Generous son not easy on the pocket book

**imagine** · 10-19-2009, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

And if we were eating out together, I wouldn't make the kid pay, but if the kid's gonna be part of an activity that has associated costs, the kid's for damn sure going to learn the value of those extra costs well before high school.

I'm sure my son will have it figured out for high school too. He is 12.

**Greebo** · 10-19-2009, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by imagine

I'm sure my son will have it figured out for high school too. He is 12.

That's the kind of information that would have been helpful in the first post.

Here I thought that your son was much closer to adult hood!

**Inkstain82** · 10-19-2009, 09:11 AM

I don't know if that's generosity or just basking in the glow, it's hard to tell at that age without knowing the child.

It's easy to be generous when it's not your money, and it's fun to be the "cool" guy who buys stuff for other people. This *may* be the foundation of a very bad habit down the road. McDonald's today is ordering pizza for the whole floor of the dorm on a credit card in 7 years. He can always pay it back when he graduates

**imagine** · 10-19-2009, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

That's the kind of information that would have been helpful in the first post.

Here I thought that your son was much closer to adult hood!

Sorry! I thought I had mentioned it.

How do I add a signature line (I could put it in there?)

**Nishu** · 10-19-2009, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by imagine

Okay I'll give my POV
Having complete control over what they eat and don't eat was something I learned as they aged and entered school etc. to let go of ( as did other parents I know) it was just impossible to do. I', also not going to follow them around and check what they are eating while in college. I have to hope that we provided a good example for them do set the right path in their childhood and that they make good choices.

I don't expect to control what my kids eat all the time, but I don't believe that I have the right to go above other people's heads and give their children junk that they do not need and normally would not have had and I wouldn't expect other people to do the same to me.

It would also probably hurt my pride a little bit if I had decided, with much thought and in good conscience, not to provide my kid with junk that he doesn't need and another parent or student had decided that my child was a charity case. I have had it happen to me before and honestly it did leave me a little cheesed.

Granted I would be more upset with my own kid that age for accepting it than I would at the other parent but that's not the point. I'd just ask that people think a little on gifting to other kids when there isn't a true need for it.

**imagine** · 10-19-2009, 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by Nishu

I don't expect to control what my kids eat all the time, but I don't believe that I have the right to go above other people's heads and give their children junk that they do not need and normally would not have had and I wouldn't expect other people to do the same to me.

It would also probably hurt my pride a little bit if I had decided, with much thought and in good conscience, not to provide my kid with junk that he doesn't need and another parent or student had decided that my child was a charity case. I have had it happen to me before and honestly it did leave me a little cheesed.

Granted I would be more upset with my own kid that age for accepting it than I would at the other parent but that's not the point. I'd just ask that people think a little on gifting to other kids when there isn't a true need for it.

I understand your feelings.

**never2late** · 10-19-2009, 03:58 PM

Being a former sports mom (DD graduated last year), I think I have a bit of a different perspective.

Did we always know when they were going to stop to eat on the way home? No, we didn't. I also sent money with DD. I didn't feel that was something she needed to pay for herself as it wasn't like she was going to the mall hanging with friends. If for some reason we had stopped at the same place as the bus and one of the kids didn't have money to eat, would I have bought them something? ABSOLUTELY. Therefore, I think my DD would have just been doing something her own mother would have done. As far as the kid who wanted dessert, that one I would just explain to him as there is a difference between having nothing to eat, and just wanting dessert.

I can sympathize with him having spent the money, but I would also be very proud of him.