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Does your frugality ever make you feel poor?

3K views 19 replies 16 participants last post by  mjcongleton 
#1 ·
Right now I'm shopping for a new house. I already own my own home, but want to upgrade while renting my current home out. Problem is I look at the price of nice homes and they seem so out of reach. I really wonder how people afford these homes. For me it would mean spending another $600/mo. on the interest portion of a new mortgage. Right now I'm only paying $162/mo interest and I can't even come close to justifying spending another $600/mo, even though I can. That doesn't include the increased property taxes, insurance, heating/cooling ect... In the end I will probably just give up and spend the next 2 years becoming debt free, thus decreasing my interest payments to $0.

Well I know how other people afford bigger homes. They don't save for their kids educations, nor their own retirements, which allows them to spend more money on a home then I would. They also don't care about building wealth, and look at interest as a necessary evil (if they even know they're paying interest at all).

Does anybody else ever feel so poor, or like they should have more, but can't because it is not fiscally (frugally) responsible? Also, for those of you who have a little more life experience the me, was living the frugal life worth the sacrifice? Right now all my money is going to my retirement, children's future education, and my current mortgage, while everybody around me is enjoying the good life now.
 
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#2 ·
We live very frugally and have for a number of years. It was and is worth it!!!!

the 'good life', is what you make of it. Do you really think that those people with the big homes, fancy toys, cars, etc., are happy? How many hours away from home do they have to spend to pay for it all? Oh, wait, the weekend comes. I get to spend at least 48 hours enjoying what I have to spend 60 plus hours working to afford.

if you constantly compare what you have or don't have to others, you will never be satisfied. You would be surprised at how little you actually need to be happy and comfortable. Believe me, I know first hand. Stop looking at what you perceive to be others living the good life. Start looking at what you perceive to be a good life. Oh, and be sure to like yourself first, be happy with who you are, in your own skin. That alone is priceless!!!!!
 
#3 ·
mjcongleton, yes it was(is) worth it. I cannot tell you how good it feels to help our children with their education! Don't get me wrong, they both work and help out ,however they both will graduate debt-free with our help. Also,it is a good feeling to save for our retirement and be responsible. Sure if the SHTF and we lose everything it will not be good, but at least we tried to take care of ourselves. When your mortgage is paid off- you will be living the good life! Somehow, with a paid off mortgage, a newer car etc. doesn't even feel tempting! When our kids are completely on their own and perhaps living further away, we will have the funds to visit them often or travel etc. Don't let others make you feel bad for being responsible, because someday you'll have many more options. It's not how much you make ,it's what you do with what you make.
 
#5 ·
People don't OWN all that stuff. It was bought on credit and the bank owns it. They are up to their eyeballs in debt. Two weeks without a paycheck and 99% of them will lose their house and car and will be dodging debt collectors. What kind of "good life" is that?

I feel it was absolutely worth it to live "poor" while we got out of debt. We found plenty of cheap entertainment. Here we are 12 years later and our friends who were spending and living it up are STILL paying it off, living hand to mouth. With no debt and cash in the bank I have the freedom to book a european vacation and leave on Friday if I wished. Or go buy whatever else I want without having to put it on a credit card to be able to afford it.

Right now DH and I truly have wealth to live as we please, with no worries about payments, paychecks, unexpected emergencies, etc. That kind of peace of mind can't be bought.
 
#6 ·
I am 39 and I can tell you that YES, IT WAS WORTH IT. We still live VERY frugally and seldom spend any money. I'm still trying to find that middle ground where it's okay to spend a little of the money and enjoy life while we are still relatively young.

But, I sacrificed for years and I bought a very nice house with cash, I have no debt and I'm thankful that I did that. I could have a home 2-3 times as expensive, but I love having no mortgage! I love getting paid and not needing the money. I love doing whatever I want to do - go buy a new car with cash, go on a month long vacation, retire any darn day now (if I choose), never worry about getting sick and missing work. It's a great feeling.

Maybe you could put a little money into your current home with upgrades?

And I second the idea to STOP comparing what you have to what others have. You don't know what is going on under their roof. Big homes and fancy cars do not make you happy.
 
#8 ·
Nope we never feel poor and didn't really feel poor when we were poor. I do think we have been living the good life all along. Now in our mid 40's being frugal is really paying off. We used to be called weird and now we are called lucky. Silly

Don't judge those that look to have it all. They may be doing all you are as far as savings but just have a bigger income or income streams you don't know about. They could also be in HOCK up to their eyeballs. One can never tell unless you can see the actual financial facts. I find it far easier to not care what others are doing financially and be happy with what we do in our own lives. So many people cant even be honest with THEMSELVES about their finances let alone others. Its too tied to self-worth for some people.
 
#9 ·
Yes, I do admit to "feeling poor" sometimes. Actually, I think what I am feeling is "is it REALLY necessary to restrict my spending this much??" NONE of our friends are frugal the way we are. NONE. So, I sometimes feel bad because we are so often are the ones who say "No" when they all want to go out to dinner. Going out to dinner means MINIMUM $65 and often it is $100+ per couple. We say no about 75% of the time. We are invited out about once a week. The good thing is we have wonderful understanding friends who do not hold it against us and who also do inexpensive things with us as well...walks, coffee at a coffee shop, potlucks...Even though I do occasionally feel irritated about being so frugal, the reality is that this really IS who I am and also barring a huge windfall or huge increase in income we HAVE to save this way to meet our goals...early retirement, no debt, no money "worries"...We are totally debt free, pay cash for cars etc and are set for dh to retire in the lifestyle we want at 55, maybe a couple years earlier. So, yes sometimes being so frugal is tiring but it is TOTALLY WORTH IT. :) I would much rather have my dh retire early and enjoy his life(I work very part time) than spend money the way most people do on eating out and on "things".
 
