Just Venting!!! LONG>>>

**Backtoreality** · 08-12-2006, 04:28 PM

Okay alittle background. I have been a very emotional spender the last two years and went thru $25K of savings

and charged up to $8K in CC.

Dh and I have been going thru some sticky issues, but I don't gamble, drink, do drugs, etc. It just slowly got away from me...Does anyone else know what I trying to say?

Anyhow I got my act together in July and figure by the end of August I will have everyone's payments caught up and the first CC paid off (the smallest, but it's something!). My hubby is really riding me hard one this...meaning we discuss it everyday. I am getting to the point where, if we "discuss" it one more time - I'm quitting!!! Not really, but I know I messed up big time, I have apologized to him and asked for forgiveness, but he can't drop it. I feel like I am fixing it as fast as I can, but will never be forgiven for it.

Yep, I'm going to counciling; this week he is going too.

I keep looking at all the positive things I have done in the past month and he keeps dragging me down that deep hole I dug! I truely know this is a life style that I have to keep on the path for the rest of my life, but does any give you a break?!?! Not around here.

The to top it off I have 2 kids I'm trying to get ready for college!!!!

Okay, I feel just the tinyist better and Thanks for listening..

**Mom23boys** · 08-12-2006, 04:49 PM

Don't give up! It may look like a long, bumpy road ahead, but it is going to be all worth it in the end. Maybe once your DH starts to see the progress you are making, he will begin to praise you for your efforts. Hang in there.

**Laurie in Bradenton** · 08-12-2006, 04:50 PM

Do you feel better! Sometimes it just takes telling someone and you at least come down a point or two. I understand one hundred percent, after about 10 years my DH still brings up my big mistakes

I've gotten to the point I just think like a duck and let it roll off.

Laurie in Bradenton

**Michelle68** · 08-12-2006, 05:06 PM

Hang in there! At least you've recognized the problem and now you're working hard to solve it. You're doing great and you've made a lot of progress. Don't give up.

--Michelle

**Tori2** · 08-12-2006, 06:12 PM

I am glad you are going to counseling~I graduate in December with a Psychology Degree. I know it is frustrating when you are working so hard to fix things and you are not recieveing any praise. Stick to your program and stop telling your DH you are sorry. Once is enough and he can forgive or he can stew about the whole mistake but you do not have to continually be degraded. Sorry if I have come across as harsh but I feel that you need praise for recognizing your mistake and taking action to fix things. I am proud of you and you are doing great. Keep up the good work.

Tori

**ewokgirl** · 08-12-2006, 06:23 PM

You're doing great! The fact that you realized there's a problem, and you've taken steps to rectify it means you're ready to face reality and own up to it all. Having a CC paid off soon, whether it's the smallest or largest, is a great accomplishment!

I'm glad you're going to go to counseling, and I'm even more glad that your hubby is going with you. I wouldn't be shocked if the counselor tells him to stop bringing up your mistakes because it's making you feel worse. I'm sure your DH must just be really stressed by all this, but I hope he'll truly forgive you and drop the guilt-inducing statements.

Just know that those of us here are proud of the strides you're making!

**Nada.Leona** · 08-12-2006, 06:24 PM

My ex-husband used to do that too. You just have to accept that you are doing the very best you can and try as hard as you can to let his negativity role off your back. You cannot change him -- you can only change you. He is probably feeling scared and his best way of venting is by belittling you. Tell him next time "Look, I am well aware that I screwed up. If you will look at what I've done so far, this is paid off, that is paid of, etc. etc. Now all you're doing is bringing up old blues and making me feel small and hurt. So either stop talking about it or talk to someone else about it because I'm not listening anymore." And leave it at that. If he starts going on again, just let it go, say, "I'm not talking about this anymore," and walk away. He won't like it, but it's all you can do to control the situation.

Good luck.

**Shell** · 08-12-2006, 06:39 PM

This is a great place to come to. Change can be hard but you can do it.

**leezza** · 08-12-2006, 07:32 PM

I hope I do not say this with any disrespect so here goes......

I can understand your hubbys side of this because at one time it was like this in our home......hubby was the one spending and all I could see was not having any security.......we are back on the good road now, years later.....but try to understand where he is also......keep working on it!

I hope all will work out well for you and your family!

Sincerely,
leezza

**kabin63** · 08-12-2006, 07:47 PM

I don't know what other issues you may be having, but I suspect that not only is husband scared, but feeling like he can't trust you. Now I am not condoning him belittleing you, just think that could be part of it. I can feel for you though, I made a mistake when I was married before and my ex never trusted me again, even though it wasn't that huge of a mistake and it never happened again. Point is, you can't change him, how he acts or thinks, so just keep trying. The other positive thing you are doing is going for counceling. I commend you both for that. I hope everything works out for you both and keep plugging away, you will be out of debt before you know it. Best wishes!

**baronmom** · 08-12-2006, 07:55 PM

You have taken the first step by realizing that you had a problem with spending. Now you can put all your energy into taking care of your debt. It is very easy to do, cause I too have done some extra spending that I really should not have done. Take it one day at a time. Best of luck to you

**chatterweb** · 08-12-2006, 08:07 PM

Well, you are on the right track at least. Good Luck and keep us posted.

**Paquita** · 08-12-2006, 09:58 PM

**Backtoreality** · 08-13-2006, 12:17 AM

Thanks ya'll,

Ijust had to vent and get some of it off my chest. I truely can see things from DH point of view, I screwed up and it will take longer than a month to build up some trust. Is two enough?!?

In my heart, I know that DH

is the best I could have married and we do love each other very much. After all we been thru, that nasty D word is not an option. We are made for each other. Our strengths and weaknesses are very complimentary.

**frugalfarmwife** · 08-13-2006, 07:29 AM

I'm glad you could come here and vent, we all need a place where people will listen and really I don't think there's a better place on the net than here! It will take time but I'm sure you'll get through this. You've gotten great advice already on how to handle it so all I can really add is remember we're here for you!

kj