Teenagers

[sanderson76]

Ok, I need some suggestions. We really starting getting tight with our budget in October. We have always said we were going to and just never took the plunge to do so. Anyway, our oldest daughter is 13 and freaks when I mention that something she wants isn't really needed, small things such as wanting to stop by and get an ice cream. So the other day, she opened the pantry and said certain things that I buy food wise isn't needed like generic sugar free crystal light type things. Our youngest daughter takes them for lunch..when I make it up I pour it into a bottle for her and its cheaper than buying boxed drinks, etc.

Anyway, I told her that fine. Her eating in the lunch room was an extra expense when she could take her lunch. I spend roughly $35 a month for her to eat in the lunch room.

She thinks I am joking, because I told her when this months money runs out, it will be time to take her lunch.

My question is...is it possible to get a 13 year old to take their lunch and them not think its embarrassing?

[Darlene]

She sounds like most teenagers. Probably won't be happy but she'll have to either deal or go hungry.
As for those extras she thinks she needs, she'd old enough to earn some money babysitting, cleaning or other odd jobs for people in the neighborhood.
If she's anything like my dd was at that age~ no matter what you do she'd probably find something to complain about so you just try to do your best. She'll understand when she's out on her own in a few years or when she sees how much work she has to do herself to pay for what she wants.

Big hug, I know this teen stuff is really a pain sometimes.

[sanderson76]

thanks for the encouragement. She told me she would just go without eating and I told her that was fine by me..it would save me even more money

Well that is what makes me so mad with her. My parents own a huge piece of land and they are older now and it is really hard for them to keep it all mowed, but they do. They offered to pay her to mow it every 2 weeks this summer and she refused. (They wanted to pay her just so that she would have some spending money)

Also a friend of ours owns a resturant, eventhough DD is only 13 she said that she would hire her to clean tables and take orders a few hours a week during this summer..She refused to do that to..

For some reason she thinks that she doesn't have to work. I told her this morning she needs to find ways to earn money. Her Jr. Beta is going on a trip to Washington DC in April and each child has to have $350 to go on. She just laughed it off...I mean I don't expect her to pay for her entire trip, but it would be nice to see her at least making an effort. She won't even partake in the fund raisers that will enable money to go towards her personal expense for the trip.

[nodmicks]

I told my 12 year old Ds he can take school lunch 2x a week period. I gave him a small $ bonus for helping save in this area.
Recently the kids have reported alot more kids bringing lunch from home! I think thats telling us something about the economy!
Best of luck!

[Kimberlina]

Oh my goodness- you need to call Dave Ramsey!

Honestly, I would probably tell her if she doesn't make some attempt to earn mony, she doesn't ge to go to Washingon. Period. End of story.

She's still young, but everyone needs to learn that they need to earn their extras.

[sanderson76]

I know she is still young but I look at our oldest daughter who is 10 and this child loves going to the grocery store with me and adding up things as we go...she makes a bee line straight for the meat area when we get there to see if there are any meat markdowns. Who is making the christmas gifts she wants to give to family and friends and does what she can to earn her own money. Maybe we have just started too late for me to expect our oldest one to just jump on the frugal wagon.

[jlxian]

Aaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhh (as Charlie Brown says!)!!!!! I so sympathize. I have 12 year old twins (will be 13 in January) and they are difficult in this area.

I have begun telling them that I will spend $x.xx for something and if they want a more expensive version, they pay for the balance. Or if we are shopping and ds or dd sees something they want, I ask them if they have any money with them to pay for it themselves. This has been working fairly well. They get $5 each week for allowance.

Its hard, I know, because of course we don't want to deny our kids things they think they "need".

As for school lunches versus taking a lunch. My kids have done both. The advantage they see in taking their lunch is that they don't spend time in line and have more time to eat and visit with their friends. But its not as "cool" as buying the school lunch.

Getting them to do chores is like pulling teeth. I've thought about linking the allowance to the chores, deducting a set amount when things don't get done or if I have to NAG them to do those things, but I haven't done it yet. I read somewhere that you aren't supposed to link the allowance to chores. I'm beginning to think that was bad advice.

Oh my, as for the school fund raisers for the group trip --- I would tell my own kids that either they help or they don't go. Period.

Yes, HUGS to you! Teens are nearly IMPOSSIBLE.

[freedeal]

I also have a teenage son. His school serves school lunch for $1.25 includes milk. But also each day they have the option of Chick-Fil-A, Dominos Pizza, or Subway at a much higher price. So what I did was decide how much I was willing to spend. School lunch $25/month vs Fast Food $80/ month. I decided that I would give him $40 the first of the month. I also provide granola bars or crackers that he can take if he wants. This way he gets to decide what he has for lunch on a certain day.

I also found out (just the other day) that his class is closest to the commons area and so he can be one of the first kids in line. He said that at least a couple of days a week some of the kids offer to buy his pizza if he will get it for them. If not they would have to wait in line most of the lunch period. I'm not sure how I feel about that so I didn't comment.

[frugalchick]

First off...many ((((((((())))))))))) I know the job of raising teens......I have a ds who will be 21 in 2 months, and a dd who is 18.
Ds lives on his own for the time being, and dd is still at home. She carried her lunch ALL THE WAY thru high school...and started college this fall. She takes her lunch each day....and she has never minded. She was my 'easy' one....ds was the more $$$...he always ate at school. We have always given them a certain amount of chores to do living here,and they got done, no questions asked......that is the least they could do, to help out at home. JMO.

