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Depressed and need help

4K views 24 replies 21 participants last post by  SammeyG 
#1 ·
Hello. I am new here. I found this site tonight after not being able to sleep due to money problems. Today, my dh and I filed Chapter 13 bankruptcy. :( My dh had taken a big hit with the economy a few months ago. We lost half of our income. We tried for several months to keep our payments up but it was useless, so we decided to file.

The thing is, is that I should feel better, but I don't. Our monthly expenses are still really high, and that is where you guys come in! lol I need help to see what I can do to pay my bills and be happy again.

Our monthly take home pay: 3410

Our bills now:
*Mortgage and insurance 700.00
*Bankruptcy payment 671.00
*Car insurance 160
*Electric 400
*TV 108
*Phone and internet 87
*Water 60

Monthly Bills: 2186

Leaving us with $1224 per month to buy groceries, gas, etc. Is this enough money to live on?? Honestly, I don't know anymore.....Oh, and we have 3 children. This just doesn't feel like there is much breathing room here, but I wonder if I am spoiled.
 
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#2 ·
Hugs!! You'll be ok.

Your electric is really high - I'd work on cutting that down to half at least. Honestly, is $1224 enough to live on for the rest of the month? It really depends on your priorities and how you shop. Can it be done? Definitely!! Our take home income is $2200 and we have four children at home. We have 5 bills - mortgage, electric, insurance, water, cable/internet/phone bundle. We have prepaid cell phones that we put $$ on every 3 months.

I shop at Save-alot and Aldi's getting anything I can't get at those two places at Walmart. I don't use coupons.

You can do this!! Just set your mind to it and work on one thing at a time. If you try to change too many things at once you'll get frustrated and it will seem you're getting nowhere.

Don't forget to add a little money in for allowances - even if it's small- like $10 a paycheck just so you don't feel deprived. Also a small entertainment budget will help you not feel so deprived.
 
#3 ·
First, welcome, you will find a lot of helpful info here (and friendly folks). I am wondering why your electric bill is so high?

Also, I would try to find a cheaper TV option, can you bundle with phone and internet? Or can you just watch TV over the internet?

(((Hugs))) to you and your family....
 
#4 · (Edited)
Our monthly take home pay: 3410

Our bills now:
*Mortgage and insurance 700.00
*Bankruptcy payment 671.00
*Car insurance 160
*Electric 400
*TV 108
*Phone and internet 87
*Water 60

Monthly Bills: 2186

Leaving us with $1224 per month to buy groceries, gas, etc. Is this enough money to live on?? Honestly, I don't know anymore.....Oh, and we have 3 children. This just doesn't feel like there is much breathing room here, but I wonder if I am spoiled.
i don't see trash.

if you are walking around with i-phones or fancy phones, get trac-phones from Walmart roughly 200 a year. trust me, we did live quite well without them in the dark ages.

unplug everything. why is the blender plugged in. why is the toaster plugged in? why is the lamp in the living room that we never go into plugged in? put all electronics on switch plugs and turn them off at the switch when not in use.

turn off the plug at the microwave. everything that is warm or has a little light is using electricity. doing this saves me 100 a month. put the air conditioning at 76-78. you will adjust. i only turn it down to 70 if i am doing heavy chores.

turn off lights when not in the room.

why are you paying for TV? think about it. you can't feed your children or pay your bills, yet you are paying for TV. sorry to be harsh but you need to hear it. take that 100 dollars payment every month and build your emergency fund. 1300 a year.

keep the internet- it will help you on this journey. put it on the highest speed so you can stream TV shows.

be right back.

