Advice Please

**freedeal** · 04-25-2006, 07:32 PM

I need some advice.

The young couple that just had the baby have asked for real help.

They are young. Just brought their little baby home from the hospital last Weds. Well, the father went to work yesterday and his car was repossed. They are in desperate times. The young mother seems to be very uninterested in the problems but I really think she is totally overwhelmed. They asked me to come over and help them do a budget. I think they thought that if they asked me to come over I would give them the $1500 they need to get the car back. They only have the one car and he works about 30 minutes from his home.

Anyway, I am going back tomorrow and we are going to go through every single detail of what they spend. Please give me any advice you have. They own a condo and I believe they have a lot of credit card debt. They also owe several family members.

I asked if they could tell me the thing they spend the most money on and they both said food. The mother was able to get WIC. This is a major help.

I am open to all suggestions. I told them up front that I would not give them money. To many people have given them money already.

thanks in advance.

**AmyBoz** · 04-25-2006, 08:01 PM

Give a man a fish and he eats for a night. Teach a man to fish and he eats forever.

You are doing the right thing.

**joyb** · 04-25-2006, 09:28 PM

If they spend the most on food, she probably could use some help learning to cook from scratch. I feel for young couples just starting out. They may have to learn the hard way, bless them. You are very kind to try to help them.

**PrairieRose** · 04-25-2006, 09:39 PM

I'd make the suggestion for them to read Dave Ramsey's books, The Tightwad Gazette, Your Money or Your Life, etc... . They need your encouragement more than they need your money. They don't even know how much they need you right now. You're doing the right thing....no money, just advice.

**ewokgirl** · 04-25-2006, 11:21 PM

I agree with Joy about teaching them to cook. Not only to cook, but how to meal plan, freeze extras for the times they don't want to or feel like cooking, how to make things using inexpensive ingredients... Come armed with some of your favorite simple, but good recipes. Give them a cookbook if necessary. When I headed off to college, my mom gave me [I]The Good Housekeeping Illustrated Cookbook[I], which has been a great basic resource. I recommend [I]More with Less Cookbook[I] for inexpensive, but tasty from-scratch recipes. You may need to assess their kitchen to see if they even have the tools to cook for themselves. So many people have learned to live off of fast food, so that may be what you're up against.

I also agree about having them read other frugal-living books, such as the ones PrairieRose suggested. If nothing else, it may put them in the mindset to try to save money and live within their means.

If they're honest about wanting help with a budget, and not just saying that to try to get you to give them the money, then your job will already be a little easier because it means they're serious. Best of luck to you and to them!

**Lorri** · 04-25-2006, 11:51 PM

I think it is great that they would ask you for help...says a lot about you personally. Too few good people in the world. I agree with the rest. If they really want to change then it will be easier for you. Sometimes being tough is the only way to help someone, so good for you for sticking to your guns and not enabling them any further.

**chatterweb** · 04-26-2006, 12:20 AM

What about if the get some plants with fruit or veggies started? I know you said condo, but they may have a yard or patio, some strwberries in a hanging basket
and a dwarf fruit tree might help.

Maybe they can get some stuff from freecycle, or some local churches or charities.

**bunnytracks** · 04-26-2006, 08:52 AM

You are filled with frugal knowledge and they trust you so I would talk about how you overcame budget pitfalls and what has helped you, what books you have read, ect. Right now I agree with you that they are overwhelmed. More than likely want a fast way out. I'm glad you are not offering them money though cause they would be right back in this black hole again.
Do they qualify for food stamps or any other assistance?

**treeluva** · 04-26-2006, 09:23 AM

If he cant get to work, all the budgeting advice in the world isnt going to help when he is unemployed. I would not give them money, either, but perhaps bring to the table places they can go for food pantries, baby supplies, introduce them to freecycle, and if there is public transportation, I would bring the schedule along and the prices per day vs. buying a bus or rail pass. If it were me, I would bring an arsenal of educating material, down to weekly menus planned that cost very little. A plan of action, if you will.
I do want to say I think you are awesome for doing this with them. Hopefully your guidence will linger with them for the rest of their lives, and they will be able to pass this knowledge on to their child(ren)!

**pecunierrant** · 04-26-2006, 01:53 PM

Youre good to work with them. First off, they may need to forget the repo'ed car. Since they still have a car and he only works 30 min from home he should be able to take that car to work?
(DH use to work 1 1/2 hours away and we had one car, the kids & I walked a lot)

Frugal books, as suggested. Also, before you go over there have a set amount in mind that should be normal frugal spending so they can compare and see whether theyre spending is out of whack.

