Do you feel guilty when you spend $$ on yourself?

**homesteadmamma** · 01-09-2004, 10:38 AM

This is a difficult one for me, because most times I do feel really guilty once I've gotten it home. Even when I purchase fat quarters, I still feel that guilt.

I know I shouldn't and I often wonder how one gets over that.

Thoughts!!

**Dixie** · 01-09-2004, 10:48 AM

Oh my goodness, yes! I don't really know why. I help earn the money, I'm financially responsible(well most of the time, anyway)

I have the biggest problem with clothes. I can bring myself to buy things at yard sales, but anything that costs more than a few bucks, I feel guilty. Don't know why.

**guest2** · 01-09-2004, 11:17 AM

It depends. If it is something that I need, then no. But...if it something that I just want then I might feel a bit guilty!

**QuilterMom** · 01-09-2004, 12:00 PM

I'm like you - I usually feel the guilt when I get home.

**AmyBoz** · 01-09-2004, 12:13 PM

I feel TOTALLY guilty when I buy things for myself. Just yesterday I used a Walmart gift card that I got for my birthday to buy a hat and gloves for Julia and two bottles of Palmers cocoa butter to keep away the stretch marks. I almost put the cocoa butter away because I felt it was too frivolous. It's ridiculous, and I really don't know where it comes from because my parents spend money on themselves like you wouldn't believe. It's not that I don't think I'm worthy...I know I am. I'm a great mom, a great teacher, a great wife, I work harder than a lot of people I know, and I'm a good person. However, I CANNOT reward myself. Not even with time. I even hate asking dh to take dd to the park so I can take a bath or read a book because I feel like I should be going to the park with her. I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess!

**guest2** · 01-09-2004, 12:24 PM

Amy! You do realize that you need time for yourself right? It makes you an even better mommy, teacher, wife and friend!

With the new baby coming, you are going to need to have that time for you and to pamper yourself. Going from 1 child to 2 is a huge change! Trust me on this!

We went from 1 child to 3 (with the birth of the twins) and I was shocked at how my life changed overnight! With 1 child, I could still be super mom, super teacher, and super wife! Add another child (or 2 in my case) into the mix and I was lucky to even get sleep. It was then that my hubby and I quickly realized that if I didn't start taking time for me that I'd burn out and have nothing to give to my family and others. I needed to learn "balance"! So please, don't ever feel guilty about taking time for yourself or getting something that will help you feel better about yourself. Think of it as an investment in your family!

**mommy2three** · 01-09-2004, 12:31 PM

i'm with amy too. i feel guilty when i am sooo happy that grandma took one of the kids for a day or two. i feel guilty when i have to tell dd that i want to take a shower so i can have some quiet time. dh does whatever he wants whenever he wants because i feel guilty saying no you should stay with the kids and i should get to do something (out of the house).
i think it's a woman thing too.

**guest2** · 01-09-2004, 12:34 PM

Misty!!!! Hon, you need to take some time for yourself too!

**summercat** · 01-09-2004, 01:59 PM

Nope, not at all

I don't by myself things that I "want" that often mainly things that I need such as new clothes which is what I did last year.

**canadian gardener** · 01-09-2004, 02:35 PM

not if it's my allowance I don't. That is mine to SPEND on whatever.

Recently though I've been buying some new clothes (badly needed, I used to never do this except under duress) and I REFUSE to let my allowance cover that or i'd have none left.

When dh needs clothes we buy them out of general household, so now I'm doing that finally too.

I am no longer going to use up all cash gifts etc buying bras or undies or stuff like that which has happened as well. Those cash gifts are for ME.

NOT to waste on household or clothing, both of which are responsibilities of our budget to supply.

AND I've finally decided that looking nice with nice clothes is a need not a frivolity. Dh has told me that for years, but I"ve always put everyone else before me.

NOT NOW! What changed? I don't quite know, except that sometime this year I woke up, looked around and found I'd let my body go into poor health, by never caring for me

and let my wardrobe go into really frumpy clothes that made me feel frumpy and not nice.

I had a total hysterectomy this summer but even before that I was doing this makeover thing.

I bought a weight machine from Sears, and stuck it in ds's old room when he moved out and I'm lifting weights at the lightest setting for only 10 minutes on Mon, Wed and Fri. More than that my tummy hurts.

I'm buying nice (but cheap) outfits from the TanJay outlet near me and a Tabi store that has the BEST sales. Top quality clothes, that are worth a LOT more than I pay, and look like a lot more than I paid.

I feel so much better, and dh likes it, and I realize now laterbrb

**Jayne** · 01-09-2004, 02:43 PM

Sometimes I feel guilty, if it is a large purchase, and I have taken many of those back...like before Christmas, I went to Dress Barn and bought 2 sweaters, a turtleneck, and 2 pairs of jeans, total150.00...I took it all back the next day...I didn't need it..and I didn't need to rack up more debt...sometimes guilt is a good thing, I guess

**AmyMCGS** · 01-09-2004, 02:44 PM

I do feel guilty when I buy myself something that isn't a necessity~ even though DH tells me not to worry about it.

Today, for example, I bought a new purse at Kmart, and it must have taken me 20 minutes to choose which one. Now, it wasn't like I spent a lot ($16) ... I just couldn't decide whether to do it or not. Nevermind that the one I'm carrying now is starting to literally fall apart.

I didn't feel this way when I worked full time. We were DINKs, and I didn't really think about it too much. I think now I'm more conscious of it because I don't contribute much financially~ I only work 12 hours a week at my paying job.

**canadian gardener** · 01-09-2004, 02:50 PM

sorry about that the doorbell rang with a friend for tea.

I realize now that spending things on me isn't selfish it's like house maintenance.

If you don't do it it gets expensive to repair later AND

It's much more fun to live in a house that is kept up-- makes your whole outlook much happier.

I must say that wearing nice clothes and keeping myself up is sure more fun than the way I used to be.

Letting go the guilt is hard though.

**lucy979** · 01-09-2004, 03:14 PM

Definately!! Like tonight we spent $66 and I didn't get anything. It was all for dh and dd. I didn't buy anything because we had already picked out that stuff for them.

Dh has no qualms about spending money on himself. I wish I could be more like that.