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1K views 9 replies 8 participants last post by  MsBookWorm 
#1 ·
We are facing some challenges ahead with dd16. She is wanting to take a 7 year program that will lead only a low paying job. She had it in her head that this was what she was doing and we were going to pay for it.

I shook my head. End up with nearly 100K minimum in debt with a job that would be barely 35K a year. Don't need an education to earn that. But she has been soooo stubborn. We've indicated some areas where she'd have aptitude for, where there IS work, and good wages, as well as lots of varied opportunities. she stomped her feet and said no, that wasn't what she wanted. What also concerns us with her chosen path, is that every graduate we know is going into that field too... meaning saturation of the field. I'm talking 8/10 grads for the last 5 years that we've talked to seems to be in.

Finally, I told her, to research what prerequisites she needed, how much schooling she'd need, what the costs to go is right now.(they just announced 20% increase in tuition...ughh). And that she'd better get a job now as we weren't doing more than give her a place to live through school. She was really really angry with me. She started looking for a job, and low and behold, she can't get one as easily as she thought, but she's still looking. She's been researching.... with attitude and resentment.....

And BREAK THROUGH!!!(At least I hope so)

Last weekend she talked to me, and said that she wants to explore another field. It is still 5 years, but job prospects are huge and varied, Solid starting wage, with great growth potential, job stability is high, she is well suited to it, she even pointed it out in her aptitude testing. I also explained that when/if she becomes a parent, she can have the flexibility to work around her husbands schedule or just be casual. She even went so far as to find a week long 'camp' to go and shadow some one, explore the field.

I also pointed out that she can do the first 3 years as distance learning to save even more as she could work full time through that, taking 2 courses at a time, paying cash as she goes, meaning only 2 years full time university. She got excited at that prospect. As it would mean minimal student loans.

She is getting things together to get a city job this summer, as it will pay more than minimum wage and once you get in there, you can move around and climb the ladder for better wages.

Thankfully, ds19 wasn't as stubborn, as soon as he realized he wasn't one to sit still, it ruled out office jobs, medical, etc. He is into the trades apprenticeship program now, just finished his first year training, which he paid cash for and earns more than I do! He loves what he's doing, works hard and finished with 92% for his first year schooling(8 weeks a year for 3 years then 12 weeks in year 4). He really is thriving.
 
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#2 ·
You are doing a super job with educating your kids regarding their financial futures.

My husband and I were very negligent in this area and now both my DS and DD have low paying jobs and school loan debts for years to come. We had originally planned for them to pay off school loans on their own but now are deciding to help them out because I feel guilty about my poor example of financial responsibility. I got a late start but am teaching them as much about frugality and avoiding debt as I can now. They are still young 23 and 25 and hopefully will learn a lesson now and not when they are 50 like me.
 
#3 ·
Good for you for sticking your ground.

Your story reminds me of my niece and nephew who are brother and sister. Brother is older and he pittered around when it came to going to college. His sister graduated high school and immediately got into a nursing program. That lit a fire under his behind and went back to college and took it seriously. Both graduated the same year. He got his teaching credential, she got an advanced degree in nursing. She was recruited by leading hospitals and took an offer with the Mayo Clinic in AZ which included perks like a paid apartment, use of a convertible sports car and tons of other stuff. Her salary if very, very nice. He moved in with his sister since he couldn't afford an apartment of his own on a teacher's salary.

Yes, he wishes he had considered the pay range of his profession.

All is fine now. He is married, with a baby, and has a lovely condo but a slightly change of course in which degree he pursued in college might have put him on a more solid financial footing. Oh well.
 
#4 ·
. He moved in with his sister since he couldn't afford an apartment of his own on a teacher's salary.

Yes, he wishes he had considered the pay range of his profession.

All is fine now. He is married, with a baby, and has a lovely condo but a slightly change of course in which degree he pursued in college might have put him on a more solid financial footing. Oh well.
That is interesting, as here most of the teachers I know, are very well paid. I do suppose it depends on the country/state/province. Teaching here is upper middle class income.
 
#5 ·
I wish my grandson was focused.....he turned 21 today...he has been going to community college for 3 years & working almost full time.. .....now, he tells us he doesn't want to be a teacher.....he has a job which he loves working with children....he wants to continue woring his way up the ladder....I am insisting he gets a degree in SOMETHING & I am suggesting he stays with the teachers certificate in order to have it to fall back on.........I am not sure I got thru to him.....

Oh, I am so envious of all of you who have children and gkids who KNOW what they want to do!!!!
 