OK -- meal planning. clean out your pantry and see what you have in there. make up a written two week meal plan to feed breakfast, lunch and dinner. work in the canned green beans that have been sitting in the pantry for a year. the h ill bill h ouse wi fe site has a lot of cheap recipes to feed your family. shop with a calculator and a list. keep a running total. no going back to the store for any reason during that two week period. freeze the bread and milk. powdered and canned milk if you run out.

sell anything of value that you can part with.

listen to dave ramsey here. i put them on while i clean house. Real Debt Help - Get out of debt with Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover Plan - daveramsey.com

errands once a week. kids ride the school bus or walk. after school activities stop.

be right back.

evaluate your usage. why am i using this much oil of olay? why am i using this much shampoo. i found i could get clean or whatever with 1/2 of my extravagant usage. evaluate your entire life.

you can do this! it requires a total mind set change. i remember sitting in the Walmart parking lot and sobbing because of the pity party because i "had come down in the world". my gawd, how far i have come:)

it's OK to have a good cry. then put on your big girl pants and clean up your mess.
 
#5 ·
I think the amount left ove is plenty to have left over for groceries, gas, and etc.

But I guess that depends on what your etc is

lots of eating out? Required club memberships for work? Tything? Health insurance? Car syments or expensive repairs? Schooling adult or children? On going medical expenses?


Etc is a very vague catagory
 
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#6 ·
Also, how many cars do you have? Do you and DH both work? how old are the cars, maybe you can lower insurance on one or both of them. No sense in paying for collision on a 7 year old car or more.

When you go food shopping, think in terms of ingredients rather than finished food. If you are buying everything ready-to-eat you are paying (too much) for the convenience. You can make almost everything yourself, bread, cookies, etc. and it will be cheaper and better for you and the kids.

I hope with 3 kids, you know about buying clothes at thrift stores and yard sales, and swapping with friends/family with kids in the same age ranges.
 
#7 ·
we spend ~ 600 a month on food cleaning -paper beauty stuff
and about 200 for dh for gas and 160 for me for gas .

dh gets 25 a week for work lunches - so thats an extra 100

so if that is what your free money has to cover i think you could do it as long as you / dh dont have to drive really far to and from work .

clothes can be bought cheaply at thrifts or watching clearance racks - hand me downs- freecycle

anytime you think you need something wait a few days you may change your mind.

there are coupons out there for just about anything from shoe stores to tires .

there are programs out there that often can help you save also - CVS _ extra care bucks- staples for ink and paper

we have 5 kids : 4 are at home the 24 yo , 18,15,11.
the 21 yo lives out but i buy things she likes or needs when on sale because come rent time she is often here looking for something she needs from my pantry / HBA stock up area.

tons of free things to do with kids out there - are you on FB if so there are blogges who thru FB paged list exactly how to get the most for your money at any given store food - drug store - staples etc you dont even have to do the match uoo work anymore they do it and if you can find one local to you they post all the free activities etc

i work PT now and for many years was a PT working mom with little ones but i was a sahm / on and off wahm for 7 years after youngest was born . and its amazing what can be done when you put your mind to it and say i can do this ~
lots to learn around here too !
 
#10 ·
I think you have gotten great advice in the above posts. Have you worked out a budget for the rest of your expenses? That will help you see what needs to be done. I think if you stick around the forum you will be able to make a dollar beg for mercy once you learn how to really stretch them.
 
#11 ·
My first suggestion: Go to your local library. Get a library card. Check out The Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn.
There are 3 volumes, or you can read the "complete" which combines the three.

These books may be a bit outdated at this point (90's) BUT they are so very inspirational!

Anytime I fall off my frugal wagon, I pick one up to start reading again... it reminds me why I'm here, and where I'm heading.

You CAN do it!
 
#12 ·
It can be very overwhelming when you know you need to create a budget that needs to be taken seriously and that those extras need to be dropped. As long the budget you listed are your ONLY bills you should be fine. Make sure you list everything that is considered a bill per month.

This site has many ideas to save money. You could probably lower your tv bill and try using the internet to watch tv shows. If you have a laptop or game console you can watch the shows on the tv.