That said, they are both good kids......and dd is not working at a job at the moment. She is a 4.0 GPA student.....and we are supporting her, as long as she keeps up the hard work. We also have her tuition and fees set aside......and that is covered. She just is not the one who wants anything.....just her nature. I am blessed! We splurge on them at Christmas and birthdays. The rest of the year is basics. FRUGAL: Dd is our frugal one, ds is the one who thinks that 'whatever'.

Teens are impossible to raise......just hang in there. It is never easy.....teens now, the peer pressure is UNREAL. Really sad for our society, I think. They think they must have the BEST of everything......

[sanderson76]

Originally posted by jlxian
Aaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhh (as Charlie Brown says!)!!!!! I so sympathize. I have 12 year old twins (will be 13 in January) and they are difficult in this area.

I have begun telling them that I will spend $x.xx for something and if they want a more expensive version, they pay for the balance. Or if we are shopping and ds or dd sees something they want, I ask them if they have any money with them to pay for it themselves. This has been working fairly well. They get $5 each week for allowance.

Its hard, I know, because of course we don't want to deny our kids things they think they "need".

As for school lunches versus taking a lunch. My kids have done both. The advantage they see in taking their lunch is that they don't spend time in line and have more time to eat and visit with their friends. But its not as "cool" as buying the school lunch.

Getting them to do chores is like pulling teeth. I've thought about linking the allowance to the chores, deducting a set amount when things don't get done or if I have to NAG them to do those things, but I haven't done it yet. I read somewhere that you aren't supposed to link the allowance to chores. I'm beginning to think that was bad advice.

Oh my, as for the school fund raisers for the group trip --- I would tell my own kids that either they help or they don't go. Period.

Yes, HUGS to you! Teens are nearly IMPOSSIBLE.

Wow, yours do sound like mine. Well, we did the allowance for awhile and they just stopped doing their chores. DH then said that for every chore that wasn't done, the money would be deducted. She doesn't care...she still won't do it. She will be 14 in Feb and seems to get more stubborn the older she gets.

[sanderson76]

Originally posted by frugalchick
First off...many ((((((((())))))))))) I know the job of raising teens......I have a ds who will be 21 in 2 months, and a dd who is 18.
Ds lives on his own for the time being, and dd is still at home. She carried her lunch ALL THE WAY thru high school...and started college this fall. She takes her lunch each day....and she has never minded. She was my 'easy' one....ds was the more $$$...he always ate at school. We have always given them a certain amount of chores to do living here,and they got done, no questions asked......that is the least they could do, to help out at home. JMO.

That said, they are both good kids......and dd is not working at a job at the moment. She is a 4.0 GPA student.....and we are supporting her, as long as she keeps up the hard work. We also have her tuition and fees set aside......and that is covered. She just is not the one who wants anything.....just her nature. I am blessed! We splurge on them at Christmas and birthdays. The rest of the year is basics. FRUGAL: Dd is our frugal one, ds is the one who thinks that 'whatever'.

Teens are impossible to raise......just hang in there. It is never easy.....teens now, the peer pressure is UNREAL. Really sad for our society, I think. They think they must have the BEST of everything......

I see a pattern in your children and mine. My oldest is the one that is into the $$$$, she isn't frugal at all and is always asking for things, no matter how expensive.

Our youngest daughter takes her lunch, no complaints ever and will do whatever she can to help anyone save a dime..she never asks for anything either.

[cau]

She is at that wonderful testing age. Don't threaten if it is something you won't follow through on. Like the trip be sure you will stick to her not going if she does not help with the money. As far as helping her grandparents to heck with paying her they are her grand parents & they need help. She should be expected to help out. Good luck my middle dd was one stubborn girl. I learned to relly think before I gave her an ultimatium or else I was always sorry. cau

[forestdale]

I totally agree with cau. Never threaten anything you won't carry out. Teenagers can see weakness. They have a radar that picks up weakness signals. You show any weakness, you're done for.

What your daughter is trying to do is to see how far she can push. She's testing the boundaries you've set for her. She wants everyone to live by her rules, you have to show her that in your house, your rules are the only ones. BTW, this is perfectly normal teenage behaviour.

If you want her to take her lunch, that's what happens. If she doesn't eat it, that her problem. And if she brings it home again, make sure she eats it before she eats anything else for a snack.

I agree with what many of the ladies have said. If she wants extras, she has to work for them. And don't worry about being too harsh with her. You're actually doing her a service by showing her that life isn't a free ride and that we get what we need, and want, by working for it. By learning the simple lesson of work = money = what we want, you put her ahead of the kids that don't learn that until later, or maybe never learn it.

But don't expect it to be easy. Good luck.

[sanderson76]

Thank you..I am sure it won't be easy. She has always been my hard one but I am not backing down. Ofcourse she tried to play sad with DH but this one is my rule and we never override each others punishment, ever

I also think that it is something that needs to be learned at an early age. I want them to learn to be smart about things and maybe not end up trying to get out of debt like we are.

[Darlene]

FV Cheerleaders cheering you on Samantha! Many of us have dealt with this alien teenage angst and have all come out the other side. You are not alone!