Have they looked into non profit credit counseling? Could be an option.

I hope theyre truly interested in budgeting advice and will learn from what you share with them. Good luck!

**miss_thrifty** · 04-26-2006, 01:58 PM

I agree with the rest> your doing the right thing,. giving them them knowledge to help themselves is better then handing out money.

**peanut** · 04-26-2006, 04:59 PM

I think if the mom is overwhelmed, what with a new baby and all, maybe you could help her do a pantry inventory, devise a menu plan that works for her family, and then help her do a OAMC session...only maybe just do a small one to give her the idea and help her through the first little while with the baby at home.

I agree getting her dh to work is crucial. Transportation or new work is needed. Can he carpool? Catch a bus/train? Ride a bike? Though 30 minutes away is a long bike ride. Don't think he could do that, come to think of it. He simply might have to get a job closer to home.

You will probably find a mess of CC debts. Talk to them about consolidating them and paying them off that way. Make sure you take the phone numbers and addresses of the credit bureau people they need to talk to.

Also, in our town when people take new babies home, they are presented with a gift basket of goodies, including some very valuable coupons. Perhaps without a car she can't get to the store. Maybe offer to take her the next time you go shopping. Not a special run for her, but when you do your errands. That way she can see how you shop and learn from your role modeling.

HTH

Jean

**freedeal** · 04-27-2006, 01:17 AM

I went over to this couples home and we worked on gathering the bills. I really hope I can help them but they are so in debt. When they handed me the list of bills it covered almost the entire front sheet of notebook paper. Wow!!! On top of that he was demoted today with a $400 paycut per month. He handles money and after the car incident I think they felt he was a risk in his position.

This is pretty much where they stand
Mortgage -2 months past due
Electric - 3 months past due
Car - recently repo'ed - need $1500 to get it back
5 CC - all months past due (good thing is the highest balance is $600)
Jewelry store - owe $1200 -way past due
Phone - cut off - $100 in collections
Cable -cut off - $250 in collections
Bank Overdraft - $200
Finance Company - $600 (for a vacation they felt they needed to take-current)
4 Medical Bills - does not include new baby bills that will come shortly
Condo Association Dues - four months past due

Here is where I am with this. I told them that they needed to go through their DVD's -which they must have 100, clothes - he is a clothes horse and 95% is American Eagle and Abercrombie (so they will sell on eBay), and their video games for starters and by Saturday I will be back and everything will be listed on eBay.

He still has another week before he is paid and the mortgage and electric must be caught up before we can look at the rest of the stuff.

I am going to redo their taxes for them. They didn't itemize because they would have to pay the preparer more so they took the standard deduction and have to pay $400. I am going to file an amended return for them and they should easily break even or get something back. Just from a quick glance it looked like they may get around $1000 but I didn't want to tell them or even hint that yet. '

Also, she will be making a two week menu and on Tuesday we are going to meet and discuss how she can maximize their food budget.

They have about a negative $500 each month before the pay cut. We are doing small steps. First catch up electric and mortgage. Both sets of parents have agreed to loan them 1/2 of the money to get the car back. But that adds two more payments each month.

Am willing to hear any ideas or strategies. This needs to be a process where they have to work for every single dollar in order for it to really teach them. If we can get through 3-4 months, I think we can really see progress.

**treeluva** · 04-27-2006, 01:49 AM

Wow. That is...... really bad. My hat is off to you for taking these two under your wing.

Selling some of their things is an option, and one they may have no choice but to do right now. I have never had much luck with EBay though. I think I have sold 1 out of 15 things that I have listed there.

I hate to say this, but what about selling plasma or platlettes. I know a couple who used to do that twice a month. They each made about 90 bucks on it, 180 for the both of them. It is a way for them to make some extra money.

**littlemotherhaywood** · 04-27-2006, 08:18 AM

I don't have any advice (you've already gotten quite a lot of good advice), but I wanted to say that this a wonderful thing you are doing. I wish I had known someone (well, I did, but I didn't know it) when my dd was a baby and we were struggling who could come in and show me how to stay on track. I'd like to think our circumstances would be a lot different. I also think it says a lot about them that they've asked for this particular kind of help. What you're about to do for them will change the course of their lives. That's amazing.