Building a stockpile will also save you money. It may mean spending a little extra money at first but once you have a good stockpile going you can wait for the good sales and possibly use coupons. Using rags instead of paper towels will save you lots of money. Using vinegar and water to clean will also save money and may be safer around the family. Can you grow some produce in a garden or some pots during the summer. Growing just herbs can help flavor a meal.

There is a lot of information on the site. Some ideas may work and some may not work for your family. So just realize that it is ok if something doesn't work and to try and be flexible. After a while you will build the confidence and skills to live frugally and at times make due with what you have. You may even find yourself wondering why you did the things you did that wasted so much money.

When you find yourself getting overwhelmed or frustrated take a look at the success stories on this site for some incouragement.
 
#13 ·
There are two basic paths to having more money: 1) Make more. 2) Spend less. Can you do both of these?

I don't know what area of the country you are in. Some areas take much more more for living, and your salary may be considered poor. Where we are, your salary is excellent.

Can you detail your etc.?? Then maybe we can give you more detailed help.

HUGS!!!!
 
#14 ·
:hugs: and welcome

A few thoughts:

* make a menu and grocery shop with a list (this helps me from buying things I already have and making sure I have everything I need for our menu for the week)
* list any unneeded items on craigslist or ebay
* Electric does seem high, does that include your heat as well? Make sure lights are off, when I use the oven I always try to cook at least 2 items
* cook ahead and freeze items for lunches or quick dinners (breakfast burritos, bean and cheese burritos, pizza pockets, etc..)
* pack lunches for work/school
* can you shop around and find cheaper car insurance?
* we eat a lot of air popped popcorn for snacks.. buy popcorn in bulk = super affordable snack :)
 
#16 ·
I'm sorry to hear about your stress. Is the bankruptcy payment the two-year kind or just covering attorney fees? The new bankruptcy laws are more of a challenge which is unfortunate.

My suggestions:
1. If you have lived in your house over a year, you can get averaged utility bills so you won't have huge bills over summer or winter. Call utility company.
2. Some cable companies offer $25 cable package for only networks. Supplemented with Hulu or Netflix, it might work for your family.
3. Do you have Aldi's and Dollar Tree in your town? Try both of these for food, toiletries, pets and cleaning stuff. I've never had a complaint about any of the Aldi's products but some of Dollar Tree cleaning stuff is inferior - Fake Pinesol leaves residue on floors and Fake Windex stains rags - wash with rest of laundry and ruin it all. Best off using the smaller dish soap, big bottle is mostly water.
4. Petco hosts monthly vaccinations clinics using mobile vets. Check with local Humane Society to have your animals fixed -- you don't have the money to deal with a litter of animals plus possible medical complications.
5. Eat what is on sale. Give up eating out.
6. Introduce kids to thrift stores with back to school allowance. Lose icky reaction by noting Victoria Secret and Banana Republic got bed bugs. Sometimes the people trying on clothing in first-run stores aren't clean. You should wash both.
7. Check out Dollar Tree for expensive school supplies (protractor, compass, graph paper, markers, crayons, pencils) and hit Walmart for 15 cent folders, notebook paper and notepads. Save up for these items and buy a whole year worth if you can. Reuse 3-ring binders, lunch boxes and backpacks.
8. Check out city-wide garage sale days in the suburbs and estate sales in modest areas. Keep a running list of needs to look for. Always check free-boxes. Do look over all appropriate clothing and haggle to clothe kids for fall/winter in next size. It's okay to roll up legs or wear a big coat.
9. Always check ebay for miscellaneous electronics as it is always 20% price of Walmart. Look here for every non-consumable first.
10. Make meats a condiment.
11. Check mark down section of meat department, produce section and bakery first. Freeze or use meat immediately. Use produce immediately. All bread products can be frozen as can tortillas, peppers, cooked rice, old bananas (thaw on plate as it gets gooey). Your own pancakes, french toast, muffins or waffles are 10 times better than store bought and 10 times cheaper. These freeze too.
12. Plan a menu for the week around what you have on hand and sale items. Allow some extra money to get marked down or sale items. Shop with list. Shop on full stomach. Try to allow only one cheap splurge each time you shop and stick to list.
 
