Feeling pressured by finances and choices - long vent

[warramra]

I am starting this morning off feeling pretty down about our state of finances and choices we are having to make. I checked my balance this morning and we have $50 to make it between now and next Friday. I really thought that six weeks ago when I started trying to get a handle on everything that I would have some sembelance of order by now. We have food, so that isn't a problem. And dh has some cash to tied him over, but I hate, hate how close to the edge we are.

On top of all that there are all these life choices to make that have some bearing on money in our life. Firstly, I was offered a short-term contract project by a company I have done some work for in the past. This past year I have put pretty much a halt on any work for me because it was too draining with the kids and I felt the $$ wasn't worth it in the end. But, this project is only a couple of weeks and I could put that money towards our hospital fund for the baby. I am just not thrilled about it - only the chance to make a few extra $$.

Then, while I am in the process of trying to decide whether to move my daughter to a new gymnastics gym and have her drop off competitive gymnastics and just do it for fun, I get a call from her gym asking me to consider adding an additional training session for those they consider 'top prospects' in the future. It is a hard decision, because she is good - but I really don't like what competitive gymnastics is and what it does to the girls who compete at the ultr-high levels in their tweens and early teens. What kind of sport is it that she will be too old for before she even can drive a car? Drop her back to an easier schedule to give me more sanity and save us $? Or, invest more $ and time because she is good and she likes it, right now? Soccer is her other sport, and she loves this sport! So I know when there has to be a choice she is going to choose soccer.

And finally, DH is being offered a chance to change positions in his company. It is more money, but also involves a move out of our home state and travel. This move could be a boon for us. We could sell the house and pay off all of our debts, the company pays for the move and we rent for a few years to begin working on our nest egg. The only downside is leaving an area that is full of family and going somewhere totally new.

Sorry this is so long. I think I am going to head off and see what I can do around here today to save us some $$.

[AmyBoz]

Sorry you are having such a rough time with all the decisions right now.

[ironmaiden]

There's a lot going on and lots of uncertainty. I know I get cranky and depressed at those times.

Have you asked your daughter what her goals and dreams are ... does she love to compete or does she simply just love gymnastics? How busy does your daughter feel? She may not want to add more time to her week. Remember that gymnastics is also a business and they purposely add more classes to get more money.

How far would the move be? Would you be in driving distance of family?
What would upset you more, the financial situation or being away from family?
How big of a support system is your family - is it companionship, babysitting, or just mostly calling them and seeing them on family occasions?
What's the cost of houses in the new area compared to the area you are currently in?

[frugalnana]

Sorry to hear about your morning Amy.

If it were me I would wait to see what dh decides about the job before I pay anything out for sports.

I know you say you would hate doing the job you were offered for 3 weeks. But I would go ahead and do it and then stash the money away.

If dh decides to stay were your at, then I would explain to dd that you are going to wait a year until household is in better position to pay for the extra class. I would also ask her if she would just want to do the gymnastics for fun so she could stay in shape for soccer.

Sometimes when we first start out to change our spending habits, we don't have what we think we should at first. But after a while you will see the changes. You will be happier being home which will make everyone else happier when they come home. Even though you have $50 left until next friday, try and act like you don't have it. Be creative as you can with your meals, take some walks, do a craft that you enjoy. But stay happy, keep that smile on your face and know that you are doing the right thing.

I'll keep you in my prayers. You have a good day.

[frugalfarmwife]

All I can really add to what's said above is that I hope that typing it out helped you a bit, I know that the act of seeing all options/delimnas out in type helps me muddle through things. And the support here is AWESOME!

The road to success in frugality is one taken in baby steps, we can't change everything overnight and it IS overwhelming for all of us at one time or another.

Oh, but, for your daughter, how old is she? I know my neighbors daughter is VERY into gymnastics and it keeps her VERY busy, she's on our YMCA team and they are VERY competitive but much more reasonable price wise than a private gym.

Hugs, you'll get it all thought through

kj

[AirForceWife]

Hi Amy!

Big hug for feeling down this morning. I always seem to wake up that way when big decisions are on the horizon.

My daughter is also a competitive gymnast, I really understand where you are coming from. It is so expensive and time consuming. We decided a while back to take all of our cues from her. As long as she's still happy, and thinks it's all worth it, we support her. But she also would never take the time away from the gym for another sport. She has had friends from the neighborhood or school try to get her to play soccer or teeball, she wasn't willing to miss gymnastics. She has told friends no to birthday parties and slumber parties because of gym!

As for moving with your husbands promotion, my husband is in the Air Force, and we are always on the move. We haven't lived near family for over 15 years, which has it's downside, but I wouldn't trade anything we've done!

On the bright side, you've got food, your husband has some cash in his pocket, and you still have $50 left. As long as you have no big expenses coming up this next week, this can be a great opportunity to see how to make it to next Friday and still have that $50!!

I'll be thinking good thoughts for you today! I hope you have a great one!

[FarmerSue]

Wow, it looks like you have a lot going on right now. My rule of thumb for sports in this house is one sport per kid per season. I know some people may think that is crazy but even with that rule we are VERY busy. In the winter we do hockey and figure skating ( I have a boy and a girl). Now that means no to volleyball, choir, music lessons, dance......everything. My daughter loved dance and we did both one year and it was nuts!!!! She was only 5 and I made her choose. Her SUPER LOVE she calls it is skating. Hand me down skates and I sew all her dresses makes it a LITTLE more reasonable. It's hard when they come home from school with permission slips but thats the rule.
I moved away from my family 12 years ago (8 hr drive) and it is hard but we do the best we can. I call home every day and my mom and I are very close. I have a few regrets as my dad just died in June but we were very close also and talked all the time. I never wanted to hold my husband back and didn't think too much about packing up. My dh just took a new position in the oil patch this year and the change has been great, should have done it 10 years ago!
Hope you have a great day!

