Do You Think Amy's Children ?

**Hollyhandi** · 06-17-2005, 08:18 AM

Feel deprived because of the way their parents brought them
up when they get out in the world on their own?

I mean some day they are going to be living with partners who may not want to Dumpster Dive or wash baggies.
Do you think this could affect them in a negative way?

Today's world is alot different than when she wanted this pre 1900 house with attached barn... Just curious...

**Mom23boys** · 06-17-2005, 09:38 AM

I really don't think they did. They had just about everything anyone else did. They just didn't pay full price like everyone else. JMO.

**homesteadmamma** · 06-17-2005, 10:01 AM

No never. Amy's kids had one thing every parent should give their kids and thats love and encouragement. That was very evident throughout all her books. She also always said once the kids were older that things would probably change.

Why because they were frugal, would they feel deprived. We give our kids far too many things in today's society and they don't appreciate what they get. Give a child a box, some pots and pans and they are quite happy. Why do kids need everything that comes on the market today?

Why would washing out baggies or dumpster diving affect kids unless we made an issue of being so poor we had too. I never read that in Amy's books. They had goals they worked for and accomplished them by being frugal.

Why is today's world any different than when Amy wrote her books several years ago. I don't see that at all.

**Hollyhandi** · 06-17-2005, 10:48 AM

The economy is different than the 60's to me.
Minimum wage ( yes I'm sure her kids all went to college )
Heating, insurance, cost of living.
Health insurance is skyrocketing.
I guess my point is that the world will be completely different
for them if they find partners that don't share this frugal zealot
mentality that Amy has.
I try to teach my DS to be frugal, but I know he feels let down because he doesn't have stuff the other kids have.
He has all the love I can give him and he had the box and pots and pans.
He has some now that he's older ( no ATVS, no snowmobiles etc )
I just think she took it to far where the kids were concerned.JMHO

**jlxian** · 06-17-2005, 10:58 AM

I have mixed ideas about this. One of few issues I really differed on with her was the "need" for braces on kids teeth. She thought/thinks it is for cosmetics only and in my view not only do you get nice looking teeth, but your whole mouth (and BODY!) is healthier in the end. If her kids had crooked teeth do you suppose they got braces? I'm guessing not -- or they will do it for themselves when they are adults and gone from home.

Now whether they might end up with partners who are not frugal, I'm guessing that because of the way they were raised that their deepest sense of self won't have anything in common with someone who was raised spending money at every turn.

Certainly they have been given tons and tons of love and support from their parents... and that is most definitely the main important issue. It would be extremely interesting to hear about the kids' outlook sometime in the future.

**Michelle** · 06-17-2005, 11:18 AM

I don't know about all the things she did/didn't do, but one of the things that I always remember about that book is that she said she'd only read them 1 book per day. That bothered me...it was like she was too busy being frugal to spend time with them.

**Hollyhandi** · 06-17-2005, 11:46 AM

That bothered me also Michelle.
I always looked forward to reading to Kenny . We read at bedtime and during the day if he wanted. Dishes could wait, laundry could wait to be folded, grass could wait to be mowed.
My family came first even if I had to stay up half the night to catch up.
Why have the kids if your not going to enjoy them to the fullest?
The other stuff was unimportant compared to him.
You can type in the middle of the night when they were sleeping. You can iron clothes or wash dishes when they were asleep.
JMHO

**Mamaw** · 06-18-2005, 12:20 AM

I think the children would be affected to an extent but it may not be a negative impact. I do think they will have a difficult time if their life partner is not as frugal as they are. But they might just be ready to splurge. Who knows. I think each of us has to make decisions as to what works in our lives and our families when it comes to frugality and simply living. My children never had all the bells and whistles since I could not afford them but they always had love and attention. And a big extended family to have fun with. Maybe Amy's children will write a book someday.....hummm...wonder if Amy would buy it??? LOL

**grace1902** · 06-18-2005, 06:29 AM

I think you'd have to get the kid's point of view on this one. I think a lot has to do with whatever peer pressure the kids encountered along the way that would have made them feel deprived or not. (I know my DS feels deprived because he doesn't have his own cell phone - everyone else does in our neighborhood!)
I know that I've practiced thrift ever since I was married, but my kids are turning out different.
I just try to look at the upside that if my kids ever do need to revert to a thrifty lifestyle in the future, they've been taught how to do it!

**Telephus44** · 06-18-2005, 09:38 AM

Originally posted by grace1902
I think you'd have to get the kid's point of view on this one. I think a lot has to do with whatever peer pressure the kids encountered along the way that would have made them feel deprived or not. (I know my DS feels deprived because he doesn't have his own cell phone - everyone else does in our neighborhood!)

Yeah! I mean, Amy lived in a small town in Maine - so probably most of the kids that her children went to school with didn't have the latest toys or the most expensive branded clothes, and I think that this goes a long way in determining how "deprived" you feel. I went to a different high school from my elementary system, and I could feel it - in middle school it was ok to wear jeans from Walmart because everyone else did, but in my high school parents would give their kids cars for their 16th birthday! I know that I felt my family was a lot "poorer" when I was in high school compared to elementary school. Since Amy picked a large house in rural Maine, I'm guessing that the peer pressure was considerably less.

