Have you ever been hurt by your parents frugaliity (or your children hurt by yours)?

**joyofsix** · 02-21-2011, 04:14 PM

I asked my kids and now I'm sorry I did. My kids say not having store bought snacks has been the thing that got/gets them made fun of. I always make our cookies/bread/muffins etc. I sent in homemade cupcakes for birthdays, etc. Evidently the cool kids have the ones from Walmart.

**peanut** · 02-21-2011, 09:55 PM

Well you know, after this thread and my posts, I talked to my daughters and neither of them remember being cold as children. So I guess they weren't harmed by not having those duvets and sheets after all!

My eldest went so far as to say we did a good job teaching them the value of money and things. That we didn't go overboard on things.

I dunno...we did the educational trips etc. But we tanked when it came to money for university. We had some for the first year, but not much. The girls have both had to get student loans, which bothers me. Especially the size of the student loans. One quit university part way through to pay off her debt, before going back.

The other is paying off as she goes. She takes the loan in September, and gradually pays it back till the end of the year. Both she and her SO work, and only she is going to school. I don't know. University has become so expensive one wonders if it's worth it.

**imagine** · 02-22-2011, 03:52 AM

Originally Posted by joyofsix

I asked my kids and now I'm sorry I did. My kids say not having store bought snacks has been the thing that got/gets them made fun of. I always make our cookies/bread/muffins etc. I sent in homemade cupcakes for birthdays, etc. Evidently the cool kids have the ones from Walmart.

We have the same thing here.

The compromise we came up with was this year when I sent homemade cupcakes I didn't make my homemade buttercream frosting. I used "Fluffy" store bought frosting and I let her use some store bought toothpick decorations (hearts on toothpicks) with matching cupcake liners. They weren't expensive. The kid at school loved the cupcakes. I guess their Walmart cupcake tastebuds just couldn't appreciate good buttercream frosting. LOL I think it ended up being cheaper even with the decorations than when I make yummy buttercream.

It ended up being a win win.

**peanut** · 02-22-2011, 02:16 PM

When it comes to people and food, presentation is everything. The fancy cupcake liners and toothpick decorations probably sold the school kid on the cupcakes.

**2ndGenGranola** · 02-22-2011, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by peanut

When it comes to people and food, presentation is everything. The fancy cupcake liners and toothpick decorations probably sold the school kid on the cupcakes.

Oh for sure!!!!!!!!!!

My kids have allergies/sensitivities. For one event I sent them plain air popped popcorn in cutesy popcorn bags. The teacher said all the kids were trying to trade out for their snack. Keep in mind it was PLAIN air popped popcorn.

**pollypurebred39** · 02-22-2011, 03:31 PM

It's a funny thing about furthering education, it was extremely rare where I was brought up that a parent could afford to send their kid to college. It was expected that if you planned on going that you'd get really good grades so you'd get a scholarship, or you'd take a trade at the vo-tech, or join farmers of America, or work in one of the factories. The only other option was what my Mother wanted my Sister to do. The one hospital paid for your schooling to become a nurse, but you owed them so many years of service in exchange. Around here the vo-techs are packed! As is community colleges, very few are thinking of anything bigger.

We were crushed when DH got laid off because it meant no loans for our son to go to school. He's still working at CVS. Kind of wish we had encouraged him to go to Vo-Tech, at least he'd have a trade to fall back on.

**shoiji** · 02-23-2011, 11:18 AM

Growing up almost everyone had homemade cakes/cupcakes for their Birthdays. Cupcakes were even considered more special. There were only one or two people that I knew of that actually had a store bought birthday cake. Those types of cakes were considered extra special. If you had a homemade cake with the purchased hard cake decorations that was also considered extra special. How times have changed.

**jennac1975** · 02-23-2011, 12:01 PM

My oldest son had a birthday party in December. I bought him a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. Well DH is not working now and my twins are having a party next weekend. I am making them a cake, which I've never done for a birthday party. My oldest is upset that I didn't make his. The twins are happy that I'm making it and not buying it, no idea why, guess because I never did it before and that makes it special.

Oh yeah, my son's party in December is the first one we ever had at home. I always did bowling alley or something. They actually liked being at home much more. We had planned on doing the twins at home before DH lost his job anyway.

**greekislandgirl** · 02-23-2011, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by joyofsix

I asked my kids and now I'm sorry I did. My kids say not having store bought snacks has been the thing that got/gets them made fun of. I always make our cookies/bread/muffins etc. I sent in homemade cupcakes for birthdays, etc. Evidently the cool kids have the ones from Walmart.

I have to comment on this! I felt the same way when I was in elementary school up until about 9th grade. My mom made us fresh baked goods all the time (cookies, brownies, home made bread, home made peanut butter, home made jams, etc etc) and I was jealous of my classmates who had the packaged crud and I was embarrassed of my own food. Starting around age 14, all the kids would beg me for parts of my lunch when they realized how much better it was. Now, at my age (turning 30 in a few days), I am so glad that my mom insisted on giving us homemade everything. Not only did she not stuff us full of chemicals and salt and sugar, but now I love to bake and cook and I make homemade stuff for my friends. I tell everyone who will listen about the PB&J that my mom used to put in my lunchbox: homemade whole wheat bread with homemade peanut butter and strawberry jam from my mom's strawberry plants. Basically my point is, they might not like it now, but I bet they will thank you later AND furthermore I bet they do it for their kids too, and with pride! You are doing the right thing for your kids' health!!

**PurpleSnowflake** · 02-27-2011, 12:05 AM

{{{{{{imagine}}}}}}}

It is NEVER too late to be who you were always meant to be.

Don't let your childhood stop you!

**Squidge** · 02-27-2011, 10:29 AM

Some moving stories here.

I think, in my case, it wasn't frugality exactly that hurt me. My parents were angry at their financial situation; they felt entitled to a better life and were a little bitter about how things had panned out.

Consequently, they weren't very good at managing their feelings around it. If I needed new clothes, it would be met with anger; if I needed money for a school trip, it was met with anger; if I wanted something fun (like a new toy) it was met with anger; if I wanted to bake and use up all the ingredients, it was met with anger.

In retrospect, of course, I realise they weren't angry at me, they were angry at the circumstances. When I asked them for what they couldn't provide they felt guility - they felt as though they had failed. At the time, though, it made me feel as though I didn't deserve anything and that I wasn't allowed to ask for things I needed, let alone wanted. Age and life experience certainly puts a different slant on things.

**lottaLove** · 02-27-2011, 11:49 AM

The thing that hurt me the most was my mom's attitude toward clothing. It didn't matter how ugly an article of clothing was, if it was only 25 cents from the yard sale or thrift store, that made it gorgeous in her eyes. I didn't own a pair of jeans until I was in grade 8, because they typically cost more. I always had to wear track pants with the elastic ankles. Sometimes I even had the matching sweat shirt.
I was never embarrassed about it until I got my first pair of jeans and wore them to school. I got so many comments like 'wow you're wearing normal clothes today' and 'whoa you actually got something that's in fashion'. I was mortified. And angry.
My mom is now doing the same thing for my kids. She buys the absolute cheapest things she can find at st. vincent de paul and salvation army. Like the clothes that have been there so long because no one wants them that they have to practically pay you to take them away. We've tried to explain to her that no matter how good of a deal something is, if you won't wear it it's still a waste of money, but this idea never ever gets through to her. She sees things for the price she paid and not the actual value of the item.