DH not so commited to saving money...

**sarcophagus** · 05-06-2005, 12:56 PM

Hi Everyone, I'm new here and have a question..

My husband and I were married a year ago. We're both pretty young (21 & 22). I'm still in school and will be starting the second year of my program soon (3 years plus if I decide to go further it will be more). DH went to university but dropped out after 2 years but still has the student loan to pay for so we have 2. Each is about $10,000 plus our credit cards. I've been trying to save money, but since DH has a well paying full time job, he feels we don't need to be frugal. I see it the other way around. I almost had him convinced last night to try my methods, but he still thinks he can pay his debts off even though he doesn't save money.

Has anyone had to deal with a similar experience and if so, how did you overcome this?

I want DH and I to be on the same page when it comes to finances as I know that we will soon want to buy a house and have a family. I'd like to have my debts paid off by then.

Thanks in advance
Sarc

**homesteadmamma** · 05-06-2005, 02:03 PM

The first thing I would do is sit down and talk about your finances. Explain to him how important it is to you and actually to him too, to have a savings account. Don't push frugality on him because it won't work. He needs to make that choice on his own. He will come around eventually (at least in most cases they do).

If he still won't come on board thats okay. You can still be frugal and save on your own. Open up your own bank account and put your savings in there. Have a goal your saving for and that account can be for that only.

My dh was skeptical at first too. Now he is more frugal than I am and always looking for ways to save.

Good luck!!

btw - welcome to the village. Nice to see someone so young want to save and be frugal.

**pip** · 05-06-2005, 02:22 PM

I was going to say pretty much the same thing....do what you can to save money. Don't try to push it on him, but after a while, it might rub off on him. I know if I try to push my husband, it backfires and he spends alll the more! But, I know that I can really save a bundle in my grocery shopping, so that's where I focus my energies. Good luck.

**jlxian** · 05-06-2005, 02:56 PM

Once kids come along, saving money gets very hard. You have a window of time now where it is just you two and its a great opportunity to pay down the debt and save some too. Hopefully, you can do the lions share of this on your own, and maybe once you've got a good dent in the debt and some money in the bank, he will be convinced.

The other ladies are right, don't push it with him though or he'll feel deprived and resentful.

Good luck to you!

**AmyMCGS** · 05-06-2005, 05:11 PM

My DH was very good with handling our money, but, he didn't realize the value of coupons, stockpiling, and such. I just kept doing it, and he finally started to see how much I was saving us. Now, he actually reads some of the ads and points out sales to me if he notices something we use regularly. He also asks if I have coupons for things before he buys them at the store... most of the time, at least.

I guess my point is that even if you don't think your husband is paying attention to your frugal ways, he might be... and eventually he might start following some of those frugal ways himself.

**PrairieRose** · 05-06-2005, 07:26 PM

My dh wasn't on board at first either. I started on my own, doing the things that I knew saved us money and he would grumble. But after a while, he just ignored it. THEN a few years ago I added up all of our debt

I started a snowball plan (and I did tell dh about it, well after a little while when I could see how fast it was going). He wasn't thrilled at first. I kept on and then I'd say we just have $xxx. to go on this debt now and then in a few months I'd say I paid that sucker off! He got excited. Now we talk constantly about our finances and places to cut and scrimp and save. He's very much on board and loves the freedom we have b/c of it. Hang in there, keep up your part of the work and he'll come around, especially if you can show him details on how much you're saving and what a difference it will make in the long run.

**Telephus44** · 05-08-2005, 05:46 PM

I had a pretty hard time getting DH to come around to my way of thinking until we started getting serious about buying a house. We're in a similar situation, though a little older (I'm 27, DH is 30, we've been married for about a year and a half). My debt is all student loans (about 10K) and DH's debt is all credit cards (about 10K - he had it down to 4K but we moved across the country and he had to have some emergency dental work). Right now DH is unemployed and he has REALLY seen the value of not being in debt - we finally paid off his car in Jan and he knows how great it is not to write out a payment for it, but it still kills him when he gets his Discover and Chase bills every month.

All I can suggest to him is to actually start talking about a time frame - that's what I started to do. "Ok, its now Oct of 04, if we want to buy a home in a year and a half thats Feb of 06, we need to save X for a downpayment and it will boost our credit scores not to have so much debt. I'm going to have my car paid off in 8 months, when is your's going to be paid off?" By mentioning actual dates that really got him thinking, not so much about being frugal and saving money, but at least about paying ahead on his debt (and he did knock out 11K on credit cards (his high was 15K) and paid his car off 8 months early).

We're still in limbo about house and kids - its largely depending on him getting another full-time job, but I have told him that I really want to be working on the kids part by the end of this year. Our revised date for a house will depend on his employment status.