Unhappy

**Jos** · 07-12-2006, 05:39 AM

My husband has just told me how unhappy he is at work, I have known for a while that he did not like it but not to the extent that has become apparant. His health is suffering both mentally and physically because of it, the problem is is that to leave this job would mean we would be £600 worse off a month, I know that this is nothing compared to his health but i just don't know if we can do it. I don't know what to do because he isn't going to be able to stay there for much longer.

**Early Bird** · 07-12-2006, 06:24 AM

Deep breath, Jos.

Now is the time to plan hard.

Where can you cut the budget? Do you have margin in your spending to make up part of that? How about regular savings that you can (gulp!) cut back on?

What would it take for him to transition into a better job? More education? A cross-country move? Do you have savings to ease into the transition?

Before I left the work force to stay home with the kids, we saved as much as we could. Then, when DH's last degree took longer than expected ... and neither of us was working for several months, we were still okay.

Can you plan your way through this transition?

**Daisygirl** · 07-12-2006, 07:41 AM

Is it possible for you to go to work at least part-time to help out with the bills? Nothing is worse than spending 8-10 hours a day doing something you hate. Cut everything to the bone spending wise, and do what you need to for his good emotional health.

Good luck!

**Mojjo** · 07-12-2006, 07:48 AM

And can he start looking for something else now? Maybe he could leave one job for another.

Good luck...we're here for you.

**banana** · 07-12-2006, 07:53 AM

I agree now is the time to plan. See what you can cut out and how much you would be short each month. Can you possibly get a part time job to cover the difference, even if it is only temporary till he finds a better paying position?

Best of luck to you.

**iida** · 07-12-2006, 08:55 AM

Jos - we have the very same situation here. My husband left his job in January for the same reasons. He had hated his job for a long time and finally got so depressed that he couldn´t work anymore.

He is on sickleave till the end of September, but what happens after that, who knows? He has told me, that he is not taking the old job back. He goes to therapy and is on medication and is doing a little better. In addition to his mental problems he has diabetes and very high blood pressure. He takes medication for these too. He would like to start his own business and has some ideas about that.

I am very worried about our future. I can´t work myself because I have incurable breast cancer and go to treatments regularly for the rest of my life. I have a small pension and my husband gets about 850 euro a month from social security for his sickleave. It is very hard since our rent is 927€ and we have two kids.

On the other hand I think that this situation could be the turning point in our life and gives my husband the opportunity to figure out what he really wants to do with his life.

Hugs from iida

**littlemotherhaywood** · 07-12-2006, 10:49 AM

I would do whatever you can to get him out of there and into a new job as soon as possible. My dh got a new boss six months into his last position and his health went downhill. He was superstressed and finally snapped and that's why he lost his job. They were nice enough to give him a one month's severence, but I still feel lost. We were totally unprepared.

**Jos** · 07-12-2006, 04:18 PM

Thank you all for your kind words of support, we have had a good talk about what we are going to do tonight and he can already see light at the end of the tunnel. We have decided that he is going to stay for another month before handing in his notice. During this time he will look for other work and we will make cut backs and plan ahead. We know that he is unlikely to find work with the same salary and bonuses as he gets now as we live in an area with very low wages but this is a small sacrifice for his health. I am about to start university but only part time and our second child starts school full time in September so i will look for some part time work to fit round university and school hours. Thanks again to everyone it was a a real help to be able to share my concerns and recieve such great support.

**peanut** · 07-12-2006, 07:47 PM

I don't know if any of you have seen this, but I came across a book called "The Joy of Not Working" by Ernie Zelinski. It's available in over 40 countries right now. It might pertain to some of these work issues.

I'm reading it because dh isn't happy about work right now. I'm trying to figure out if there's a way for him to quit and do his own thing. I don't think he will though. He's too ingrained with a strong work ethic. He'll work till he drops or someone kicks him out I have a feeling...at least until he can take full pension.

This book has some ideas on the attitude and outlook people need to have towards their leisure time, and using it to create pleasurable work for themselves.

Jean

**Telephus44** · 07-12-2006, 09:17 PM

I agree with trying to plan this ahead of time. My DH was in the same situation and when he quit he went 10 months before finding another job, and even that was at a 15% paycut. While he was unemployed we ended up selling stuff on eBay to cover some bills.

I would stll do it over again, but I would have planned it a little better than we did.

