How do you find contentment with what you have?

**imagine** · 02-25-2010, 11:33 AM

The "what would you spend $100 on" and "what have you always wanted but not bought" threads were fun to dream on but now I'm not content with what I have. I'm finding the discontentment very uncomfortable.

How do you find contentment with what you have?

**SueAnne** · 02-25-2010, 11:53 AM

I didn't participate in either of those threads, but I am finding that by lightening up what I own and clearing out those areas I haven't touched in years ( I mean a lot of years lol) that I am enjoying my home space more.

I kind of make it a game to come across something I had boxed away and either display it cause I haven't seen it in a long time or I get rid of it to a local thrift. Then when I go there I look for items of interest to me. I have been only doing grocery shopping at WalMart/Aldis but have not done any clothes or household shopping since I need to go through and declutter.

I am having fun doing this cause it is making a chore something fun and I feel contentment in the organization I am finally starting to see and the changes I am making in rooms with different thrifty displays of what I already had or found for $1 or less at the thrift!

**Mom2-3** · 02-25-2010, 12:06 PM

I think I understand what you are saying. It is hard sometimes to see or hear what others have and not have those same things. Just going to the store can be uplifting and depressing. I try to focus on the things I have (material and not) and remember my goals (to be debt free with $$ in the bank) It gets really hard when everyone around me has it "all".

**andrew's mom** · 02-25-2010, 12:50 PM

I have accepted that things have changed in our lives (making less money but still employed) and I have tried to adapt to them. I have found it liberating to accept what is instead of fighting against it. This gave me the opportunity to look for solutions instead of feeling like a victim. I also remind myself constantly that other people don't have close to what I have so I consider myself lucky. The other thing that made me thankful is that whatever happens today is part of a bigger plan. I may not understand it today but I know it's for my own benefit. I can look back at my life and honestly say that whatever I considered hard or "bad" in the past, actually brought me to a place of bigger happines and self-understanding.
I have faith that when things don't go my way there is a reason and that there is always a solution. I guess it takes faith to get through it. It's what works for me. I hope it helps you too.

**lotsadebt** · 02-25-2010, 01:48 PM

I understand the feeling too. My children go to school in a moderately affluent area. I see the kids getting out of Lexus, Mercedes, Volvo everyday. I hear about trips to Disney.

I however work totally different neighborhood. I make comfortable money. I know that for 3yrs and 2months (when DH's bankruptcy is done) I will continue to make every penny cry for mercy. I want to continue this and work to live debt free. I will not succomb to the "I wants"

Like I tell me kids now just like the rolling stones: "You can't always get what you want. You get what you need, ah yeah."

**imagine** · 02-25-2010, 02:00 PM

I think my discontentment has hurt Hubby and made him feel discontented also. That saddens me.

Hubby read over my shoulder this morning my answer to the "What do you want but haven't" post I. I think that hurt him a bit.

While at Hubby was a work I... "reupholstered" the sofa.

Yesterday, I had washed the blankets/sheets that are the "Upholstery" for the soda. This AM they were in the dryer ready to put back on so my sofa was at it's ugliest. So today I arranged the covers on it to cover it more completely. So my sofa is a completely different color now! It looks so nice the dog is refusing to sleep on it. LOL That small thing helped with my contentment level until

Hubby came home and saw it. He made an comment "So you decided the whole couch looked awful?" He seemed more hurt. So I told him about how the post had made me feel discontented and I was just trying something out. Didn't seem to make him feel better. He commented on how the house doesn't look as nice as he wishes it did either. So I think I passed on my discontentment and hurt Hubby in the process.

Sigh

**Natalie's Nesters** · 02-25-2010, 02:30 PM

I tend to over Pollyanna, so bear with me.... any day I wake up on this side of the dirt, it's off to a great start. I think if you were handed everything you ever dreamed of, you would not enjoy or respect each item. I find I cherish those items I saved up for. I think lack of sunshine makes everyone down!

**Libby** · 02-25-2010, 02:35 PM

No real tips or words of wisdom...just keep in mind that it won't always feel like this *big hugs*

**imagine** · 02-25-2010, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by Natalie's Nesters

I tend to over Pollyanna, so bear with me.... any day I wake up on this side of the dirt, it's off to a great start. I think if you were handed everything you ever dreamed of, you would not enjoy or respect each item. I find I cherish those items I saved up for. I think lack of sunshine makes everyone down!

So I can blame it on winter and the snow? Alright then.

Now I break out in the song "Tomorrow" from the Musical Annie.

Which I was able to take my daughter to see (high school performance) She had no idea what the story line was so she was able to full enjoy the story.

It was her first musical, when the orchestra started to play the overture she leaned over and asked "So the music will tell the story?" about that time the curtain opened and the actors can were on stage. Her eyes grew about ten times as big as they had been. That was fun!

