My Baby's Rooom Does Not Have a Theme

**kita** · 11-11-2009, 09:35 AM

...but I don't think that is a disaster. How do you explain bad money ideas to family.
Let me explain.
I MAY be getting a baby. A friend of a friend kind of thing and adoption is expensive. I am moving to find a better job. So at the moment I have no definite house or job or even a baby, really. But one of the few family who knows about this potential situation asked me what theme I was decorating the room in.
First of all, he will be staying in my room (something this outspoken family member doesn't believe in). I will be renting a two bedroom so my mom can come and help me with baby. When the baby is a year or so, my mom can move out and the baby can get the room. Or we all can move to a three bedroom.
Second, I didn't really think I needed to buy the portakrib thing she was saying I needed since I don't have a crib yet. I am MOVING in six weeks. THEN I will be getting a baby. I will be looking for a "real" second hand crib. I just saw one on Craigs List in the new area with mattress and a toddler bed underneath it for $80, which is only $10 more than the portakrib which my friend assures me will last until the child is ONE. No, the crib will not be available when I get there but there were a ton of cribs for sale.

I know that I will be a little bit of the hippie mom, prefering baby slings over vibrating chairs. Not overboard, I think. eg. baby sleeps in my room, not my bed. I want to breastfeed as an adoptive mom since that is possible. I know that I will have to work but life is not perfect and mom is great.

Is this the beginning of people telling me how to spend my money and raise my child?????

Arrrghhh......

**Inkstain82** · 11-11-2009, 09:50 AM

Do what you want with your baby. People *will* try to pressure you, and you'll even begin to feel the pressure yourself, to buy stuff you don't really want. Don't do it.

We have a one-bedroom apartment, so the baby doesn't have his own room. He has a "pack n play" sleeping area that my parents bought, but he refuses to sleep with us. He mostly wants to sleep in his car seat.

**Mummy2** · 11-11-2009, 10:00 AM

Your family member should have/ adopt their own child then they can follow their own advice. End of Story.

Take the bits of advice you feel are necessary and follow your own intuition, plus you have your own Mother to help who will be proud Grandma!
Good luck!

**kita** · 11-11-2009, 10:13 AM

Mummy2 said: Your family member should have/ adopt their own child then they can follow their own advice. End of Story.

I know that is part of the problem. This friend/family member is a link in the friend of a friend chain and she chose not to adopt the child.

And I am chosing to have a lawyer to the legal stuff rather than doing it myself so I have to spend my money on that....

**Contrary Housewife** · 11-11-2009, 10:17 AM

You're likely to get more baby crap than you know what to do with after you've made the adoption, once people find out about it.

**kita** · 11-11-2009, 10:37 AM

More baby crap. That's what I figure. I am hoping some of it will come with gift receipts.
Don't get me wrong. I will love the help. And I really do think there is a wide range of okay ways to raise a child. Outside of outright abuse, children are pretty gosh-darn resilant. And as a baby, he will have a better attitude from me being near rather than having a perfectly gorgeous Disney themed nursery and me going absolutely nuts because I had to put it in the credit cards.
But he would survive that too. if he had to, but why ask him to??

**IntlMom** · 11-11-2009, 10:46 AM

and just for the record. a baby's room does not NEED to have a theme anyway. We have 3 children, all adopted internationally.... (think "expensive")...... we didn't have a theme at all. (we could have afforded any ridiculous theme we wanted) Why oh why do ppl think a baby needs a "theme"?
I have never understoood that. A bed/crib and a dresser. That's it. No changing table for us, even. My bed and/or the floor is perfectly functionable.

Don't let them push you around. Some things are worth spending your money on (adoption) and some things are so much NOT....like theme stuff"

Enjoy your journey, it's exciting!

**madhen** · 11-11-2009, 10:53 AM

Hey, I started life with a drawer for a crib! And look how great I turned out!!

Okay, maybe not the best example.

