thoughts on compromise

[frugal is fun]

So I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now.

There are a few things that I really really want. I would LOVE a chimnea for my back porch. The one I want is close to $400. I would also LOVE a complete living room make over, probably in the $10,000 range if not more (this includes everything from carpeting, to furniture to a big screen tv over my fireplace, and everything in between).

About a month ago a friend of mine lent me her metal free standing “fire pit” type thing. I had used it several times and really enjoyed having a fire on a cool night on my porch. My dad had given me money for my birthday so I decided to buy my own metal free standing fire pit for $60 from Target. This got me thinking about the fact that I enjoyed having the fire on my porch with a significantly less expensive option.

This has got me thinking about my living room, considering that is a much bigger want than my $400 chimnea. Would I be just as happy to buy items one at a time, rather than everything at once or just buy less expensive things? I had the mind set of if I couldn’t get what I wanted then I would just live with what I had until I could afford what I wanted. Well, my $60 fire pit has started to change my thinking on this.

What I wanted was to sit in front of a fire while listening to music, with a drink in my hand. I got that.

What I want from my living room is to no longer live in a room that feels and looks like a play room, I would like to sit on a couch where I don’t fall into it and struggle to get out of it. I would like a thick rug on the floor to keep my feet warm and for my son to be on something softer than my hardwood floors. I’m sure I could get all of this for a lot less than $10,000. So I guess my question to myself is would I be compromising and if I am, would I be okay with that if I get the same outcome?

I think of that show on HGTV where the designer does a room for $40,000, the clients love it and then have complete sticker shock and the designer redoes the room in the same style for $4,000 and the clients and thrilled.

[peanut]

I don't see it as compromise really. It's narrowing down exactly what you want in life...in this case your home. We do a lot of 'compromise' here.

Our fence is a case in point. We can't afford $11,000 to fence 200+ linear feet. We are looking at options for next year. Even the option of doing part one year and part another. And getting the neighbors to help foot the bill for half of one half of the fence, as they promised. But that half is still $5000. Their share would be $2500. That's still $8500 for a fence! We're waiting to get more quotes after Christmas. Then we'll decide what to do.

Really what we need is something that stays vertical and gives privacy. The 'stays vertical' is an issue in this city with clay soil that moves every spring. We'll have to see what we can come up with next spring.

For now...we're working on the utility room ourselves. Our compromise was to not call the contractor in on this one, instead doing it ourselves.

You mentioning that HGTV show (which I've never seen) reminds me of a book on apartment decorating my sister gave me when I moved out of home. It was full of photos. One side of the page would be the expensive decorating option. The facing page was the economical option. The look and feel of the room was virtually identical. Great book! I used it a fair bit.

[Spirit Deer]

Don't think of it as compromise. Think of it as flexibility.

Or as my grandma, who raised six kids through the Depression, used to say, "If you don't got what you want, then want what you got." If you've got the means to improve your living room and get more of what you want, then do that and be happy even if it's not the expensive version.

Have you thought about a nice, strategically placed area rug or two instead of carpeting? A better choice, IMO, because you can take it outside and beat the heck out of it to get it really clean, replace it economically if needed, move it around if you want, even change it seasonally to give your room a new look every few months.

Paint is cheap and easy to work with.

[erinalexmom]

I used to love the show clean sweep (when I had cable lol) and I always loved Peter Walsh, because he didnt say things about the actual "stuff" of the people. He always said things like "how do want this room to make you feel?" what do you want for your family?" "why do you want to keep this?" I always loved that because he was more worried about the relationship people had with thier "space" than what was actually in that space.

[FrabjousDay]

Instead of viewing it as "settling for less", I would view it as a challenge to create something special that functions the way you want it to. My hunch is that some rearranging, paint, area rug/s, an updated couch and elbow grease would go a long way. What if it takes years to save up for the "perfect" room? That's a long time to tolerate something that you are clearly unhappy with.

[steelergal]

I have been in similar situations throughout the years, i.e. I've always wanted a nice pea coat refused to pay retail for one and I found one that fits perfectly from goodwill.

I don't think of it as a compromise, mainly as a change in a want/need. There are several things that we want throughout the years, either it be the cost that holds us from it or not being able to find exactly what we want. If you take the time and be patient you often find something similar or that will replace that want/need.

BTW- I perfer the fire pits to the chimnea, IMHO you can enjoy a fire more in the fire pit things! My one friend had a chimnea several years ago and someone made the fire too hot and it got a large crack in it. I would rather spend the money on a small fire pit!

