Total Rant- Unfrugal frugal

[qtkitty]

NikoSan999~ yeah that is something that worries me

Incognito~ Thank you

ladytoysdream~ before i spent money on groceries i was not spending much money at all.. i spent money for my gas to and from work.. and clothes, diapers, formula, ect for my daughter. I had had a good savings before i started paying for groceries and paying down debt seemed like they both happened at the same time. My mom asked me what I wanted for christmas before christmas, i told her she could pay down or off one of my smaller debts. She got me sheets and homemade cappachino mix.

annymoll~ I do not have any choice right now then to pay off my debt as agressively as I am right now, spending less in groceries would mean I could be a little more agressive with that and save back some money. My taxes will be divided some to go into a CD 3 mo difference from the one i got last year rolling over every 6 months, that way i will have money i could get out every 3 months with out penalty. I have a smaller one that comes due every 3 months too. Pay down debt with the rest of what ever I get back, I am crossing my fingers hoping to settle on one of the larger debts.

frugalwarrior2~I know of an old friend who has 2 daughters who is living with her mom and dad, but I have a feeling I would end up with her mom and dad if not brother too over at the place we would have. Nothing against her mom but she is a little slow, and she takes care of the 2 children and the oldest is a year older then my daughter and is not acting her age if that makes since. And I would probubly end up paying for most of the stuff because if I am not mistaking she is working a minimum wage job or atleast not more then $0.5 -$1 more then minimum. I have some pretty major trust issues obviously.

No, he is not. He stopped after he got a court order to do DNA testing and on the paperwork it stated that he would have to pay the cost of the testing. He gets SSI and was sending me money until that point. He tried to get me not to get the testing done too, which really made me mad. We both know he is her father, but this way i can get her SSI, which will basically be her childsupport check from him. If that makes any sence. I know that there is no human way possible for him to make it in the world on what he is getting, although right now he is living with his mom.

[Siebrie]

This may not be the best option, but can you 'recycle' what's in the pantry? If it's that stuffed, maybe you can take some from the back unnoticed and bring it in through the front door with your shopping? It sounds like you'll have to 'sneak' your way out of her life and into your own.

Have you explained your situation at dd's daycare? That you are in a certain position right now, living with your mom, but that you definitely do not want your mom to be involved in daycare matters? Keep on fighting!

[frugalfoster]

This seems to be a respect issue. Your mom is not giving you the respect that you deserve. I believe that she thinks that she needs to still mother and guide you. Her tactics, however, aren't working. You should be applauded for trying to better your life and the life of your child. Out of curiosity...how do you see her life? Are you mirroring it? Or are you trying to take a completely different path? What was her life like when she was your age? There are some big control issues going on here and you need to try and get to the root of the problem.

[Pianolady]

Sorry if this sounds "preachy", but.....Are you talking about my mom here? LOL. I've found there are people in this world where there is nothing you can do to please them. The harder you try, the more they demand. Sometimes you just have to let the criticism bounce right off and ignore it, it's a form of manipulation for power, and can become verbal abuse. I find ignoring bad behavior helps, no need to feed the behavior. Think of it like dealing with a 3 year old (whining comes to mind). I'm guessing her behavior has nothing to do with you living there, is it that way all the time?

I'm so much the opposite, and have spent my life making sure I don't become this way. I never liked it growing up, and have always resented the way mom treated dad. I saw the same thing with the way my grandmother treated my grandfather. That tendency ends with my generation!!! Make the best of the environment, and get out as soon as you can. Set the examples you want your child to learn and things will be fine.

[peanut]

Your mom is the one with the problems here. She is classic passive-aggressive, and also controlling. She has a lot of anger and fear directed towards you. The best place for them to be brought up is in joint counselling...which no doubt she would not do and you cannot afford.

That being the case, the best thing you can do is move out. You are going to lose your child to your mother otherwise. I don't care how much debt I have, I wouldn't sacrifice my child to anyone for it.

Your mother is being totally unrealistic, given your debts, in what she is expecting of you. When my daughter and her husband lived here we expected $200 a month rent (for groceries) plus a share of utilities. That was it. It worked out to about $300-400CAD a month. Anything more than that is taking advantage of your child, IMHO.

We worked out a menu plan together and stuck to it. We took turns cooking as well. It was challenging for me because I had health problems my SIL (the cook) didn't understand and had problems accommodating. It was one of the reasons we had to encourage them to move out. Maybe this is your mom's way of encouraging you to move out?

Anyway...that's my two cents worth. You two need to learn better communication skills. Your mom in particular.