[ewokgirl]

As someone who grew up moving a lot (my dad was in the oil business), it's really not that bad! We never lived near family. Everyone will make new friends and settle in and adjust. You still have email, instant messenger, and the telephone to keep in touch. When you do see your family again, it'll be that much more special.

As for your daughter, it sounds like you already have the answer. You said if given a choice, she'd choose soccer. Doesn't sound like being super competitive in gymnastics is her goal if she's that into soccer. Personally, I wouldn't add on the extra class if she's not 100% devoted to the one sport.

You said food is not a problem, and your DH has cash, so only having $50 isn't that bad. Look at it as a challenge not to spend or to spend it only on little necessities that crop up between now and next Friday. So, you eat all meals at home, no one picks up any treats... When you set your mind to it, it's pretty easy to do. You can do it!

Don't know what to tell you on the extra work. Since it's only 2 weeks, seems like it could be worth it, but I don't know what it's like trying to get work done with kids around.

[Cricket1]

I'm agreeing with everyone here. I wouldn't add on another gymnastics class b/c she loves soccer. Would she be devastated giving up gymnastics all together? I don't know who said it, but the gym owner is running a business. I'm sure your daughter is awesome, but keep in mind, they are not offering the class for free!

As for the big move--I think you have to weigh things. Make a pros and cons list if you haven't already. Personally, my husband could take a job near a major city and make a lot more money than he does now. However, he works 2 minutes away from our house (literally) and can come home when I have a dr. appt., etc. It's very convenient. Both my family and his family live within one hour from us and it's incredibly convenient for child care. I also have a huge network of friends that I would greatly miss. I love this town and our neighborhood. I guess it's all dependent on how you feel about where you're living now and what it has to offer.

I would take the short term job and sock the money away. Even if it's horrible, it's only a few short weeks. Mark big red X's on your calendar.

Good luck on your choices!

[Backtoreality]

I really don't have anything to add; we have great folks here,...

I know I moved around alot as a kid, loved it; plus after my DH and I got married, we moved 6 hours away from family. Too be honest it was the best decision we ever did. Made us be responsible for ourselves and children.

Here's a big hug, make a list, and then a family meeting is definately in order!

[warramra]

I just want to give a big thank you to everyone this morning. I really appreciate your input.

I do see our immediate financial strain as kind of a challenge. One to stretch what I am learning, and maybe even empower me in the future. I am just frustrated that I have spent the last two months whittling down expenditures and feel like I should be seeing a bit more in the account, not less. But then I had to remind myself that we are entering b-day season which will last until Christmas and I have been trying to get ahead there. And we have had additional maternity expenses this month while I have been trying to kick savings up a notch.

After discussing the project with the client, I agreed to do two parts on a piece basis to see how it worked with my schedule and the chaos that is my life. I got them done with very little stress and decided that all-in-all the project was worth the $$ I can put towards hospital bills. I should actually be finished with it by early next week.

For my daughter, I think that I am going to try to stick to my original plan and scale her back to a recreational class (non-competitive) and move to a gym closer to our home. I have some guilt about this, because I don't want to feel that I am 'limiting' her future in any way. But, when asked if gymnastics was on the same day as soccer which would she do? - she chose soccer.

No decision on the move, and the way dh's company moves at a snail's pace with personnel decisions, we will probably be in some limbo until October. The position is being created, yada-yada. Anyway, there are more pros than cons to the move. This is not an always and forever move. Going to a field position for a few years actually gives him a better chance at returning here in a different position down the road. So, mainly I see it as a chance to improve our financial situation (able to pay off all debts) and a chance to live and experience a different part of the country (we live in the mideast/south and the move would be to the midwest). So, if everything falls together we will go. Like I said it is just sitting out there, waiting. Which makes it difficult to make many long-term decisions.

Thanks again for everything

[PrairieRose]

I know this stuff is tough but if you listen to your dh, dd and your heart you'll make the right decisions in the end. Never go against that little voice in your heart, on the rare occaission that I have in my lifetime, I've lived to deeply regret it. Talk to your dd in depth about gymnastics. It could be something that she 'likes' but not loves. If that's the case, why couldn't you just drop that sport altogether to save the money and time and let her focus on soccer? As your family grows, your resources and time will become more and more limited for extra activities anyway. I hope you get all this figured out, and don't feel guilty. That's a waste of energy. Do the best with what you have and be happy (!)

[Daisygirl]

I don't have a lot of advice, I can only empathize with you. I too have been at a crossroad on many levels lately and it is such a disconcerting feeling. Big hugs. What I usually do is figure out which of the decisions is going to affect everything else (in this case it would be relocating for hubbies job) and then base my other decisions on that. I would also probably go for the two weeks of work. That money would probably help you out greatly right now.

Very best of luck.

[Michelle68]

Glad things look better today, Amy. (Isn't that the way it usually is?) Change is diffiicult and so stressful, but it sounds as if everything will work out just fine for you and your family.


--Michelle

[Goodwin17]

These ladies have given you awesome advice, so I just want to send you good vibes, and wish you much luck. I have crossed several large crossroads in the past three years, so I can empathize easily. It sounds like your dh work situation would in the long run be best if you can return at some point to where your from.