#10 ·
I keep using the excuse that we can't buy X "because we're poor" and my husband told me that i had to stop saying it because its not true. Okay okay yes we physically possess the money. But with the amount of debt we have and our income - i'm sorry but i am poor. I feel poor everyday of my life. But pretending i'm not - wouldn't make me all of a sudden feel wealthy. I want every extra possible dollar to go toward debt - every single thing we buy is one more dollar i am in debt. So i do wonder if i possibly hate debt too much. I'm okay with never having a life and putting every extra dollar at the debt - my husband is the one insisting we have atleast a little bit of a life. Which is good i guess. I really wish i didn't have to worry about money constantly but i don't think i'll ever get there until this is paid off. i kept saying when the credit cards are paid off i'll feel better, but now i'm saying when the cars are paid off i'll feel better, honestly i won't feel better until everything is paid off. I could go a month without spending a dime. My husband would go bonkers by day 2.
 
#11 ·
Well I know how other people afford bigger homes. They don't save for their kids educations, nor their own retirements, which allows them to spend more money on a home then I would. They also don't care about building wealth, and look at interest as a necessary evil (if they even know they're paying interest at all).
Really? How do you know this? Everyone with a larger home than you doesn't save or have retirement funds? Maybe it's just that they have a larger income...
 
#13 ·
Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone. It helps me a lot to know others have traveled my path before. As for right now, I'll stay on my frugal path. I do believe it is worth it. I'm only 3 years out from being debt free (for the 2nd time) and having both my children's educations prepaid in full, while still being on track to retire at 55. I should really be thankful.

Hiraeth - Thanks for your honesty. It is nice to know that I'm not the only one with money who "feels poor"

Kate0558 - I abhor debt. I always have. I think if you took me to a psychotherapist they would probably say I have a mental disorder, that is how much I hate debt. I was debt free from 2010 to 2013 (house, cars, education, everything) and it felt great. I felt so relieved to know both me and my wife could lose our jobs on the same day, and we would still be able to drive our cars and live in our house with minimal income. Your 25, I'm 40. I was (and still am) like you when I was younger. So far the payback has been worth it. As a side note, the reason I'm in debt is because I re-mortgaged my house to fully fund my children's college education. I'm actually using my hate of debt against myself. It has worked so far, looks like it will take a little less than 3 years to pay off my house (for the second time).
 
#15 ·
I also agree that not everyone is in debt. A lot of people have higher incomes, money from family, frugal in ways other than house or cars, etc.

It's just a bad idea altogether to compare yourselves to others. There will always be someone prettier, skinnier, richer, better husband, better kids, better car, better home...just be happy with what you do have.
 
#16 ·
I never feel poor and have been frugal my whole life. This is how I look at living frugally; I liked a new car that came out and when I see someone driving one I say to myself; I like my car payment better. The really great thing about living frugally and paying of your house and vehicles is then you can then have the money to spend on things you really enjoy. Was it worth it; absolutely. I haven't had a house payment for over 10 years.
When you say they are enjoying the good life; do you really know their financial situation?
 
#17 ·
Does anybody else ever feel so poor, or like they should have more, but can't because it is not fiscally (frugally) responsible? Also, for those of you who have a little more life experience the me, was living the frugal life worth the sacrifice?
I guess there are different definitions of frugality. To me, feeling like I "should have more" is not frugality. It is cash-strapped consumerism. Frugality to me is feeling like I already have enough. So, it is not a sacrifice: I already have enough. I don't want a lot more, so I don't need much cash.

When I bought my first house, I deliberately bought modestly. It wasn't a sacrifice. I was happy to live in a comfortable place that met my needs and allowed me to get free from debt quickly. Since then, I got married, which changes things. My wife is less frugal than me, so we end up with more of a consumer lifestyle than I am totally comfortable with. The sacrifice for me is having to buy stuff that we could do without.
 
#19 ·
I think being frugal is so very personal. What some consider frugal, others would consider lavish. People have different values and preferences. Incomes and cultures differ and this impacts the perception of frugality.

Sometimes I think I'm being frugal or thrifty, then I read someone's post here and just laugh at myself. Also, we are all in different places financially. I tend to think of myself as a wasteful person compared to most of the people at FV. I've changed but I still have a long way to go. I get inspired and motivated reading these threads.
 
#20 ·
Ahemmm... After a few days of gathering my thoughts I have firmly made the decision to stop looking for a new house. My current house is fine for now. I'm glad I have a supportive wife who pointed out to me that we don't need a new house as this one is fine for now, and since the kids are small (0 and 4) they don't know the difference anyway.

Now my only decision is to decide if I want to buy rentals or pay off my mortgage faster, as I now have a down payment I need to do something with. So back to the excel spreadsheets to do another analysis, only this time in search of something that will increase my bottom line faster.

It took a few days, but I'm glad for the experience as it let me reconfirm my dedication to keeping my family safer from financial struggles.

I also agree with others that I need to stop comparing myself to others, and the truth is I really don't know their situations anyway. All the other comments on this thread have been helpful as well. THANKS.
 
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