**AmyBoz** · 02-25-2010, 02:58 PM

I am a huge purger. I'm probably the opposite of a hoarder, in that I'm ready to get rid of everything.

The result is that anything that I still have has been kept because I wanted it. The fact that I chose to keep it, rather than give it away, helps me feel content. After all, if it didn't mean something to me, I would have already tossed it!

Sometimes, I think the more "stuff" we have, the more discontent we can be.

However, that being said, I'd love, love, love to have a new couch, as well. Ours has water stains from where the roof leaked on it. I look at it and think, "Ew" and we visit my sister-in-law with her beautiful, brown leather couches and I can't help but think about how much I'd love that couch. Then I remind myself that the couch we have (the water stained one) was a hand-me-over from her in the first place, and if I had a leather couch, the damage would have been so much worse from the leakage.

Does that help me feel better? Not every time, but sometimes!

**frugal is fun** · 02-25-2010, 03:48 PM

I think everyone feels like this at some point or another.

I'm 40 yrs old, divorced and I just bought my house over the summer and by looking at the furniture you'd think a college student lived there. BUT then I remember, "I" bought my house. MY name is the only name on that mortgage and I got there by working hard, saving and having patience.

So I keep telling myself, working hard, saving and patience will get me the furniture and all the other "stuff" that I want...eventually.

I have more than I need as far as the basics go and its really just putting things in perspective of what I want for myself and for my son in the future.

You just have to take a step back and look at the big picture.

**pinetree** · 02-25-2010, 04:30 PM

I try to look at it from another side. At least I have a sofa to fix up. I could be sitting on the floor.

I saw on tv that you write down what you are thankful for, each day. Sometimes when you start you can only come up with one thing. It seems to help me be more thankful for what I do have.

I think we all go through this at one time or another. We have had murphy move in here with us, for along time now, and times are extremely tight right now. We dont buy anything, period.
But I look around and we have a roof over our head, our pets, food, heat, each other.........

Sunshine does have alot to do with feeling down, I try to sit in the sunshine for about 15 minutes per day. I'm lucky, where I am the sun is usually out everyday.
Maybe this will help you alittle.

**dcompton** · 02-25-2010, 05:34 PM

I find that desires breed desires. When I have some random desire and indulge it, another almost immediately pops up in its place, and if I indulge that too, gradually I move into a psychological space where there is no end to them. On the other hand, when I resist that random desire, it's easier to do it the next time, and gradually the space is one of contentment, with far fewer of those desires raising their heads to begin with.

This may be partly just because of the way I live. I spend my time reading, crocheting, playing computer games. So I'm not bombarded with advertisement. No ads on tv, none in magazines. I generally don't even know the next great thing has been invented. Also I am a homebody, so I don't see as much of what others have as many unavoidably do. Living alone, I don't have to contend with the wants of spouse and children either. So my experience is definitely not typical.

But the big key, for me, is not to start the wanting or the buying that can so easily escalate and get out of hand. That way it's not a binge and fast lifestyle, but an even keel, which, for me at least, is a much more comfortable way to live, and such a relief to get back to it after losing the balance, that it is pretty easy to maintain.

**imagine** · 02-25-2010, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by AmyBoz

I am a huge purger. I'm probably the opposite of a hoarder, in that I'm ready to get rid of everything.

The result is that anything that I still have has been kept because I wanted it. The fact that I chose to keep it, rather than give it away, helps me feel content. After all, if it didn't mean something to me, I would have already tossed it!

Sometimes, I think the more "stuff" we have, the more discontent we can be.

However, that being said, I'd love, love, love to have a new couch, as well. Ours has water stains from where the roof leaked on it. I look at it and think, "Ew" and we visit my sister-in-law with her beautiful, brown leather couches and I can't help but think about how much I'd love that couch. Then I remind myself that the couch we have (the water stained one) was a hand-me-over from her in the first place, and if I had a leather couch, the damage would have been so much worse from the leakage.

Does that help me feel better? Not every time, but sometimes!

I'm not a purger. I did it once and regretted it. Still wish I had some of the things we sold at the garage sale. But we are a bit of a minimalist also so not much to purge anyway. We also tend to keep and use things for a long time ( example the backpack Hubby carries his shoes to work in was the same backpack he received in Jr High, carried all the way through high school and college).

Thanks for your story and ideas

**leighcat** · 02-25-2010, 06:04 PM

I sometimes wish I had nicer things. Better quality things. But, really I wish I had a better partner in life. My boyfriend and I don't always get along and I feel very lonely. I wish I had a husband and was a "complete family". I am sad that my marriage didn't work out. I don't want to be with my ex husband, but I just wish my kids weren't torn between homes. That I think is worse than not having things that other people have.