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Are You Sentimental With Material Possessions and Have a Hard Time Getting Rid of It?

4K views 34 replies 24 participants last post by  Trishagirl 
#1 ·
We had my great aunt and great uncle over for supper this evening and the topic of being sentimental with "things" came up. My uncle said that as he ages, he's finding he is more and more sentimental about stuff he was given over the years.

Being "sentimental" over things is imbedded in me since my parents instilled it into me from birth. It's so hard to get rid of things because of "memories with that person or that person using it". When I'm purging, I have such a hard time stuffing it into the bag for Goodwill and letting it go. I feel sick to my stomach doing it (the sentimental feelings) but liberated when I drop it off for good.

I even have a hard time getting rid of my daughters toys. I don't know why. Being sentimental over stuff is pressed into me because of my parents and ancestors. I feel guilty trying not to be sentimental...as if I'm being insensitive and perhaps don't love that person enough to keep and cherish it. Which of course is absolutely not true.

Does anyone else have the same problem as me? Can you explain what my problem is?

My family (relatives and parents) make me feel bad for wanting/trying to let go of stuff handed down. But how can I keep everything? And why should I keep everything...even if it's a collectible and was expensive when the person bought it?

My grandparents (ones who collected the Royal Doulton figures) loved beautiful things. Sure they loved their family far more, but they loved collecting, displaying and making things look SO beautiful and fancy. I was with my grandpa the entire day of his death. My aunt and uncle were told by the nurses that my grandpa was going to die within 24 hours, so they decided to clear out his room. (My grandpa didn't realize it since he had severe alzheimers at the time.) Right before they wheeled out his last few possessions, I watched him breathe his final breath as his soul entered into Heaven to be with his Saviour. Watching him leave and watching the stuff being pushed out of the room made me realize that STUFF doesn't matter. Everything (including human life) has an end...whether we want it or not. It's the PEOPLE and the MEMORIES that are important...NOT the "things"!

What I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to teach myself NOT to hang onto material possessions. To let it go. Everything has a time and a place.

The Bible says....
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ~Matthew 6:19
 
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#3 ·
But if you were handed a Royal Doulton figurine that was precious to your grandma, would you keep it because it was hers, was expensive and because it's "an heirloom"? This is where I feel guilty. I get given so much "stuff" from my family that belonged to who knows who in the family, and I'm made to feel bad for wanting to get rid of it. DH isn't much of a help either in this department. He has a pack rat mentality, but I think I help him get rid of things without him knowing.

I feel so guilty and torn and sad inside for wanting to let stuff go. KWIM? And my hubby or family do not help get rid of this feeling. They think we should keep it..."just because".
 
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#4 ·
I have this problem. Things that belonged to our loved ones are tangible links to them. A lot of memories are tied to objects, and I've been trying to separate the two. I'm trying to remember Grandma, without needing the ugly orange recliner. I remember my vacation last year, but I don't need the "souvenir" shopping bag and tourist pamphlets. It's a slow process, because getting rid of too much at once can be traumatic, like having parts of yourself ripped away, but I'm making progress. I thin collections. I weed out junk. I'm better about not saving so much in the first place.

I also keep a journal, which I think helps. It certainly takes up a lot less space.
 
#5 ·
I have this problem. Things that belonged to our loved ones are tangible links to them. A lot of memories are tied to objects, and I've been trying to separate the two.
Very well worded. I have a very hard time "untying the memories from the objects". Excellent way to put it. But why do we have this guilt when we try to untie the two? Why, oh why?!
 
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#8 ·
I have those tendencies but have been fighting them recently. My mom died when I was 9 and I have some of her things (jewelry, silver, etc.) I have no kids (or nieces/nephews) to pass them on to. I have been starting to let them go - I never use them. I like to think of someone else enjoying them.

I think, at least for me, it is a wish to go back in time. I have Xmas ornaments from 50 years ago. I do not even decorate for Xmas anymore. I tell myself, those Christmases with my folks are never going to come back. I am down to two small boxes now.

I can have the memories without the objects.

The people who tell you- you SHOULD hang on to all these things -- ask them if you can store the stuff in THEIR house or garage.
 
#26 ·
I have those tendencies but have been fighting them recently. I have been starting to let them go - I never use them.

I can have the memories without the objects.
.
I have been making very slow baby steps along this line too. Now that my mom is gone I can get rid of all the stuff she gave me when HER MOTHER died.........that I didn't really want, and know I will NEVER use.

