I don't give to receive but....

**Palooka** · 12-22-2009, 03:19 AM

No, this is not about Christmas giving.

This is something that has been on my mind and I guess it's bugging me.

There is a couple people(I guess cuz it's family it makes it worse?)

I have given them so much out of the goodness of my heart ...everything from furniture, my clothes, dh clothes, old computer and table, food, kids clothes, free room and board one time through the years....it's endless.

A couple years ago they needed something and I had it. I said sure for ten bucks.(this person said....so your trying to make a profit? I needed the cash) Hardly cuz this item retails around a hundred in the stores. So I donated it to the goodwill and it felt good.

Fast forward. There is a few things I really need that they could help me out with now. They said they would and have these things in tangible access. But somehow they must have forgot!

You know I was just hoping Karma would come around for me, but it didn't.

From now on everything is going to go to charities or someone that can really appreciate it.

I hope my post didn't come out wrong. Have you ever felt this way before?

**vickilynn** · 12-22-2009, 06:54 AM

gonna think about this

**miss_thrifty** · 12-22-2009, 07:01 AM

we've had freinds and family members also that took us for granted. and yes its alright to feel the way u are. most times we give away things then sell them. Ive had family members lookin for stuff and says they need this and that , come to find out it was to sell to make money for bad habits.
so huggss to ya, its a learning process, most times it feels great to give but I QUIT with certain family members.

**2ndGenGranola** · 12-22-2009, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by Palooka

You know I was just hoping Karma would come around for me, but it didn't.

From now on everything is going to go to charities or someone that can really appreciate it.

I hope my post didn't come out wrong. Have you ever felt this way before?

Yes, I have felt this way.

"Karma" will come around, just not in the way you are expecting it. You've probably heard the saying "a watched pot never boils". Get busy and try to forget then your storehouse will be flooded with blessings.

Don't let this change your heart. When you feel prompted to give do so.

**mombottoo** · 12-22-2009, 08:19 AM

There are givers and there are takers...sometimes there are givers/takers.

I'm a giver and sometimes I have given to the point that it has caused issues within my own world. The family members you speak of are most likely takers and the chance that they are really going to give to you is very slim.

In the future don't be a giver to them, obviously they do not believe that what goes around, comes around and have no clue how they have affected you.

**Grainlady** · 12-22-2009, 08:44 AM

I can identify... Hubby's sister and her husband are the borrowers. They lived around the block from us for 3 years - the three years from he**!

With them, our stuff was THEIRS, but it doesn't work the other way. They can find any number of reasons why they can't loan something. I'm a generous person and more than happy to share, but they wore out their welcome.

One year she borrowed my punch bowl 5 times, so I bought her one for Christmas because I thought she could really use it. She actually got mad when she opened the gift because she didn't want to have to store it!!! I guess that's what we were for....storage. After that, I wasn't so generous.

**Russ** · 12-22-2009, 08:47 AM

My wife has a real problem with this and her family. She will give them things and expect one thing in return... a simple "thank you" but somehow that doesn't seem important to them.

I'm actually considering a talk with all of them because well, when wifey is upset we sorta have the trickle down theory going on here.

You have to remember that everybody is not like you, they are not as appreciative as you are.

**Contrary Housewife** · 12-22-2009, 10:34 AM

DH and I just had this discussion about his brother. Brother is not very well off and can't seem to get his life together and is always living on the edge of his income. He hits us up for money every now and then because the truck broke or he can't afford heating oil. We never give him very much because he just blows any extra.

We're happy to help when he needs it, but we wish he'd get his act together. DH feels like we're going to end up supporting BIL's family with our retirement savings.

duva1080 · 12-22-2009, 11:16 AM

I agree with 2ndGenGranola, Karma has a funny way of coming back and paying the person that deserves it. It could be good or bad, depending on the originator. Karma might not get them today, tomorrow or in the next few years, but it will, and you will know it when it does... The next thing to remember is, everything happens for a reason...

**NikoSan999** · 12-22-2009, 12:33 PM

Is it possible that they forgot? I, not on purpose, forget from one day to the next. If not then end the handing over of your property. Your stuff is your stuff. Do what you want to with it. Sounds like you've been more than generous with sharing. Don't be the kid on the playground that everyone takes things away from.

Just be sure that they didn't truly just forget. Telling ya..I do it on a regular basis. I have notes everywhere and tell the kid, remind me. She just rolls her eyes.

**vickilynn** · 12-22-2009, 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by miss_thrifty

we've had freinds and family members also that took us for granted. and yes its alright to feel the way u are. most times we give away things then sell them. Ive had family members lookin for stuff and says they need this and that , come to find out it was to sell to make money for bad habits.
so huggss to ya, its a learning process, most times it feels great to give but I QUIT with certain family members.

Totally agree with this post...... a gift is just that a gift, with nothing expected in return, what a person does with their gift is their business until you find out their supporting a habit through you! Then I switched to a more personal approach. I call them every month or so and pray for them. It was hard but I also learned to just say no, I can't lend you the money (no excuses given just the truth, I can't lend you the money).

After a while they stop asking.....

hugs, and God bless you for having a generous heart!

**Palooka** · 12-22-2009, 07:24 PM

Thanks guys. Good point about the Karma.

Niko, no they didn't forget. We have talked about it a few times and their story changes and gets all wishy washy.

Oh well, I guess I learned. Just going to be more selective who I give too. I guess I sorta feel I got taken advantage of.

**frugalfranny** · 12-23-2009, 12:49 AM

Originally Posted by Palooka

Fast forward. There is a few things I really need that they could help me out with now. They said they would and have these things in tangible access. But somehow they must have forgot!

I hope my post didn't come out wrong. Have you ever felt this way before?

But like a previous poster stated...are you sure they didn't forget? Is there anyway that you could ask them? I would try the ask part first.......to see what happens.

**Palooka** · 12-23-2009, 01:00 AM

Originally Posted by frugalfranny

But like a previous poster stated...are you sure they didn't forget? Is there anyway that you could ask them? I would try the ask part first.......to see what happens.

Yes, I reminded them a few times and I'm in contact with them several times a week.

They just make up excuses and they remember what they told me, so I'm not going to press the issue any farther.

I think they look at me like I'm rich or something cuz I'm married, have a house, and cars. It's soooooo not like that. Im sure they also think cuz I've given them so much that I must not have any needs.

My post was a vent and I ended up buying partly what I needed tonight.

**frugalfranny** · 12-23-2009, 01:13 AM

Originally Posted by Palooka

They just make up excuses and they remember what they told me, so I'm not going to press the issue any farther.

My post was a vent and I ended up buying partly what I needed tonight.

I think we must know some of the same people.

You go girl - hope you are able to get what you need.

They sound sort of like my neighbor behind me.......