I'm Jeanna and I am a shopaholic!

**Jeanna** · 08-11-2006, 03:59 PM

I have realize over the past couple of years that I buy way to much stuff--especially craft supplies. But over the last few weeks I really realized I have a problem. Now if I only spent $20 dollars at a time it would be different, but I spend in the hundreds at times.
Now the only debts we have are my husbands truck payment and our mortgage, which we just got however we have no savings!!! It seems like when we get a little built up, I go crazy and spend it.
I have decided to hand over the checkbook and my debit card to my husband. I will still figure the bills and all, but let him give me only the money owed. I will also start on the no spend challenge that has been going on. The thing is I don't know why I spend so much. I love my life. I really have no complaints except I have no real friends. I talk to people at church, but haven't had a true friend since I got married. Now this is not my husbands fault. It is just me. The only other thing is my husbands job takes him away from home for 12-14 hours a day so when he comes home he is tired and really doesn't want to do anything but rest, which I do understand. So maybe I am just lonely and bored. It is something I will have to study on.
Anyway I just wanted someone to know, for they say admitting the problem is the first step to recovery.

**staceyy** · 08-11-2006, 05:43 PM

Good luck! Please let us know how your challenge is going.

**miss_thrifty** · 08-11-2006, 05:48 PM

Jeanna Great big hugggs coming your way!!!!
It is the first step to dealing with any problem is admitting and realizing we have one. Congrats dear, it does take guts.
I had for years blamed my hubby when we lived the country that i was depressed because he didnt want to make friends or the ones i thought I could like. It wasnt his fault. It was mine. I was depressed, it was me who didnt try to reach the goals i needed to get to, it was me who held him back for years wehn he wanted to sell the house and move to town. He told me If I got out of the country , made new friends, and got away from stressful family it would work. And it did. I love it here, we have more frinds now then we ever have. Lack of money, too many bills, and stress from family was too overwhelming before.
Talking about, and writing a journal for yourself to see and reflect and how your days are going, will help you deal with money issues. And progreess you will make. ther will always be slip ups from time to time, no ones perfect, just try to keep on the track, and vent to us, will be there.

HUUUUGGGSSSSS

**Goodwin17** · 08-11-2006, 09:50 PM

Sending big hugs your way!! I recently realized too how much I was spending on crafts and magazines. I've been suffering from depression for a long time, and now that I've been getting treatment I have noticed a decrease in my shopping habits. I still have to check myself sometimes, and I know I will probably forever. I'm working on making more friends, although I still only have a couple. Wishing you the best of luck. You're right, admitting it is the first step.

**ewokgirl** · 08-11-2006, 11:22 PM

Hmmm.... saying hello to people at church, but not really having friends there is something I can totally relate to. I had that problem at our old church. Lots of very nice people, but no one I'd really connected with. When we moved and looked for a new church, one of the requirements was for it to have a vibrant women's ministry. Or at the very least, a women's bible study I could go to. We found a wonderful church with a very busy women's ministry, lots of other childless couples (like us), and I've made several good friends.

I'm not saying you should switch churches, but you might either call around and see if any others in your area offer a women's bible study or else consider starting one at your church. It's a great way for women to connect and get to know each other.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but since I've been there, I thought I'd tell you about it.

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 08-11-2006, 11:59 PM

oh jeanna........i wanna give you a big big hug right now!!!!! if there is anything i can do for you, please let me know. or if you just want a friend to talk to pm me, i would love to talk!!!! things will get better i promise!!!

**Daisygirl** · 08-12-2006, 06:48 AM

Jeanna, I have had similar problems too. In fact when I started on this website several months ago I said I felt like a recovering alcoholic who kept falling off the wagon.

I still do fall off the wagon occasionally but I am getting better. And because my spending is USUALLY under control, those big splurges don't hurt me financially quite as badly as they once did.

One thing that helps me is to make a plan for the day. Every morning I write a list of what I will do and I feel really good crossing things off that list, even the recreational things. Another suggestion would be to treat your craft supplies like groceries. Go through your supplies and write out a "menu" of crafts that you can do with what you have on hand. You will be forced to use your creativity and will probably produce some wonderful things.

Lots of hugs, it will get better!

**Darlene** · 08-12-2006, 07:55 AM

Good things ahead Jeanna. Big hug and thumbs up for taking that leap of faith & making some changes.