#6 ·
I don't hear anything oh so woeful. :)

I think it's wonderful to help soon to be adult children explore their goals and plans for the future, but I think as parents we have to be careful to step back and remember that what happens immediately following high school isn't the absolute determination of life-long success. And that we each have different definitions of "success".

My parents truly thought they had my future mapped out by the time I was 17. I had been taking college classes since I was 15 , graduated high school at 17, and entered my undergrad experience as a sophomore. According to them, I would graduate in three years (preferably under three years with summer classes and a stacked schedule) and then trot off to med school. That plan worked out fabulously until my senior year when I realized that I had absolutely no interest in becoming a physician. ***Keep in mind, they did not offer to finance their master plan, just beat me over the head with it while I worked myself ragged to keep a roof over my head and cover as much tuition as possible.

Instead...I dropped out (Gasp! Sob! You're throwing your future away!) for a year to wait tables/travel/figure things out/do lots of stupid but really fun things with friends (Gasp! Sob!, You're wasting your time!), returned to school, changed majors to social work of all things (Gasp! Sob! You'll starve to death!) Found a profession that I loved. Worked my ass off. Endured long hours at high burnout jobs with little pay, but somehow survived quite joyfully and moved up into wonderful work roles. After working for six years, I dropped down to part-time hours and went into grad school with excellent skills and experience. I now have a career that I love and am passionate about while making good money and having the flexibility to create my own schedule. It's been an amazing journey and I wouldn't trade a minute of it. Was it a direct route? No. Was it a route that made sense to me? Yes!
 
#9 ·
Do you mind telling us what the field is, I am just curious as to what requires 7 years with that type of salary. I understand if you would rather not share I agree, it is important to educate children and assist in guiding them, but they ultimately have to live their own life even if they are in a career they hate. My parents wanted to force me into teaching (also upper middle class pay here), nursing or accounting. I wasted my first 3 semesters because I did not want to go into any of those fields. I also wanted to be a social worker, my parents were supportive, but I knew what they were thinking. I graduated undergrad in 2001 and started with a whopping salary of $19,000 per year. Yikes I know, but I have worked hard and now make at least double the salary as the other fields in this area my folks wanted me to go into (teaching, nursing or accounting). I also make my own schedule and have total control over how much I work while doing something I love! This did not happen overnight and required me to get a masters and many hours of hard work, but I am very happy with my choice. However, $100 K is a lot for school and I would likely encourage / educate about the realities of spending so much for the return on investment as well, that way at least you know they were informed. At least she wants to go to school, my nephew dropped out and I am so worried about his future. He has a decent job, but is young and will likely have a much more difficult life than his sister who is in school to be an RN.
 
#7 ·
I am not pushing her to any particular one, but away from one that I know leads no where. Even a girl with her masters in the field is unable to get a permanent position. There is just no work. with the rate of tuition increase, she'd be looking at soooo much debt. There is so much else out there that she could love and do well. Her goal is to help people, there are many ways to do that. Now she is more grounded, and finding a passion for where she is now considering.

DS was SO much easier. We pointed out that he doesn't like sitting at a desk, and left it at that..lol. He rethought the whole thing on his own. DD16 was head in the clouds romanticizing her choice. Thankful after 6months discussion and showing her the debt she'd carry, she seems to be more grounded. The fact was, she didn't know what her job prospects were, what she'd actually be doing, what she'd be paid. She just dug in because we weren't too encouraging.

I do wish there were more female friendly trades so the girls could have that fall back that ds will have. He enjoys his trade, in a few years he may want to go professional, but he'd have a way to easily pay his way through. The girls will be working for little to save and scrimp their way through... but such is life. not always able to get what we want. Yes, I realize the girls could work trades, etc, but neither is thick enough skin to be comfortable working with nearly all men.
 
#10 ·
I didn't notice this said by any previous posters, but I wanted to make a suggestion to OP for dd16 or to any other poster with a similar situation. While I agree that it is admirable to consider many of the bleeding heart fields that exist, one often can't live on the wages they provide despite all the education required. I have been guilty of aching for these types of fields myself and when I finally realized minimum wage (or close to it) wasn't enough I had to find another way to satisfy those urges.

How you ask? Volunteer work. Yep it was perfect. I could have my decent paying day job and then spend as much or as little of my free time volunteering for whatever bleeding heart cause I desired. I could develop entirely different skill sets, meet new people, network, job shadow others, and keep productive during periods of unemployment. This also led me to the realization that many of the bleeding heart jobs I was hellbent on doing were not at all what I thought they were and boy was I thankful I didn't sink all that money into the education required for them.
 
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