My Ex Is Still Blaming Me

**autumnlynn** · 08-14-2006, 03:19 AM

My ex called today and said his teaching contract was not renewed and it was my fault. He blames me because he owes more almost $10,000 in back alimony. He asked me to send a letter that I did not want to collect it from him. I refused. He says because of this, when they ran a credit check, it showed and they refused to renew his contract.

I don't know what to think. I'm really feeling guilty and upset. He is the one who walked out on us, taking all our money and letting us fend for ourselves. Now I guess I'm still to blame.

**crisp** · 08-14-2006, 04:03 AM

do not let him blame you he must own up to the consequences of his own actions , you have no reason to feel guilty .

**frugalfarmwife** · 08-14-2006, 06:21 AM

He's being childish and looking to place the blame for his own mistakes on someone else. I wouldn't sign off on it either, he made his bed so he can lie in it. Maybe, just maybe someday he'll look in the mirror and she the person there!

Hugs to you, it is NOT YOUR FAULT!

kj

**banana** · 08-14-2006, 06:47 AM

Dont feel guilty. I wouldnt have signed the papers either. He needs to start acting like a man and taking responsibilty for his actions.

**kabin63** · 08-14-2006, 07:29 AM

This is not your fault and you are NOT to blame. Juvenile is the term I would use for him. How can his choices be blamed on you? I am all about accountability and this is definitely not. Hang in there, keep your chin and don't let him make you feel bad for his mistakes. There's a word for people like your ex. It's called "Selfish". Big Hugs to you!

**Darlene** · 08-14-2006, 07:44 AM

Glad he's an ex and not a current. Ignore the rantings of a certified immature brat.

He made his bed, now he can lay in it.

**Daisygirl** · 08-14-2006, 07:56 AM

Oh, Autumn Lynn, he sounds like my ex. There are certain people that refuse to ever take responsibility for their actions. They feel that all of their troubles are no fault of their own, and they get irate when someone refuses to go along with that line of thought. He is immature and selfish, and good for you for standing up to him. This has nothing to do with you. Had he done the right thing in the first place he would nt be having these problems. All you are doing is refusing to take the onus off someone irresponsible, IN the grand scheme of things he has only himself to blame, and it is a lovely concept that in some small way, the next time, he might take more responsibility. (Unfortunately I kind of doubt it - hasn't worked with my ex yet.)

You keep standing up for yourself! Thumbs up!

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 08-14-2006, 08:54 AM

you are not to blame!!!!!!!! let him throw his little fit, he'll get over it!!!!

**AirForceWife** · 08-14-2006, 09:18 AM

Autumn, it sounds to me like his contract did not get renewed because HE did not fufill HIS obligation to maintain HIS credit to the school and/or school district's satisfaction. That's all him, not you. Doesn't matter if it's you, Sears, or Mastercard, the man has to pay his bills. Sears or Mastercard wouldn't have written the letter for him.

Sounds to me like his Karma is comin' back to bite him in the arse!

What a

**ktsmama** · 08-14-2006, 09:21 AM

Hugs to you and your family. I will be thinking of you.

I learned after a couple of times that my ex tried to make me feel guilty, he was really projecting his wrong doings on me. He was really the one doing something he was trying to hide by making me look and feel guilty. I guess it made him feel better.

**autumnlynn** · 08-14-2006, 09:41 AM

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I get so frustrated when I talk to him. Last year he said he tried to buy a house and he couldn't get financing because of the money he owed me. He asked me to sign papers then to forgive him the money, but I refused. The kids don't want to go places with him and he says it's because I talk bad about him behind his back. This is not true, I NEVER discuss any of this with the kids, and I encourage them to see their father. Now that his contract wasn't renewed, again, he blames me and wants me to sign the papers. Again, I refused and he says I am determined to ruin his life.

When he left (for another woman), I refused to give him a divorce unless he signed the house over to me. He held back for several months, but when he saw that I was not going to give him the divorce he signed a quit-claim deed which was drawn up by my lawyer and signed also by his lawyer. This was also in the divorce settlement. He now says it's not fair that I live in a nice home in Southern California when he is unable to buy a shack because of me.
He just brow beats me and makes me sound like I am money hungry. This is not the case. I really don't care about that money. I just don't see why he should have everything handed to him after all the struggling and work I have put in to raise my kids and keep my home.

I'm sorry for going on about this, but he had me questioning myself and if I was doing the right thing.

**babetteq** · 08-14-2006, 10:01 AM

He sounds a lot like a couple of my ex's. Selfish, self-pitying and self-absorbed. Don't wear the guilt babe. You don't own it and you didn't earn it. The only reason He's blaming you is because it's easier for him than 'fessing up to the fact that he's a loser and has ruined his own life.

don't listen to him. Stay strong int he fact that you did NOT 'ruin' him. There are lots of ways to keep your credit reasonable even when you owe money (payment options, credit plans etc.) that he also didn't utilize.

As far as getting the house signed over to you, um... who has the kids? that would be you. He doesn't need a house in the same way that you do. Signing it over is just the right thing to do, and some ex's would have done that without the fight and the several months of stress.

hang in there.

**frugalfarmwife** · 08-14-2006, 10:09 AM

Ya know I was sitting outside cutting up catnip and thinking about this (yeah, really, catnip, lol!) This man is a BUTTHEAD that never grew up!! He needs horsewhiped for this!!!

My neighbor is in just about exactly the same position right down to signing over the house, leaving for another woman, etc. He does all he can to make her life miserable when he's the one that took off and left her with all the bills and kids, grrrr, men like this deserve what they get!

And he'll get his, trust me, karma is an interesting thing to watch! Right now neighbors x is whining he can't afford to fix his vehicle because SHE takes child support from him!!

You stand tall and proud, you are a survivor, he's a leach!!

kj

**Kimberlina** · 08-14-2006, 10:29 AM

Sound like an uncle of mine.

Don't ever forgive him the debt- he should be supporting HIS FAMILY rather than some lifestyle with another woman. He shouldn't be that in debt to you because he should have been paying it all along. Or better yet, he never should ha ve done what he did.

That money is not for you- it is for HIS KIDS, and any time he tries to guilt you, you just remind him that he is $10k in debt to his kids, not you, and you are just the caretaker for THEIR money and you have only their best interests in mind.

My uncle wanted my aunt to waive all the interest he owed he, even though he has plenty of money. His current wife (whom he left my aunt for) told him he was being ridiculous- if he had paid it when he should have, he wouldn't owe nearly as much (I think it was something like $10k in interest.) He finally paid, and lo and behold, his kids were finally able to go to college and make a life for themselves instead of struggling through on what little my aunt could make.

If I were in your shoes, I'd definitely remind him that HE created this situation. I'd also remind him that he HAD a comfotable house in SoCal until he WALKED OUT OF IT. Sounds like a real jerk.

Sorry things turned out this way for you.

**starsapphire** · 08-14-2006, 11:43 AM

I second everything that all the previous posters have told you. They've already said it all so I don't have much to add except - Do NOT pack your bags for that guilt trip, you don't need to go there!