#17 ·
You can get by on that. It may require some lifestyle adjustments though. I'm curious as to what part of the county you live in. $400 for electric seems high even if it includes heat and a/c. I'd nudge the thermostat up a degree or two in the summer and down a degree or two in the winter.

I would say get a cheaper tv package. I pay $110 for tv, internet and home phone. Maybe try magicjack for your phone. I used it for years without a problem.

If you don't already, learn how to cook with less meat. For example, I make stir fry with one chicken breast piece for the whole family and LOT of veggies (frozen) then served over rice. Very inexpensive but nutritious and filling. I also do frequent meatless dinners, like burritos with beans but no meat.

Make sure you're shopping at the least expensive places in town that has quality you can live with, be it for food or other items. For years I shopped at Safeway because that's where my mom always shopped. Now I wouldn't set foot inside one!

Evaluate all the things that you put into that "etc" category and determine which you really need, which you are willing to do without, and which you can do for cheaper.

Make sure to put money into savings every month, regardless of everything else. An emergency fund is even more important after a bankruptcy when you are unlikely to be able to get credit if you suddenly need money. (Not to suggest that it's ok to use credit as an emergency fund if you have good credit). Build up at least $1000 in savings so that you can pay for unexpected emergencies.
 
#18 ·
Thanks a lot for all the suggestions. About my electric bill. I posted $400 because I always budget for the expensive months. For the past 2 months my bill has acutally been $118, and then $130. We are not using our a/c during the day. We are just using fans to stay cool. This month, we won't see how things will actually be because we have to pay our attorney $900. Ouch!! Luckily it is a 5 payday month, so we will make it, but barely!!

I can sit down and make out a budget for my bills and regular stuff, but I just don't know how to buy clothes, or repair vehicles, etc. Do I just make up envelopes and put money aside for these things every week?? Sorry, before I just bought and never really had to be on a budget. And, what about the wants?? Like, I would love to finish decorating my house or things dh wants to...how do we get to do some of these things, or will we ever??
 
#19 ·
Sometimes wants may need to be set aside if they are not truly needed. It depends on what you want to achieve financially for the future.

Setting aside x amount for clothing is a good idea. End of season clearances can really help and purchasing at thriftstores or yardsales can also be beneficial. With thriftstores remember that during the winter summer clothes are cheaper and during the summer winter clothes are cheaper. My criteria when purchasing used clothing is the item needs to look new. To many times you can get seduced by the price but the quality for me is more important. Don't be afraid to suggest sharing outgrown good condition clothing with neighbors, friends and family.

You have nothing to be sorry about. What is great is that you realize that a household budget needs to be set up and that you want to learn new skills for saving money. There is a lot of information here. To me it is important to first start with a budget that accounts for everything from bills, grocery, utilities, types of savings, etc. Once that is established take one thing at a time. Do you want to learn how to save of utilities? Then start reading about how to do that and apply what you can for your family. Then decide what you want to learn about next.

It is overwhelming and at times a little confusing but luckily you found a site where you can ask questions and get various answers. Also do not forget that many of us here have been or are in your shoes right now.
 
#20 ·
You will do great with that amount. We are a family of 4 and with lots of research, frugal living and adjusting to a simpler life we are at $200 a month for food, $250 gas and traveling $50 blow money and $100 unexpected each month. All the rest goes to debt and emergency funds. My best advice is to surround yourself around people in the same situations.
 