The other factor that I always wondered was seeing exactly how frugal their mom was. I can remember reading an article somewhere on how either you can control your money, or your money can control you. This is also true even when you're not in debt - if you spend every minute of your life trying to save money, then money still has control over your life. If I saw my mom buying soy flour because it was cheaper than eggs - then I would definetly see her as being controlled by her money, which is not the best example I'd want to set. Not that I don't want my future kids to be frugal, but I don't want them to think about the cost savings every 5 seconds (can I have a glass of juice, or should it be water? Should I open the refidgerator door now, or wait until 5pm when the electric rates go down? Can I go put gas in my car today, or do I have to wait until $.05 off Sunday? Can I flush the toilet or will that jack up water bill Etc.). I want to teach my kids to follow their dreams - and frugality is a tool I use to reach my dreams - but that they don't need to be constantly ruled by money.

**i.m.cheap** · 06-18-2005, 10:15 AM

I do remember Amy WAS in favor of braces for kids if needed. Even her own daughter. She (Amy) knew the pain of growing up and living with a less than perfect smile.

Some things I do feel she was a little extreme about, like making a child finish every last pea (or whatever) on their plate. I would never do that. The one book rule at bedtime, too. Sometimes I have been known to spend an hour or two reading to my daughter. She is nine years old now, and a very advanced reader herself, and I still read to her every night. We both love sharing the stories.

**dhmunoz** · 06-18-2005, 10:16 AM

As a mother of 5....and with very vivid memories of my OWN childhood/early adulthood....I am betting that her kids did feel "different" somehow. How they interpreted it or how it affected them as adults, I don't know--but JMHO there is NO WAY that they didn't notice what was going on and that it was different than the way their friends lived. Some of Amy's ideas I loved, others I didn't care for BUT I do know that if we tried to live the exact same way, my middle-school age sons would be embarrassed. Kids that age, and high-school age, are sensitive to being "very different" than everyone else.

I do try to be as frugal as I possibly can, as we don't have tons of $$$ but I would not send my older kids to school in clothes that I had boxed up for them 10 years ago, and some of Amy's lunchbox ideas would totally be tossed in the trash by most older kids...where is the savings in that?

My opinion only, of course.

**i.m.cheap** · 06-18-2005, 06:24 PM

It would be cool to read an interview with the kids now. I think it would be easier to be "hard-core" frugal if they had homeschooled. Much less peer pressure.

I remember when she wrote about making one of her sons do extra chores to earn the 25¢ just because he wanted a small bag of Fritos in his lunch box ONE TIME. That struck me as kind of odd. Like she was trying to make the whole thing so distasteful that he would never want Fritos again. In fact she added that he didn't think Fritos were "worth it". Strange.

**AmyBoz** · 06-19-2005, 07:42 AM

Originally posted by Telephus44

The other factor that I always wondered was seeing exactly how frugal their mom was. I can remember reading an article somewhere on how either you can control your money, or your money can control you. This is also true even when you're not in debt - if you spend every minute of your life trying to save money, then money still has control over your life. If I saw my mom buying soy flour because it was cheaper than eggs - then I would definetly see her as being controlled by her money, which is not the best example I'd want to set. Not that I don't want my future kids to be frugal, but I don't want them to think about the cost savings every 5 seconds (can I have a glass of juice, or should it be water? Should I open the refidgerator door now, or wait until 5pm when the electric rates go down? Can I go put gas in my car today, or do I have to wait until $.05 off Sunday? Can I flush the toilet or will that jack up water bill Etc.). I want to teach my kids to follow their dreams - and frugality is a tool I use to reach my dreams - but that they don't need to be constantly ruled by money.

I find this to be very interesting, because I see it the total opposite way. I find this to be controlling your money. If I choose to buy 4 bags of Malt-o-Meal Marshmallow Mateys at .84 a bag instead of one box of Lucky Charms at $3.89, I think that I am controlling my money, not the other way around. It is me ensuring that I have the money to spend on other things for my family. My kids are dressed, almost completely (with the exception of a few Christmas gifts from grandpa), in hand-me-down clothing from relatives and friends. Again, rather than spend hundreds of dollars on clothing for the kids, I'm making the choice to spend that money elsewhere that may bring us more joy than clothes, like a week at the beach. If I spent that money on clothes or name brand food, then we wouldn't be able to afford a vacation and the money would be controlling where and what we were able to do. My choice, my power, my control.

Teaching my kids not to be wasteful with money, I believe, is an important tool for them as they get older. If they learn to ignore the peer pressure of having all the material things in the world, then perhaps that will transfer over and help them to ignore the peer pressure of drugs, alcohol and sex as well. Maybe not, but it's definitely a step in the right direction.

And, when I look back at the kids I went to school with and when I look at the kids I teach in 8th grade now, it's really not the kids who have everything that are the happiest. It's the kids who have a strong sense of themselves that isn't tied into what the other kids think of them that are the happiest. That's what I want for my kids.

**jlxian** · 06-20-2005, 09:50 AM

Originally posted by i.m.cheap
I do remember Amy WAS in favor of braces for kids if needed. Even her own daughter. She (Amy) knew the pain of growing up and living with a less than perfect smile.

This is interesting -- because I definitely remember being outraged by her remarks that braces were for cosmetics only. Her viewpoint that they would have been nice for herself and her daughter must have been in one of her books or an interview that I do not have. I am certain read her negative comments in an issue of the newsletter.