I need help with money

**Dotchi** · 04-08-2005, 09:36 PM

I used to be a wonderfully gifted penny pincher. My family of four could live off $20 in groceries a week, I coordinated everything for the most errands on the least amount of gas, etc. I even started making our clothes!

But lately, I have been working thrid shift in a nursing home, homeschooling my two boys during the day and sleeping when I can. My dh has started his own business and I am left taking care of everything. We can't seem to get the house paid, I can't seem to coordinate anything, and we're running ourselves into a serious hole.

Last week, we spent $300!!! on gas and food alone. Understand, my FIL just died and we were run ragged... but still! that is too much. I need help sorting out what I need to do and some ideas on saving money, staying sane, or whatever, would be very much welcome.

Right now, I spend $14 a day in gas to drive to and from work. When I first started, It wasn't too bad and gas prices were realistic. At first it was $7 a day for gas. Now it has doubled and is eating away at my budget. I even started working doubles so I could have less gas cost. But that only worked when I was the only one working.

The other issue is that I have fallen off my frugal pedestool and can't seem to get back on it at all.

Anyone have motivational speeches that will inspire me? Any advice? Maybe a boot to kick me into gear? I am drained.

**Emerald_Mommy** · 04-08-2005, 11:26 PM

I don't want to kick you while you're down. You're going through a very tough time and you obviously already have some frugal skills! Give yourself a break and some time. On the practical side there are so many great suggestions on this board. Just don't think you have to do everything frugal right away. Ease yourself back into that frugal mindset. You can do it! Find one idea and implement that then add another. Hope this helps, somehow. Best of luck to you & your family!

**ktboop1** · 04-09-2005, 01:24 AM

Hi Dotchi;

Wow!! You must be absolutely exhausted..I agree with Emerald Mommy. Give yourself a break. I admire all of you who take on the awesome task of homeschooling. I don't know how you pull it off after working 3rd shift!! Please don't take this badly, but have you considered placing your children in public school, even for just the rest of the year? You need your rest to keep up with all those frugal activities you mentioned you used to do, not to mention just for your own well-being and sanity. At least if they went off to school you could get some uninterupted rest.

I would just start with one or 2 things at a time to get back in the swing of things. You mentioned the gas money being a big crunch on your budget. Could you carpool a couple of nights a week?

I wish you the best and hope that things start coming back together for you :smile:

**PrairieRose** · 04-09-2005, 10:50 AM

Hey, glad to have you here with us. We've all been in a similar place at some point.

Please take some time to read some old posts here. Enlist the family to help with the housework more and make lists.....

They help me organize myself more than just about anything I can think of. It's hard when you hit a rough spot and are running in every different direction burning the candle at both ends. You have to slow down and prioritize. Hang in there.....

**homesteadmamma** · 04-09-2005, 11:17 AM

I agree with the other ladies - give yourself a bit of a break. You have all the skills by the sounds of it so just take a deep breath and see what is the easiest to do right now.

I also agree, enlist your family is helping out. This is a good time to put some of those homeschooling skills to practice. Have your kids helping around your home, even if they are young. It helps them to see they are a part of a family. They can also help you shop. And even though your dh has started his own business, he can help out as well. He needs to give you a break just so you can have some time for you. Its time to sit down with him and share how your feeling and the struggles your going through. Often having another perspective (your dh/so) helps make things easier when they truly know how your feeling.

Sometimes working extra hours doesn't pay off. You pay more in taxes and with gas prices it also means higher gas expenses.

Were here to encourage you along the way. My motto has always been "do things in baby steps".

**pip** · 04-09-2005, 11:49 AM

Wow. You are already doing so much. Working nights and trying to get quality sleep is hard enough to do even if you don't have a family to care for and accomodate! Add to that a new buisiness, death of FIL, and homeschooling, I am amazed you sound as sane as you do and are still willing to look at leading a frugal lifestyle!
Sleep would most likely help you cope better. I'm not sure how you can ensure that, but I think that should be a priority. At least the end of the school year is near.....And, I agree that baby steps are the way to go. Start with one change and gradually add to it. I've found that just reading the posts here are inspirational and help me stick to frugal living. People here are also very supportive. You will figure out some ways to make this work. In the meantime, here's a big

**Jenlee** · 04-09-2005, 12:54 PM

If you have to go work and we all agree that you do, you could focus on your food budget. Get your sales papers, menu planning sheet and take 30 minutes out of your schedule and plan it out. If you plan ahead, you can save so much money. I know you know this, but we all get in a "non-frugal" cycle and have to be reminded of the most basic ideas.

As for staying sane, I would agree that your boys may benefit from public school, but at this late date, it may be tougher on them than any other time. How about finding a friend who has children who would be willing to watch your boys for a few hours a day one day a week and you could take hers another day of the week? You could do this after regular school hours and it would give you time to plan, clean, or most importantly, SLEEP.

I don't know how old your boys are, but I'm sure there are things they could do around the house to help lighten your load. Even if it's taking a bag to the garbage can or setting the table to choosing a meal for one night, it will help and it lets them know how important they are as well.

**Mom23boys** · 04-09-2005, 01:11 PM

I am amazed you are still sane. I would have lost it a long time ago. You have a full plate on your hands. I would try to get some much needed rest first. I think your body needs it.

Ask the family to pitch in. If you are homeschooling, they can still learn math through measuring the food for dinner. I am sure there are other ways for them to learn through hands on activities.

I would try to get some rest when I first get home from 3rd shift, so you would be fresh to start with homeschooling and housework in the afternoon.

There are some great forums here for you to check out. I would also think about OAMC (once a month cooking) or cook a few extra meals a week. This would save you some time in the kitchen.

