Encouragement for those with SO's that 'don't get it'

[Valerie in WA]

It's slow and steady.

I have become more and more diligent and organized about our finances - since about the time I registered on these boards. My dh has always talked about the need to 'build up some savings,' but never has done anything about it. He's a sweet guy and I don't mean to complain, but he bought me $800 diamond earrings for our 10th anniversary this summer! (Okay, they are pretty, but they don't really make me more satisifed with my life).

Over the last few months, dh has made little comments that show he is coming around to a frugal (or at least: not spendthrift) way of thinking.

Anyhow, we keep our 'checkbook' in Microsoft Money. There's an area where you can set up recurring or one-time bills, so you'll know when to expect them. I have set up in there on the first of each month (begining January 1st):

1. Cash $560 (groceries, my gasoline, and a few other things)
2. Emergency fund $100
3. Freedom account $375 (mostly for medical expenses, but also home & vehicle maintenance and those odd things that only come up once a year.)

He looked at that the other day and asked "What is a Freedome Account?" I think it just looked like a LOT of money that I was 'taking.' I only explained briefly (bacause I was sick and also my MIL was right there). But he nodded and had that look in his eye that says it's getting through.

He is not particularly organized, and, in fact, teases me for being so. But again, I think he is seeing the value of having a plan.

It's a slow process to 'covert' spouses, but don't give up. I measure progress every month or TWO. Like when our heat pump had to be replaced for $2000 and I had almost $1700 in the EF (hmmm...need to update siggy; EF is now 59c !) Those sorts of things impress spendthrifts-ready-to-be-converted.

So don't give up!!

[frugalfarmwife]

I get the occasional glimmer of hope with my SO, it can be so hard sometimes though, he was raised with the "it'll all work out" mentality. I on the other hand may not of had much but also didn't owe!

When I met hubby he'd been laid off work, was behind on truck payment and CC and lived at home but you know what? If you ask his mom it "wasn't his fault!"!!!!!!! Honest, that was their thought on the whole thing!

Hubby IS much better about not spending now and not wanting things, but his mother STILL is that way, and she thinks I'm horrible for wanting him to be responsible. Funny, she even took him aside at Christmas and gave him a check for $300.00, hmm, guess MY training is working, as soon as we got into the truck to head home he handed it to me and said "here ya go, that'll help out!"

Ahhh yes, slow but sure, we get them there.

Kris

[tbs727]

I appreciate you guys sharing these stories. My DH is also moving away from being Spendthrift. Baby steps!

He still doesn't understand that all the little dollars he spends here and there add up. He doesn't really understand that we need to prepare for the immediate future. However, he has agreed to go to a financial counselor to learn the envelope method. I hope that helps!

[frugalfarmwife]

We don't do the envelope system, we rarely have cash on hand. Hubbies check is direct deposited into checking and I pay all bills online the day they come in. I automatically pay house payment bi-weekly when he gets paid.

I also sell on ebay and all paypal payments are immediately transferred over to the bank, payments by check and money order also right to the bank.

Hubby has a CC for gas that I pay off monthly, this keeps him from picking up a snack/coffee whenever he stops for gas.

I do hand hubby a $5 here and there just to have cash in hand so he's not embarassed in front of the guys at work

I also have online ING savings accounts and fund them weekly, one for emergency, one for property taxes/house/truck insurance, one for the difference in the minimum on my other CC and a percentage to pay it off. (I'm carrying a balance at 0% on the CC for 14 months so figure put the money away and earn good interest on it) and one for a truck fund (emergency repairs and HOPEFULLY a newer truck for hubby some day!)

I withdraw cash one time a month for shopping at Aldis and his bit of pocket money, other than that we're basically cash free here.

I'm lucky as both of our trucks were paid in full when purchased (10 years ago!) I only go to town 1-2 times a week and it's only a mile away. I drive a crew cab dually (BIG BIG truck) but only have 55,000 on it, and do NOT plan on trading/selling or replacing for many years to come.

This is what works the best for us, we're more the type that if we have the cash we spend it.

Kris

[sillybutt]

My DH is becoming more and more supportive. We had a long talk a month or so ago about my motives for being more frugal. He thought I was being silly, wanting to squirrel money away for this or that, wanting to cut back on grocery expenses, etc. His point was, "But we earn enough that we can afford this stuff." My counterpoint was, "Our income is okay. Shouldn't we be smarter about how we use it?" I asked him if he thought it was better to spend an extra £100 per month on groceries (which we will enjoy once - if we don't waste it altogether due to poor planning) or if we should keep that £100 per month to go toward something bigger that we want - or even put it toward our mortgage so we can pay off more of our principle.

That seemed to click with him and he's been happier to go along with my ideas, as well as make suggestions of his own - last week he suggested we use the envelope method to track our grocery spending.

But he wants a new telly. And he found one he loves and he has his heart set on it, and he was asking me if I'd be upset if he spent £1000 on it. I had basically told him that I thought that was going to have to be his decision - I didn't support spending that much money on a new telly when we don't absolutely have to have it, but I know he's been wanting to get one like this for a long long time and there's a good chance he could find a better price on it in the January sales. A little while later, on a completely new topic of conversation, I was telling him about some of the callers on the Dave Ramsey radio show that day, and Dave's answers...and DH suddenly said, "That's that decision made then. We'll just put money aside each month for the new telly, and I won't buy it until I can pay cash for it. Then we're not picking up any new debt."

We both still have a long way to go - mostly with spending small amounts here and there, a couple of pounds for a coffee or a few pounds for a sandwich when we forget to take lunch to work with us. But we're getting there, and it feels a lot easier knowing he's on the path with me.

[PrairieRose]

Valerie....I have to say I'm thrilled for ya that your "work in progress" is making progress

It was exactly the same with Gripey and myself for years (literally). Finally after a long time of me doing "my thing" on my own, by myself he got it when we were facing a huge crisis. Since then he's been completely onboard, 100% even to the point that I'm going....umkay.....I would like to do such and such.....and now I can't b/c it's not the frugal thing to do.....
Enjoy your journey, remembering all the while that THESE are the good ol' days.

[forestdale]

It's good to see the husbands deciding to being more frugal. Valerie, I think it's a good idea to measure progress over a couple of months like you do. Often you don't see progress in the shorter term and get disheartened. Some men like to see the changes work for a while and all of a sudden it hits them. I think you're all doing a great job.

[Telephus44]

Congratulations on making progress! It took us about 3 or 4 years for DH to finally "come on board" and it sure it worth it now. Some highlights from our journey include:

When we first moved in together, DH wanted a T-1 connection (yes, he's a big computer geek) but knew that it was $500 per month. He asked me and I just said to him, "What are your car payments?" He said, $479 per month. So I told him that when he paid off his truck, he could get his T-1. He was so impressed he even told his mom that I was the coolest girlfriend because I'd "let" him get a T-1! (This was about 4 years ago - he paid his car off last April - and now he's so into saving, that he didn't get it)

Two months ago we went to Microcenter (like a Macy's for computer, best way I can describe it) and DH went in wanting to buy 2 books - he got the books, and then went over to look at something else (hard drives? I'm not as into this). He found what he was looking for, and I offered to carry it to the register for him, then said No, I'd better wait until I know exactly what I want. I don't need something this big, I can probably get something older and smaller than will work just as well on eBay (jaw drops). Outside in the parking lot, he tells me that I "Broke" him

[tbs727]

Originally posted by sillybutt

DH suddenly said, "That's that decision made then. We'll just put money aside each month for the new telly, and I won't buy it until I can pay cash for it. Then we're not picking up any new debt."

What an accomplishment!