**ewokgirl** · 07-13-2006, 01:47 AM

Two and a half years ago, my DH was laid off. He found a new job very quickly (only 3 weeks). It sounded like a great place and a great opportunity. It even paid more. Once he started working there, he hated it. He dreaded going in every day. He'd stay up late at night because he knew that if he went to bed, when he woke up, he'd have to go there to work. He was falling into a depression. I'd been (and still am) a SAHW for several years, and for the first and only time, he seemed to really resent that. He was a total pill to be around because he was so unbelievably unhappy. He felt sick all the time because of all the stress.

He actively looked for another job. Three months later, he found a new position. He interviewed with them and even worked for a day to see if he would be a good fit. He loved it. He really like the people he would be working with, and he liked what he would be doing. The 2 drawbacks: It paid about $5000 less, and we'd be on COBRA for another 3 months. COBRA was costing us almost $650/month out of pocket. Tres expensive!

It was a bit of a financial struggle for us at that time, but believe me when I say it was worth it! DH snapped back to his former happy self. I was more than willing to make some financial sacrifices for his happiness and well-being. No amount of money is worth the stress and despair he was under at that one job! (And he went right back to being happy that I stay home to take care of the house, cars, errands, food, cleaning, money management, etc.)

Anyway, I tell you that story simply to (hopefully) give you some encouragement. It's a struggle, but so worth it in the end.

**ironmaiden** · 07-20-2006, 12:25 PM

Out of the blue last night DH said he's unhappy at work.
I'm not sure if this is a midlife crisis thing - he did the same thing at 40 and stayed at his job after a couple months of soul searching. He's 46 now.
Or he's in a rut - both at work and at home. He needs to go on an adventure and since the kids (6 years now), our trips have been quite limited - mostly to his parents.
OR after 18 years on this project he's simply had enough.

I told him that if he wanted to take some time between jobs that that would be okay. Or if he wanted an extended time off, that I'd go back to work. Though with the kids this little, I can't see him wanting to do that. He loves them dearly and spends lots of time with them, but day in and day out they'd drive him nutty and it's shall we say boring - my words, not his. He's want to work on projects and they'd interrupt him every 5 minutes.

On the financial side, the downside of his leaving would be that he works at a place with a pension and has 18 years in. I'm sure he'd find another good job. And we have a cushion that if he took a few weeks off in between that we'd be fine. If I went back to work, I'd make less than he does, but we'd still be fine, especially knowing that it would be temporary. I'm lucky that my old job would take me back even knowing that it would be for 6 months - they'd consider it getting me back up to date with their stuff for when I go back to work and they'd hope that getting me back in the door would make me want to go part-time earlier than I've planned.

See what happens. But he knows that I'm on his side no matter what.

**Start-Living** · 07-20-2006, 06:09 PM

My BF is also unhappy with his job.

Everytime he give in his 2 weeks notice, they give him a raise so he won't quit (happens about 5 times in 4 years).
The last time (a year ago) he just quit without giving them any notice, got another job the next day...a week later...didn't like the new job...went back to his old job and they give him a big raise, and a promotion. (This is weird, but it's a privately own company and the owner likes him alot, also he's the one that keeps everything running smooth in that business) although he hates the job still....
He's talking about quiting again. But he's scare that if he get another job, he might not like it, and the pay is not going to be good enough. He got a job offer in Cincinnati that will pay the same, but we have a 2nd mortgage on the house, I'm pregnant, and we love it here, so it's very hard to move.

I never have a problem quiting a job when I was still working. But I guess this process is harder for some people than others, although they hate the job so much, they're kind of stuck because of the situation they're in.

**SammeyG** · 07-20-2006, 08:44 PM

Hang in there. Both dh and I have been in the same boat for the last 6 months. We both are alike in a way. We just hate having to go out and look for another job. But dh had a good offer on this past Monday. It was going to be where dh had to go out of town to work and stay in a hotel for the week. So on Tuesday he quiet his job. Later that day when he went to go talk to the other person about the other job it fell through. That person at the other job said that the company had found a local person in the town,that he was going to work in, his position that dh was offered. Luck that one of dh good friends works as a sub contractor for a telephone company and dh friend was going to be losing atleast one person this week and another when school starts up. SO we can look at it this way that this week has been a vaction for my husband. Only bad thing is that he will have to be working out in this heat next week.