I am having a harder time with things my mom made........and that have not been used in my house in a long time.........but knowing her circumstances when she made it-------totally crippled with RA---seem to make them more special............it is tough!
 
#10 ·
Some of the things I want, I can make copies of and let go. My dad's service records are special to me, but my brother is the one who truly treasures the actual item. I just want the information they contain. So I've asked my mom to make me copies and then give the originals to my brother. He has children who will want them someday. We don't. So I don't have to care what's going to become of those copies, because I know the originals are safe.

I won't keep large amounts of things from others unless it's something I really want or can use. Things are not memories. My mom and I disagree about this all the time, and I know she's disappointed I don't see it her way. She thinks anything that ever belonged to my grandma, her mom, should be considered priceless treasure. My opinion is, if Grandma didn't treasure it, I don't have to either. Ditto for Mom's stuff once she's gone. I hate being so blunt about it with her but there's already too much stuff in my house. We've already had two estates dumped on us in the last fifteen years, and we don't have room for another entire houseful. Something has to give.

I've kept a couple of small items from my grandma, and would probably keep a couple more that my mom has now. But overall, if I can't use it myself, I can't be sentimental about it or I'll end up with little trails through my house and mountains of clutter. I wouldn't be getting anything out of the inherited items in that situation anyway. So it would have to go.
 
#13 ·
Memories and history will always remain in your head, you don't need to hold on to physical things to call upon them. Like others have suggested, you can take a digital pic to look upon every now and then to help recall those memories as they take up less room.

What about keeping one of the said cherished physical item and place a pic of whomever it belonged to next to it so each time you see it, you'll think of them.

Another way to look at it - are you (continually) willing to go into more debt and hassle to upgrade to a larger house to hold on to someone else's stuff?

Remember, its someone else's memories you're trying to hang onto - not your own.
 
#14 ·
What I have done a few times now is to sell or give away the offending item(s) and buy something that I like and that reminds me of that person. It may be something simple like a postcard of a place we enoyed to visit, or a piece of jewellery I know I will wear.
 
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#15 ·
I have the same issue and I learned it from my Dad!! He saved everything! He took everything we ever did in school (I have 4 sisters) and put them into books he made. Before he passed away he started giving me boxes of "my stuff" and I was shocked by some of the stuff he had saved! I found a baggie with hair from my very first haircut, every report card I ever had, any craft I ever made, my very first baby doll and on and on and on!!

I recently took a hard look at what I've saved and I know I need to stop the cycle and get rid of a lot of it! I've also saved everything my kids did/made in school. The last time our 25 yr. old dd was home for a visit I asked her about that stuff and she said she didn't want it so I'm working through it to find the really special stuff to put in a keepsake box for her and the rest will go, I'm doing the same for ds.
 
#20 · (Edited)
this is so hard..I don't have a hard time letting things go but I have to think about it for a long while...I am the keeper of the family museum also..I have my first husbands stuff and my moms and her families belongings if it falling part and can not be brought back to life I throw it out even if it hurts.... I have thrown away papers that are old..

I hate clutter and anything junky so it makes it easier to sort stuff..

I still have some of husbands things I don't even think my daughter would want his bowling ball and book bag have not got rid of it and it is 12 years later...

my husband loves musty old books they smell I would throw them away but he likes them are they mean something to him..( but when he passes I probably will toss it out)

my daughter the same way she still has stuff from toddlerhood and elementary school which I would love to throw out but she said no...

i gave away 3 very expensive paintings of my husbands that he loved I thought they were ugly..then found out what they were worth..I said well I hated them anyway..never thought a thing a bout it.

I think u should keep what means the most to u of your family members..I kept my husbands star trek collectibles because it was important to all of us we watched and collected together..It is displayed proudly...

my moms Thomas Kincaid things are displayed all over the house because she loved them and it makes us smile...light houses we have now started collecting lighthouses
because they make us think of her.. and we kept her jewelry and her homemade afghans..not really a lot..

but we kept the things that made us happy..hope this helps u some
 
#21 ·
My childhood home was a cold place. I was really never attached to anything except pets -- they always love you and treat you right.

I was raised to 'jettison some junk' to purge stuff every few months. I still practice this and have no problems cleaning something out except craft stuff. I will keep a stash as it's just so much cheaper. I also moved to a place where I cannot buy this locally...do have really cheap church thrift store for recycled fabrics.

I do however value the time I spend at work and use money wisely so I will use equipment/tools until it's obsolete or broken.