**Jayne** · 08-12-2006, 09:37 AM

Hugs to you Jeanna.....It is wonderful that you are coming to terms with your problems.....I have been where you are and am still working on it everyday....Hang in there, it will get better...you have gotten some great advice from the ladies

**peanut** · 08-12-2006, 11:38 AM

{{{Hugs}}} Jeanna. I've been there too. Spending can be an issue in all kinds of mental health disorders. Somehow it makes us feel better about ourselves...at least until the bill comes!

I have had a long struggle with whether to take over the finances from dh or just let him keep doing them. I think I'll let him keep doing them. He is really conflicted about money. He can be a bean-counter in the extreme. When he's not bean-counting, he's gone to the opposite extreme, where he wants to spend money we don't have on unnecessary items. Dh is not good at planning ahead, which is also worrisome.

It really leaves me throwing up my hands in dismay. Especially when my tendency is to redo the budget so I can spend tons on craft supplies! But I know that's not doable. It's easier to just take my allowance and do what I want with that. Everything else, as long as he pays the bills, he can do what he wants with.

I agree with the others. Keep a journal or log of what you're doing. Post on-line. That way you can get feedback and encouragement. You also have a tangible record of how well you're doing.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jean

**Shell** · 08-12-2006, 11:52 AM

It looks like you've come to the right place. Believe me, you are not alone in the spending dept. I used to wait until payday and run to mall. I still splurge here and there but it is so much better and now I pay myself first, so for the last 6 years I have money in the bank.

I think the Tightwad Gazette really help me look at money differently. Great to have you here.

**Jeanna** · 08-12-2006, 01:15 PM

I really appreciate the support from everyone. I have really been thinking and the funny thing is I am frugal on somethings and then out of control on others. So I am going to read everything I can get my hands on about being frugal--either online or from the library--not going to spend money on it. Keep me a journal on thoughts and also one on ways I have made do, cut cost, etc. I am also going to try to stay out of the stores. With these things and the support I can get from here I should be able to kick this thing.

Thanks everyone for the support.

**FarmerSue** · 08-12-2006, 02:23 PM

BIG hugs coming your way!!!!!!!!! I have too much fabric, WAY too much!!!! I live way out in the sticks and surround myself with supplies to create the next project but never actually FINISH too many of them. Is your daughter good on the computer? Maybe she could set you up on EBAY and the two of you could sell some supplies and make a little money for an outing? My dh is gone all day too and not exactly what I call talkative. I have one very best friend and we burn up the phone lines every single day. She is persuading me to do the EBAY thing too so I'm saving up for a digital camera. I think once we weed out the stuff we can live without we may get more excited about the projects we really want to do. Time will fly by and before you know it it's almost supper time!
Take care
Try not to be too hard on yourself!

**kabin63** · 08-12-2006, 08:12 PM

Jeanna,
What a brave thing to admit over the internet. This is the first step. Funny thing is, how many of us feel or deal with the same issues. Anyone here ever watch Oprah? Yes, I do sometimes. Thing is, this last year she kept repeating something that hits home for me, and probably a lot of us here. Whether your addiction is to drugs, alcohol, food, or shopping, the thing everyones seems to share is feeling that they are not enough. Wow! I've been doing a lot of thinking about that and I believe she hit the nail right on the head. so many times I think I want to change and I have good intentions and still end up repeating a behavior I didn't want to repeat. I also may ask myself what I get from shopping and how I feel when I can't spend as much as I would like to. Do you think we should start a support group here?
Pat yourself on the back. You have made a step in the right direction.

**Cricket1** · 08-12-2006, 09:03 PM

I'm not sure what type of crafts you do, but if it's knitting, crocheting or quilting, why not take some of those supplies and create something positive with them? There is a national organization (I'm not sure of the name--maybe do an internet search) that needs baby quilts and layette sets and afaghans for preemies or NICUs all around the country. I'm sure if you made some of these things you could donate them to your local hospital and/or early intervention service.

Another idea would be to create something for a newly built Habitat for Humanity house near you. Crafting is a true gift. Being able to create something from material, etc. is amazing. Share that gift and let your light shine! See if there are other women in your area that want to work on a quilt together that you can donate to a local non-profit to raffle off. I am a VP for the Friends of the library and we would love it if someone donated something we could raffle off.

I think I'm completely replacing my shopping habit with a healthy addiction to this site--I can't go one day without checking in!

Any of these ideas(or similar ones) would not only help you meet new people, but also let you share your gift with others.