You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

**Valerie in WA** · 01-27-2006, 09:55 PM

This week, I've reviewed our 2005 finances, partially for tax purposes, but also for general spending. As I went through things, I was pleased with some of the victories, but I found myself feeling resentful about dh's spendthrift ways. In fact, I actually started to post about it, but decided to hit the back button instead. I thought I should probably tell him what I'm feeling, not you guys.

I really think I manage money better than dh, but 2/3 of our income is his. Because he's self employed, his gross pay goes into his business bank account. He then writes a check to the 'house' every two weeks. That's the amount that I consider his 'pay' and base my household budget on. From his business account, he handles the truck loan & gasoline, direct business expenses, his clothing and also withdraws his personal spending money. From my household budget, I manage the mortgage, utilities, van loan, CC, groceries, insurance, clothing for the kids and I, my spending money, etc.

In '05, he was paying a medical premium from his business account, and also covering his out of pocket expenses from there. Well, for '06, we've changed it. His medical premium now comes out of my paycheck and his out of pocket from the household money.

So I got smart. Instead of fussing about my feelings & resentment, I pointed out the medical situation and explained that the premium deducted from my check is $261/month, and could he please pay the house an extra $150 per check (every two weeks). He was happy to accomodate, so I had the opportunity to say "Honey, you never complain when I ask for more money; thank you." Of course the last time I asked was when dd had $400 per month in out of pocket medical expenses.

But wasn't that a nice way to solve my issue and stroke his ego, too?

So now, I have another $300/month with which to work. I had already made out my '06 budget, so this is truly a 'bonus' for me.

**missmollymayhem** · 01-27-2006, 10:00 PM

I find that phrase rings true in most life situations

I'm glad to hear that you were sucessful in talking to hubby about this- it must be a big load off of your shoulders!

**Early Bird** · 01-27-2006, 10:07 PM

I used to resent how I'd work so hard to save $20 at the grocery store...and then he'd suggest we eat lunch out ... and blow $40.

Here are my jumbled thoughts:

* His income gives me the flexiblity to buy the things I want.
* Him spending money on taking the family out to lunch is an investment in family togetherness.
* His spending at the hardware store upgrades our house -- and saves us a bunch of money in the long run.
* I should be glad he's not out with the boys ... or at a bar!
* **I** would be resentful if someone was always telling me to not spend money.

**homesteadmamma** · 01-27-2006, 10:40 PM

Valerie I agree with your thread title. Glad to hear you got some extra dollars to work with.

**Pepper** · 01-28-2006, 12:20 AM

Good for you on getting the extra!!

guest7 · 01-28-2006, 07:56 AM

That's a nice story. I am so glad to see that you turned a negative into a positive. I do the same with DH. Stroking the ego goes a LONG way in my home. Men are simple. They don't ask for much. But they do want to feel appreciated for their efforts in keeping the family happy and safe. Sounds like you're right on it! Tell you husband frequently how much you appreciate the work he's doing.