#24 ·
sorry your not sleeping due to stress, try drinking chamomile tea or adding a bag to your bath. epsoms salt in your bath will also help you destress.

as to your money sitch- here's where I see that you could cut money
if you have cell phone have landline turned off, if you get internet through phone company get a data line (I did that a few yrs ago and I can still receive calls just can't make them- I do have cell phone now).
call internet provider and ask about any plans they have currently going for savings; I called mine and got a $20 savings for either 9 or 12 mths so instead of paying $50+tax I'm down to $39 and if the person on the phone says no (first person was a snarky woman so I hung up and called back until I got someone who took the time to listen to ME, I wanted to reduce my bill and I did with the help of the CSR),
cable or dish (OUCH! finally had enough and had dish turned off in Dec2011, they finally did it in march- of course I refused to pay the last 2 mths bills which was bundled with my internet so I called and called again until I got someone who gave me $50 instacredit because they didn't have control of dish billing my bill went from $60 to $115 from start of dish contract-2 yr period-and the last bill with dish attached was $167... Mama don't play when money's the issue. lol.
electricity- invest in surge protectors if you have lots of gaming system, computer, printer etc- shut it off before bed (I have one on tv/vcr/xbox/wii, wireless rounter/internet modem, ds-room his dad needs one for his printer/computer/ lamp when he works from home) all these get turned off at night.
KEEP washer/dryer turned off at the fuse box - easy for me it's in my hall way-, line dry clothes (to combat stiffness- use a cup of vinegar in final rinse),phantom power usage from things plugged in but not actually in use- everything is unplugged unless in actual use now in my kitchen and l/r
call electric co to see if you can do 'budget billing' or (and I jsut found this out about mine Alabama Power) shoot can't remember what it's actually called but it's where you try to not use much during peak times 5-8am 4-8pm, turn on ceiling fan's and raise windows IF you and your's can deal with not having central air...
I have a small 6000btu Haier window unit in my l/r- when temps got 100+ it got turned on other than that we used ceiling fan and floor fans in our bdrms- and took quick cooldown showers.
keep drapes closed during the hottest part of day, turn down electric water heater temp, make your own boxed meals (my ds use to be a picky eater he's older now and will usually eat whatever is placed in front of him but when he was little I had to fool him I kept empty boxs of his fav foods- lasagna, cookies I'd make sure he saw the box in the trash after I 'cooked' the contents... poor thing never did catch on lol but I saved money by making batches of cookie dough, baking when he'd ask for the keebler ones. and his basagna.) like other's have suggested shop at the Thrift store if possible you can find new/tag still on items, pack lunches instead of eating out- do a soup n sandwich meal once a week. get kids involved in menu planning- let them cook one night a week.... cant tell you how many nights I've ate mac n cheese when dd cooks (thankfully she moved on to salads now), and ds his concoctions (the only way to describe what he does some are pretty darn tasty) and i've incorporated the recipes into our menus.... his fish burrito for example it looked and smells terrible but was very tasty.
ask the kids what they are willing to give up? you may be surprised I know when ds asked for us to get rid of the tv- i had to wait for the contract to end but we did it- now he watches the 300 plus Disney movies I've collected in my life- nothing better than disney-lol... we watch tv shows streaming from our laptop to the tv- from hulu or one of a host of sites that offer old programs.
 
#25 ·
These are all great ideas. I have been in almost the same boat. We were out of work for 8 months. To the point that we didn't know how we were going to cover the rent or how were we going to eat. luckily we had some of a stock pile going on. But that quickly deminished. We have learned to buy cheaper on everything. There are somethings that his family can't live without. Like Jiff peanut butter. So things like that is our big splurge items at the store. But usally we will set a $ amount before we go to the store. Take a caculator and a list with us. If we have anything left over then we can go back and get another splurg item that we normally don't get. Try to bundle services. It has helped us out in the past. We still do it to this day. We have cell phones but no landline which has worked out great for us. Also try to talk to the electric company as well. Most companies will have a saver plan of some sort. Or if you are on a fixed income(ssi ssi disability) the electrice company will work with you as well. I hope that you get some great tips of this site. I am still learning new tips from this site everytime I am on here.
 
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