I value most the security of money in the bank...When my health took a bad turn, my savings kept me living independently after employment discrimination and waiting on SSDI. I've spent many years in bad part-time employment situations while drawing SSDI and it takes 18 months to find something else. I don't care about 'luxurious', I go for comfortable.

My decorating tastes do including using some unique things I have picked up traveling...I guess this is my fix.
 
#22 ·
I'm in same boat as you for a totally different reason. I don"t get rid of things because I'm afraid I'll need them after I get rid of them and have to purchase them again.
I'm glad I have all of my crafts because I got them cheaply and the cost to buy them today would be too much.

I know mine is not sentimental value because I lost my diamond in my wedding rings and I'm not happy but I tell my family I may not have the ring, but I still have the wonderful guy I married 37 years ago,
 
#25 ·
Last winter I downsized, decluttered and repurposed.
This winter I'm planning on tackling some more UFO's, which will bring down my craft supplies, extra clothing, fabric stashes, etc...all the while freeing up some more space in my closets.
Waste not...want not.
I still have my iceskates and my bike...can't bear to sell them yet, just in case I can recover my physical abilities enough to use them again...or maybe save them for my grandkids who'll grow into them in a few years.
 
#29 ·
think about how much joy it would bring to someone who still loves it. Then give or sell it to them.

I just sold the last doll from my childhood - why I kept ONE, I have no idea. It has been in my dresser drawer for 30+ years. Now I hope it will be loved and cherished by someone new, unless I get another non-paying bidder on ebay, ugg.
 
#28 ·
I think for me it's probably the way my brain works, picking up/touching an item triggers a strong memory.
Granda's pipe, if I pick that up I'm immediately brought back to helping him in the fields or watching him swing a pick axe or sitting on his knee in his yellow wingback. I did manage to fugure out that I could hang onto something smaller eg the chair didn't make it but the pipe did :)
I think maybe for anything you do want to let go, take a picture of it and put it into an album?
 
#31 ·
Guilty as charged, I'm the family museum. Particularly things from my mom's mom. She was my favorite grandma. I have started doing this for certain items: take a picture with my camera/phone. Upload it to the computer so I have it in more than one place. Place the item in a box, seal the box, and mark it DONATE. Do NOT write on the box what is in it. It will cause self-doubt and pain again if you open it or sort through it again. Let it sit in the box for months. At first you will know "oh that's the box with the cookie jar...." but eventually it will fade to where you may remember the cookie jar but not the other 5 things with it. Donate the box when you are ready but do NOT reopen the box. Its hard, but it does work for me anyhow. Because I know somewhere I even have pictures of the item. I have since deleted even the pictures of some items because once I didn't have the item, the pictures really weren't doing anything for me anyhow, so then I was truly able to let go of it entirely.
 
#32 ·
Yes and no. While our house is tiny, it is the biggest in the family, and we have a number of things that have been given to us whether we wanted them or not. So while *I* might not miss them, there is drama from the family when I get rid of things... Example, I stopped playing drums after high school, the set just sat there... nothing special as a set, but nice old zildjian cymbals. I donated the set and sold the cymbals on Ebay to a guy in Australia. It makes me feel good to think of them being played again, and I'd love to go to Australia some day, and it gives me a sense of connection that something that was once such a part of me is already there. Then I took the money and bought a kitchenaid mixer that I love. Every time I use the mixer, I think of the drums and the people I knew back then, and it's useful and takes up much less space. Now, my mother, who bought met the set as a Christmas gift... SHE was peeved.

Soon we're getting new cabinets in the kitchen. She will have to choose between taking back the ugly white metal cabinet in the kitchen that belonged to Grandma and to "Uncle Gilly" or was it "Uncle Gene"... heck I don't know, they were all before my time... but at any rate, I will no longer have room for it, and she can either take it back, or I'm junking it (or might put it outside as a potting shelf by the garden shed, but it will be exposed to the weather and will eventually rust and ruin...

I have a painting done by DH's grandmother in the closet upstairs... She gave it to me as a Christmas gift. I never liked it, and now she's dead... I would love to get rid of it, but he would have a conniption (some day, when he finally noticed,) so it stays there in the closet. The funny part being that he would accuse ME of being the packrat! :)
 
#33 ·
No I don't either, but I can cherish the memories. Hanging on to everything just becomes clutter in the end, and after helping my mom clean out my grandmas storage after she passed, was too much stuff. She had birthday cards since the 1950's among other things.
 
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