[ladykemma2]

you don't want all "matchy matchy" anyway. boring and tiresome.

may i recommend these books to get you on your way to the living room?

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Creating-Beaut-Home-Alexandra-Stoddard/dp/B001PO657C/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1322311371&sr=8-4"]Amazon.com: Creating Beaut. Home Co: Alexandra Stoddard: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51N5KRYGANL.@@AMEPARAM@@51N5KRYGANL[/ame]

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Decoration-Houses-Alexandra-Stoddard/dp/B003156C8A/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&qid=1322311371&sr=8-15"]Amazon.com: The Decoration of Houses: Alexandra Stoddard: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51PQCVT0PHL.@@AMEPARAM@@51PQCVT0PHL[/ame]

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Home-Defining-Want-Live/dp/B000HWZ1TQ/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1322311371&sr=8-16"]Amazon.com: Feeling at Home: Defining Who You Are and How You Want to Live: Alexandra Stoddard: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/519EWE2WC3L.@@AMEPARAM@@519EWE2WC3L[/ame]

thhis one especially [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Open-Your-Eyes-Simple-Harperresource/dp/B000GG4HUM/ref=sr_1_23?ie=UTF8&qid=1322311466&sr=8-23"]Amazon.com: Open Your Eyes : 1,000 Simple Ways To Bring Beauty Into Your Home And Life Each Day (Harperresource Book): Alexandra Stoddard: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51N8CRB2JKL.@@AMEPARAM@@51N8CRB2JKL[/ame]

this one especially [ame="http://www.amazon.com/CREATING-BEAUTIFUL-HARDBACK-STARTING-FRESHENING/dp/B003BK1MA8/ref=sr_1_52?ie=UTF8&qid=1322311524&sr=8-52"]Amazon.com: CREATING A BEAUTIFUL HOME HARDBACK (STARTING FRESH TO FRESHENING UP) (1992): ALEXANDRA STODDARD AUTHOR OF LIVING A BEAUTIFUL LIFE: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Y9RAj967L.@@AMEPARAM@@51Y9RAj967L[/ame]

and this [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Use-What-You-Have-Decorating/dp/039952536X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1322311556&sr=1-1"]Amazon.com: Use What You Have Decorating : Transform Your Home in One Hour With Ten Simple Design Principles -- Using the Space You Have, the Things You Like, the Budget You Choose (9780399525360): Lauri Ward: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51LvUCFyKVL.@@AMEPARAM@@51LvUCFyKVL[/ame]

and ebay and thrift stores for decorative items and furniture.

prayer, because god knows the desires of your heart and the armoire/chest/chair you want for the living room will appear on the side of the road or the thrift store or a friend will be getting rid of hers... happened to me several times.

[ladykemma2]

i wanted to add: you have had the major paradigm shift that happens. instead of "I want an ethan allen 18th century room for 10,000", say "i want a room that looks like i am stepping back in time to an english country manor or a room in williamsburg". then things started to flow.

this was my major shift.

[peanut]

Thanks for posting all the books Ladykemma2. I see I have a winter reading list! Seems every fall/winter I get the urge to rearrange my surroundings. This fall I exchanged old quilted pillows for silk cushions I'd made for sale. And this winter it's redoing the utility room with DH. Lots of indoor fun!

[frugal is fun]

thank you for all of the replies and great ideas.

I bought my house 2 1/2 years ago so the painting is all updated and it feels like the living room is just waiting for the new stuff to show up.

I'll take a look at those books. appreciate the thoughts.

[lisaflex]

definitely a fire pit if you want to sit outside when it is chilly and have a drink. btw, that is what dh and i LOVE to do on a cool evening! chiminea's dont give off any heat and it is true about the cracking..know lots of fam memebers that happened to....

we waited and waited to redo our living room..and, finally three yrs ago, my absolutely wonderful dh came home and said, call your designer and have it done! he had the cash for all!!! yeah! it is now a fabulous room! but, we waited ten long yrs and now it is just perfect! so, find what you want and then wait til the timing is right and go for it! most was from arhaus...but, well worth the wait!

i watch all the home decorating shows too and love them! some are extreme! but, seeing how you can replicate a 75K room for under 10K is pretty amazing..imo....

[cab54]

I do the 'give up this to get that' thing all the time. Why not? Some things don't matter to me (to ME, that's the key word there) and some things really really DO.