Supporting friends' charities

**Cricket1** · 08-28-2009, 10:51 PM

I know I'm not handling this correctly, but I don't know the correct way to handle it.

Throughout the past couple of months, I have been asked by two friends for contributions for charities that they are involved in. One was riding a bike to raise money for AIDS and the other was doing a breast cancer walk. Both requests were written (one email, one letter) and I just ignored the requests. Both times I mentioned to my friends that I was impressed by their initiative and that I thought they were doing awesome things so that their acts didn't go unnoticed by me.

I'm not a scrooge, but I feel that I have x number of dollars to give to charity...I want it to be a charity of MY choice. There is nothing wrong with AIDS rides and breast cancer walks, but we've had different illnesses/issues touch our family that I want to give money to.

What do you think? How do you handle these requests? Do you just give the money and give less to the charity of your choice? I'm at a loss here.

**gottadance** · 08-28-2009, 11:05 PM

I hate when people ask to donate to THEIR charities - I give my money (which I have very little of these days since I am trying to adopt) to charities I like. I think it's awkward and uncomfortable when people do that. I even got a piece of mail from a nephew in Missouri that I never even see or barely have a relationship, saying that he was fundraising for his school, yadayada. I ignored it. It that's their pet cause, great, but it's not mine.

**spyzvixxen** · 08-28-2009, 11:07 PM

Just tell them you've already maxed out your charity budget. I usually tell people in a joking manner "I'm a charity too...who wants to donate to the Jill's gotta eat fund?" and that usually shuts them up.

**frugalfranny** · 08-29-2009, 02:21 AM

Originally Posted by Cricket1

Both requests were written (one email, one letter) and I just ignored the requests. Both times I mentioned to my friends that I was impressed by their initiative and that I thought they were doing awesome things so that their acts didn't go unnoticed by me.

I think that is okay. If the letters asked for 'a response' of some sort........other than money........I would do/say the same thing that you told your friends and then follow it up with: you have already given to the 'charities of your choice'........

Like I have said about a lot of things..........they have the right to ask but I also have the right to say no.......without guilt.

**McD** · 08-29-2009, 05:19 AM

My standard response is that donating to charity is a very personal decision and we only have a select few charities that we feel comfortable donating too. If they press me further, I may tell them what charities we do choose to support.

What irritates me is that some of the people on my block that have never taken any effort to introduce themselves to me will send me charity requests each and every year. Makes me wonder if they just pulled my name off the assessor page?

**bumplett** · 08-29-2009, 10:30 AM

First, I think it's wonderful that friends/family will participate in charity functions, and I think the least we can do for them is to give them kudos for such. Even if we aren't able to give money, we can tell them "good job, good luck"

I think you handled it perfectly Cricket.

As for some of those letters in the mail from long lost relatives - please remember that some of those types can earn "rewards" for the participant. Some school fund raisers are similar. they have the portion of the fund raiser that the kids get a reward if they send out cards to a certain number of addresses.

Be proud to know these people that will do what it takes to fulfill their commitment.

JMHO.

**Siebrie** · 08-31-2009, 07:58 AM

Were they fundraising for christian charities? I'm a christian myself, and if I don't have the money I will tell them that, and add 'but I'll pray for you'. That usually shuts them up.....and I do pray!

**2ndGenGranola** · 08-31-2009, 01:45 PM

You know, people can be funny about stuff like that. For some it doesn't matter how perfectly you say "no", they get miffed.

I had a relative get miffed because I only gave $10 to their charity - we could have given $0. The $10 would have bought us 9 packages of beans. Their kid had a problem when he was born and is in recovery but they do walks and fund raisers. For us $10 was a lot. She seemed to forget that we have NOT 1 but TWO kids born with autism and insurance pays maybe $2 of their treatments. It didn't pay a drop towards any expenses with our specialist/nutritionist. Neither she nor her mother speak to us any more. I guess we look like we are made out of money or something. Oh well, their loss.

**CouponShelle** · 08-31-2009, 02:29 PM

I think a simple acknowledgement goes a long way. I've done my fair share of fundraising. I do breast cancer walks and several of them a year. I usually only fundraise for one a year, I figure enough people need their money at home, they don't need me continuously knocking at their door.

But, food for thought... my "cause" for example, is breast cancer. I did the walks prior to getting diagnosed but then was diagnosed at 34. I have to wonder, if I had given more... would there have been a cure so I didn't have to undergo a double mastectomy at age 34? You may not believe its your "pet" cause now but what if your mom, your sister, your daughter... or yourself was diagnosed later. Would you feel like a hypocrite then? That sounds harsh but I don't know how else to word it?

Just food for thought. And I don't give to EVERY cause either so I'm not on a soap box. Just thought I'd give a different point of view. Maybe next time don't ignore the request, just say no and good luck! It DOES mean alot. I never press people for money, I ask once, if they can't, they can't. Believe me, I understand what $10 can buy!!!! I use coupons too, I have a budget and yes, I have a donation budget. When its gone, its gone...

**Jessesbride** · 09-01-2009, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by Cricket1

I know I'm not handling this correctly, but I don't know the correct way to handle it.

Throughout the past couple of months, I have been asked by two friends for contributions for charities that they are involved in. One was riding a bike to raise money for AIDS and the other was doing a breast cancer walk. Both requests were written (one email, one letter) and I just ignored the requests. Both times I mentioned to my friends that I was impressed by their initiative and that I thought they were doing awesome things so that their acts didn't go unnoticed by me.

I'm not a scrooge, but I feel that I have x number of dollars to give to charity...I want it to be a charity of MY choice. There is nothing wrong with AIDS rides and breast cancer walks, but we've had different illnesses/issues touch our family that I want to give money to.

What do you think? How do you handle these requests? Do you just give the money and give less to the charity of your choice? I'm at a loss here.

I don't feel as if there is anything wrong with others asking you to give to their charities, however, I also don't see anything wrong with NOT SUPPORTING said agencies. You have to do what you feel is right & if you'd rather give to another charity, then that is your business & no one has the right to pressure you to feel otherwise. If they pressure you, they are more interested in their cause than they are you & your friendship.

jmho!

Kim

**missmanny** · 09-11-2009, 12:28 AM

well it isn't really "charity" if you are guilted into contributing.

I think that you handled this situation perfectly. Full marks to anyone that volunteers money time or energy into a cause that they feel is worthy.

we each have to decide on the causes that we feel are worthy of our contributions, it is a very personal thing.

**2ndGenGranola** · 09-11-2009, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by MrsMcDowell

What irritates me is that some of the people on my block that have never taken any effort to introduce themselves to me will send me charity requests each and every year. Makes me wonder if they just pulled my name off the assessor page?

Their charity contacts them and asks them to use their stamps to send out requests to their neighbors in a block or two. They also send the volunteer a list of their neighbors names and addresses.

**McD** · 09-11-2009, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by 2ndGenGranola

Their charity contacts them and asks them to use their stamps to send out requests to their neighbors in a block or two. They also send the volunteer a list of their neighbors names and addresses.

Good to know. Thanks for the info.