[qtkitty]

Damn ... i had had a talk with my mom .. about the spending made it all most all month on $100 every 2 weeks .. spent $50 yesterday .. then mom wanted to go shopping with me today $20 at the little almish bulk food store .. and $330 at walmart .. * CROAKS * ... not to mention i had given her $40 today for gas because she had said she had spent her money at the grocery store earlier in the week to get ingredients for dinner one night.

* sighs * She goes oh next week you will only need to get a little bit at the grocery store. Needless to say she is banished from going with me to the store ever again!!

I would have had my car insurance saved up for this month for in april and she knew it .. but i will not now.

I am going back to not telling her anything other then i am broke again darn it!!

[MyMelody]

I wonder if perhaps your mom saw that you were doing well and making a bit of headway when you weren't paying for groceries, and is now doing a bit of financial and emotional sabotage. I agree that this is a classic passive aggressive, control freak situation. She knows just what she is doing, and hurtful comments like "you need to see a psychiatrist" are intended to undermine your confidence and make you feel like something's wrong with you. The money situation is certainly manipulative and unfair, but I would flip my lid over how she's upstaging you with your child and the daycare. I don't understand how your daughter's father is ignoring a court order. Can he not be held in contempt for failing to comply? If you are in the U.S., check w/ DHS re: vouchers for child care (so you'll have options when you move) and help getting paternity established to ensure some reliable assistance from the dad.

[qtkitty]

He is currently in the court process .. i do not think he will have to pay anything since he is on disability.. however once he has taken the paternity testing it will be easy to get SSI for my daughter. Which would definately be a mix up of saving for college ( future ) and paying for wardrobe and what not.

This summer I will be hitting the yard sales again for more clothes since she is growing out of the 3's and into the 4's I bought last year. 5's are starting to be the easiest to get her into.

I have been pondering saving a little money back specifically to go yardsaling and then maybe sell on ebay or some other source. Smaller things like baby clothes, small toys, and books. Things that commonly have a small usage time and can be used over and over again. Not to mention i could sell the better items of munchkins wardrobe that no longer fit her.

Not to mention that the other day i got to talk to some ladies from my work one who has a higher position then i, she is a single parent too. I found out that she has her daughter on insurance through the state as well since she makes more she has to pay a little into the insurance for her daughter but not NEAR as much as we do at work. I had put my daughter on my work insurance incase in the upcomming year i had moved up ( pure hope on my part i think ) anyway since we can only do so once a year it was my chance. My HR director was in on the conversation and said that i could remove my daughter from our work insurance since she has other insurance and save myself a good chunk. ( needless to say i will not mention this to my mom, but i am going to go ahead and do this ) Maybe i will open up another savings account at the bank and have all of that money auto distributed into that account for blind savings. Will save me a couple K this year.

[hlwilson07]

Your mother and mine are cut from the same cloth. I was in the same situation in my early 20's when my then infant sons father left us. My mother controled almost every aspect of my life. Esp. when it came down to my son and my money. I had a few bumps along the way but in short this is what I did to get out of her home. I was able to get WIC. If your daughter is under 4 you should qualify. Your mother will never know that part of the food you bring home was payed for that way. It's different than food stamps and much easier to qualify for. Any time my mom would want to "go shopping" with me (aka spend all my money) I'd come up with an excuse not to go. Like the baby needed a bath, or I needed to get this or that chore done and then by the time I was "done" she had either givin up on waiting for me and gone alone or had forgot she wanted to go. I was able to stash enough for 1st and last and deposit on an apt and found another single mother to split the cost (if you don't have friends, try checking out craigslist, I'm sure I don't have to tell you about being carefull choosing a stanger as a roommate) It took a few months of creative spending and avoiding my mom as much as possible to get out but my son and I are both much better off. I should note that since my mother did not approve of my decision to leave her she has cut me out of her life completely. I have not seen or spoken to her in over 6 years. She has never met my husband or my daughter nor will she meet the baby I'm having in July. I hate to say it like this but my life has seen nothing but blessings and love since I left her and her negative, bullying, controling home. I wish the best for you and your baby. I know it feels like you'll never get out but keep your mind focused and you'll find a much better life.

[brennasmom]

Ok, maybe just a *crazy* suggestion:

Could you each just buy your own food?

It seems crazy to be *so* brand specific. Yikes.

[Libby]

What I keep wondering is why does she want to take control over your life and manipulate you?

I'd talk with the daycare and put it in writing - even go as far as to ask them to sign both copies (one for them and one for you) stating that YOU are the mother therefore you are the number one contact for anything and everything concerning your daughter and specify anything else that needs to be cleared up ASAP. Stipulate who can and can not drop off/pick up your daughter etc.

As for the household stuff, I hope you catch a small windfall enough to get you outta there as soon as possible. It will be much better for your mental health.

[Luv2BeFrugal]

I don't have any advice...I just wanted to send you a hug. I hope you can get out of there soon!