I think the only "theme" your baby's room needs, ever, is love. Babies don't care if they have designer diapers. We could probably learn a thing or two from them.

**NikoSan999** · 11-11-2009, 10:58 AM

I think I would be more concerned with the fact that YOUR relative who is the friend of THE friend is trying to semi control issues that are none of her business after the point of bringing you two together. My concern would be her continuing to try AFTER the adoption which of course would bring the birth mother into it since THEY are friends.

**McD** · 11-11-2009, 11:08 AM

Babies are funny little creatures. Parents can have the best of plans from the beginning of 'this is how I am gonna do it' and by golly, that little fella will have his own plans and his own way of doing things, and liking things-just like Inkstain had the pack-n-play, but BabyStain likes the carseat.

Your fella will not suffer from not having a themed nursery. He will not suffer from sleeping in your room. Wesley had a themed nursery when we lived in our apartment, but he still slept in our room in a cradle until he was 3 months old. He is fine. Should Little Maggie Moo Cow ever decide to make her grand appearance, she'll sleep in a cradle in our room for the first few months, before being moved into the 'un-themed' room she will be sharing with her big brother. She will be fine.

Babies don't 'need' stuff. They need food. They need sleep. They need lots of loving and snugglings.

Unwanted advice, especially of the snarky variety, is hard to take graciously. If he/she keeps it up, I would just remind her that babies grew up just fine years before the concept of the nursery came about and change the subject.

**ri*smom** · 11-11-2009, 11:29 AM

Once you have a child, everyone seems to become a critic. Just try to let it roll off your back. Hard sometimes, I know. And my kids didn't have themed rooms, either. It drove my sister bonky. It freaks her that I let my kids pick out their own mismatched clothing, too. That's just the way we roll. I agree w/the previous posters . . . as long as your doodlebug is warm, dry, fed, and loved, that little babe could care less about the rest (and whether it matches or not).

**kita** · 11-11-2009, 12:15 PM

hmm....maybe I will succumb. If I have to have a theme it will be cars and trucks. Very boyish, and hopefully some of the things will last until he is 5 or so.
Yes the involvement concerns me. Nothing is set in stone or even jello yet and I talk to the birth mother tomorrow. Other issues of involvement concern me more. I will pick my own guardians, thank-you. I know that much more will be settled in a week or so and am frustrated that I am expected to pick something so silly as nursery theme....

**McD** · 11-11-2009, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by kita

hmm....maybe I will succumb. If I have to have a theme it will be cars and trucks. Very boyish, and hopefully some of the things will last until he is 5 or so.
Yes the involvement concerns me. Nothing is set in stone or even jello yet and I talk to the birth mother tomorrow. Other issues of involvement concern me more. I will pick my own guardians, thank-you. I know that much more will be settled in a week or so and am frustrated that I am expected to pick something so silly as nursery theme....

The part of me that is known as Snarky McSnarkerson would ever so very sweetly want to tell her the next time she brings up that you just have to have a themed nursery, "Well if'd you like to purchase him a nursery set, I do like these items. "

**NikoSan999** · 11-11-2009, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by MrsMcDowell

The part of me that is known as Snarky McSnarkerson would ever so very sweetly want to tell her the next time she brings up that you just have to have a themed nursery, "Well if'd you like to purchase him a nursery set, I do like these items. "

Oh yeah, that's good, that's real good. Definitely be something I would do/say.

**kita** · 11-11-2009, 02:22 PM

Actually just had a conversation with her. She had one good point, what if it surprised everyone and it isn't a boy. So theme is jungle/safari. And I don't think I was snarky. I tried really, really hard.
She wants me to make a list of "everything I will need" until the child is ummm two or three I think. (along with not always being snarky, I can tune out a bit).
I told her that I have a list of bare bones basics in my head and then I can fill in around it. But I am not going to buy $700 worth of stuff for a nursery. I am off to work now so I don't have to talk about baby stuff for a while. Yeah!!!!!