, which made the kids happy, which made DH sit up and take notice. A mother sets the tone of the family. If momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy!

Big {{{Hugs}}}! I think it's really important you find a way to build simplicity into your life...even if it's as simple as setting up a schedule/routine for standard house chores...or a system for moving things between floors (an upstairs/downstairs box). There are lots of creative ideas out there, and I'm sure you can think of more specifically tailored to your family. As was mentioned earlier...a family meeting may be in order...and maybe that's another thing you can do to simplify life...hold periodic family meetings...

Hang in there!

**Incognito** · 08-24-2009, 09:51 PM

Each to his own; and to thine own self be true.

**perSue** · 08-25-2009, 05:36 PM

aww thank you everyone for replying.
it's a good feeling to see what others think/feel/say that's similar to me.
my family accepts me for me, and they don't look down on how I am, but sometimes we do have issues where my minimalist tendencies are perhaps impractical (to them) or too logical... I'm not so much concerned about them... they either accept it or ignore it! LOL

But, I guess it's those external pressures we all somewhat succumb to at some point. And I guess it's hard for me to "be me" when the rest of the society/community is frowning upon what I feel/think/believe or want to do.

But thank you all for your support. There's just such a big need for me to do as I want... bake my bread (instead of buying that glue!) or sew a dress or knit an afghan...
that's me. i'm learning how to appreciate it.

Thanks! and lotsa hugs!

**Debbie-cat** · 08-25-2009, 06:54 PM

I think you should start out small and gradually do more and more to live the simple life you want. Start with baking cookies or breads or pies and I can almost guarantee that once your family begins to eat those homemade cookies instead of out of a package from the grocery store, they will be begging you to make more.

Once you have them hooked on that part, then try new recipes that they might get at a restaurant. See how that goes...start crocheting/knitting even if it is something for only yourself. Things like this will allow you to live more simply, yet not really affect the others around you except in a good way and I bet some of their ideas will change as well. Start getting rid of clutter. Even if it only your own things..subtle changes will make a positive impact.

I too wish to live a more simple life and I am slowly working towards it. I don't want to live amongst the corporate world but belong to my own safe haven I call home with my friends and family around me.

**perSue** · 08-25-2009, 08:22 PM

Debbie,
I think you got it...
I'm one of those who wants to go all in, full force... and I think you're right. Go slowly.
Sometimes I feel badly that I can't make a teen boy and a grown up man much w/my sewing or crochet/knit crafts... the few things I have made, they do like. But it's not like I can make a pretty dishcloth with a new design or "another" scarf lol that they'll appreciate in a way that other women usually can...if that makes sense. (and not bigoted)

Anyway, a big hug and many thanks again for the replies... I feel better already.

**Surilda** · 08-25-2009, 11:57 PM

PerSue,
Is there anywhere in your house you could set
up a niche for yourself? A place where you
can be alone sometimes to just relax, read,
work on your crafts, plan things?

I think journaling might be very good for you
right now. You can write all of those feelings
out.

Debbie's advice about starting slow was perfect.
I don't know any teenage boys or grown men for
that matter, who doesn't like homebaked goodies!!

Just remember, patience is a virtue.

**tracyq** · 08-26-2009, 10:56 AM

Peanut,
What you wrote was a blessing to me today. It really shows me how it's all quite connected........frugality, simplicity, organization, and ultimately PEACE.

Thanks!

Debbie,
Thanks for reminding us that it's OK to start slowly. I'm one too who is an *all or nothing* person...it's the perfectionist/controller in me, and it often stops me dead in my track toward progress. Thanks again!

Tracy Q.

**perSue** · 08-26-2009, 11:02 AM

Surilda, I think journaling would be a good idea.
I have a little desk in my craft corner with a bunch of notebooks of craft ideas... sometimes i also write holiday/gift ideas in them too! Shhh!

It couldn't hurt to add some more personal details, ie, my thoughts/feelings to those notebooks too!

Thank you

tracyq, I'm glad that you got something out of this too.
I always hope that when I post someone else out there, even if they don't share it, gets something out of my posts.