Good luck! I know you can do it. Just take it one step at a time.

**Dotchi** · 04-09-2005, 01:22 PM

Wow! So much support! Thank you ladies. I'll try to respond to all in one post as my time is precious lately.

First, thank you for the suggestions. My kids do help out but then I started thinking, "yea, they could help out a little more." I am going to start a chore chart. They have some at Kmart that I looked at and I think I can duplicate that just fine.

I work with them on a point system. Each payday they get 100 points. Each point is worth .10. If they back talk, -1. Don't do what they are told, -1. Have to be reminded to keep working, -1 for each time I remind them. etc. Today is payday and Miles has 77 points (he gets $7.70 and Mendel 2.0 has 80 pts. So he gets $8.00. I told them that I do not buy toys for them, I do not buy soda or candy for them unless it's a planned thing. If they want something, they have their money. I am not a bank. So far it's working great. But yes, I think it is time I upped their chores a touch.

As for public school... Not just no but *bleeeeep* no! I wouldn't send them to public school if you put a gun to my head. That would actually make our lives much more stressful. I can't live on a schedule like that. They would miss MANY days of public school if I sent them. But I will not. I had planned on homeschooling since Miles was 6 days old. Then we moved into the country and I had a momentary lapse in judgement b/c I thought he would need "socialization". I was horribly mistaken. He needs interaction, yes... but socialization? Heck no. The school here is pathetic at best. He knew less coming out of kindergarten than he did going in. He was on a first grade level on everything going in and on a pre-K level coming out. I would have sent him to therapy if I could have afforded it. They would not protect my son from bullies and then called me very upset when I told him to defend himself. We are NEVER going to repeat that again. When it comes to my children, I listen to my instincts very well now. I will not do that to them again and I am so sorry I put Miles through that. We have been homeschooling, technically, for 4 years now. Five if you count the many hours of homework in kindergarten!!! The teacher just sent all his work home with him. Poor baby! He was so stressed. I sent a wonderfully happy little boy into school and got back a miserable, depressed, and self-loathing child that took 2 years to come out of his shell and we're still dealing with the eating problems from it. While the suggestion was nice and well-meant, I could never do that to my children again.

I am going to work on making my own coffee for work (since buying a cup adds up) and taking lunches. Making a meal plan for the next two weeks, and cutting down on unneccesary trips to town (20 miles from here) by combining trips and making an errand day.

Those will be my goals for now. I'll let you know how they are coming along.

**homesteadmamma** · 04-09-2005, 01:35 PM

I think you have a couple good plans in place. I'm a homeschooling mom too so I know where your comping from on schooling.

We've learnt we need to combine trips too. The closest city to us is 1 hour one way. With gas at 92.5¢ a litre, its very costly.
I found if you make a list as to what you need to do and try to do that on one trip, it really works. You might even want to try doing some of what you need to do after your finished a work shift rather than coming straight home. Just a thought, but it would save you a trip.

You'll really notice taking your own lunch and coffee to work will make a huge difference.

All the best as you work at getting back on the frugal bandwagon. Always remember, we all fall off at times. It was we do once we fall off that makes the difference. That being whether we stay off or get back on and keep going.

**Mom23boys** · 04-09-2005, 02:01 PM

I am going to work on making my own coffee for work (since buying a cup adds up) and taking lunches. Making a meal plan for the next two weeks, and cutting down on unneccesary trips to town (20 miles from here) by combining trips and making an errand day.

I think you have a good start with your plan. Just combining trips will make a difference, especially with gas prices rising! I would keep a running list of things you need and things to do so you don't forget anything or have to make an unneccessary trip back to town.

**AmyBoz** · 04-09-2005, 02:54 PM

http://www.dltk-cards.com/chart/

Here's a link to where I print dd's chore charts from.

**Dotchi** · 04-09-2005, 04:24 PM

hey, that is a good idea. Since I go through Chattanooga in the morning, I could do a lot of my Chattanooga lists on the way home (as long as it doesn't interfere with dh's work) and then do Athens trips on another morning. Dh could drop the boys off with me if he needs to get going... oh, why didn't I think of this??? LOL And my Knoxville trips could be planned for the Sunday afternoons that I don't work. I like this plan!!! Kingston trips could be planned on the other Sundays. My life is just getting easier.

If we could get dh an outside office building, then we could turn off the A/C earlier in the year and turn it on later in the spring/summer and not have to cool the entire house... just one smaller building. Of course, that will be further in the future.

**Jenlee** · 04-09-2005, 06:25 PM

Dotchi, if you are going through those cities (I used to live in Sevierville and both of our sons were born in Knoxville), find an inexpensive cooler and take advantage of loss leader meats from chains that aren't in your town. As for ice, pour water in a plastic bowl (I use a rectangular one and fill it at least 1 1/2" deep and it freezes fine overnight) to make your own.

I'm trying to understand something. Do your sons automatically get the 100 points (which equals $10) every week? Do you think that works better than if they had to "earn" them first? I'm trying to work out something for my own children and I like your idea. However, $60 a month (3 children and two paychecks a month) doesn't sound too good to me. I guess I'm being pretty naive to think mine would all keep the 100 points, aren't I?

**homesteadmamma** · 04-09-2005, 07:48 PM

Jenlee, I'm a firm believer in we don't pay our kids for chores. Its part of being a family and it makes them feel a part of the family. My kids get a set allowance every 2 weeks. They save some, tithe some and use the rest as they wish. Both are savers which is really neat.

When finances are tight, they get less. I explain to them why they are getting less. They are learning life lessons here because as they get older, it might just end up that way. More at times and less at times.

It works perfect for our family. Just another way to look at allowances and giving your kids money.