Spending and Emotions!

[Shell]

I think part of going on the frugal path is to also look as why we overpend sometimes. For emotional spenders this way of dealing with your pain really hurts your pocketbook. So take a look at this:

http://www.ivillage.com/money/life_s...244273,00.html

[canadian gardener]

good article. I was thinking today of how many problems in my life come from not wanting to say "no" to myself. wanting to nurture myself the way I wasn't at various critical times in my life.

Over eating, giving myself permission to eat stuff I shouldn't but I enjoy anyway.

Over spending, giving myself permission to buy stuff I shouldn't but I enjoy anyway.

Much of that is under control-- sometimes tight control, with occaisional sudden bursts off the wagon but I was thinking about why I tripped myself up so often in my life, ALL my life long!

When I asked myself why is it hard for me to say no, it flashed into my mind all the times when I wanted something and didn't have it. Mostly it was attempting to get good feelings or good times back.

Spending on stuff to help make the home my Granny had, recreate something.

Making certain recipes to recreate the warmth of her love.

I looked a little further and saw that the root of it, was wanting to have those feelings of family and home, and somehow in the times when I didn't say no, but "indulged"

those were self nurturing moments.

It's funny you posted the article because I'm trying to deal with the inner urge to spend, to over eat

by talking to myself about how short term stuff like over eating, or over spending is actually destroying my ability to nurture and care for myself properly in the future.

If I can just re program myself to see saving (which I don't mind, and I actually like most of the time) and eating sensibly (again I don't mind and I like most of the time) as deeply nurturing of myself

I may just be able to overcome those moments when I go off the wagon and do damage to my diet and to my budget.

[canadian gardener]

I think this is a deep deep key for me as to why I blow money sometimes, despite being frugal, and why I blow my diet and destroy days of hard work and it’s making a lot of sense. I’ve worked at creating the home I lost, the sense of security, that has been a priority for me, for my kids. I think I’ve never understood caring for myself.

Odd.

I suppose God is taking me on a new journey in this direction.

Thanks for sharing Shell

[Shell]

Wow Margery it sounds like you have done some real soul searching. I have to agree with you on all your points. I also will do really well for a while with being frugal and watching my diet and them whamoo! I am sure it has a lot to do with my dad being a VERY violent boozer and made everyone in my house be afraid and angry. Because of this my brother spends every penny he gets and my sister drinks a lot.

I watched Oprah once and I liked what she said, "it's not the potato chips that are making you fat----find out the REAL reason you over eat (or over spend)

A big part of over-coming a lot of our problems is loving and nuturing our selves. When we are not loving or true to ourselves we look for it elsewhere.

I am glad this article could help.

[canadian gardener]

I think it has something to do with living in survival mode for so long.

It affects housekeeping too. I've pretty much overcome that, but my thinking was sometimes "i'll take it easy, I'm allowed, I don't HAVE to do that kitchen right away"

Meanwhile the spots on the floor and counter would harden and it would be worse when I got to it.

Kind of like I gave myself permission to procrastinate as a form of self nurture that backfired regularly.

again I've dealt with the symptoms in myself, but the root cause is still there.

Keeping clutter (another thing i had to really work on in my early adult years) stems from never knowing what the future holds.

Grab hold of what you have and hang on for dear life because everything might be different and worse tomorrow.

I'm just starting to recognize the roots of that even though I dealt with the behaviour years back.

Now to me dejunking is self nurture definitely.

Wonderful how we don't have to stay chained to our backgrounds. Freedom is attainable.

Freedom from Debt
Freedom from Clutter
Freedom from Procrastination
Freedom from Over Eating.

thanks again Shell for helping me burble on and kind of sort it thru in this thread and others.

Love and hugs always

[guest2]

Great article! Thanks for posting it.

[Shell]

I am glad it could help. We have to think that our emotions effect our spending so I think it is wise to spend some time reflecting on our emotions. Are we using things to fill some void in our life?