for those of you who work outside the home

**carolyns** · 08-30-2006, 09:56 AM

Hello, I recently started a new job in retail and they gave me my schedule. It is only a few days a week, but it is from 3-11 p.m. on those days. My son will be returning to school next week and won't get home until 3:45 p.m. My husband will of course be here to take care of him, but I feel so absolutely terrible that I will not be here for him on those evenings. It will only be one day next week when this happens (on Thursday) but wouldn't you know it, it is the day of his open house. It would be the first one I ever missed. I guess what I am asking is would you keep this job? Is it just an adjustment then I will feel better about it? On Thursday, I would go to his school and eat lunch with him and spend recess with him. What would you do in this position?

**i.m.cheap** · 08-30-2006, 10:46 AM

Do you need the money? I have always worked since dd was born, and alot of it has been second shift, so we didn't require any child care. I currently only have dinner with the family on Sunday and Thursday. I hate it. My job is OK, better than some I have had, but I do wish I could spend more time with DH. I get to see dd alot, since we homeschool. If we didn't need the extra income, I would quit in a heartbeat.

**YankeeMom** · 08-30-2006, 10:53 AM

I am in the exact same position. I recently started working again as a server in a restaurant. The shifts are either 11am to 4pm (which I would prefer) or 4pm to whenever they feel like letting you go (they close btw 10pm-12am). I am having to choose the night shift because my kids get out of school at 2:30 and 3pm and do not ride the bus and dh works until 6:30pm so he can't get them either. I can't find ANYONE to pick them up & take them home. That is all I would need, a ride for them to get home because once they get home I am completely comfortable with my 14yo babysitting for the hour in between them getting done with school & the day shift ending.

I am having to be away from them 3-4 nights per week. It sucks, but we need the money. I'm hoping next year I will feel more comfortable with my (by then, 15yo) dd walking all of them home.

Sorry I have no other advice, but I do sympathize.

**lottaLove** · 08-30-2006, 10:53 AM

I think it depends on how badly you need the retail job, and if that's what you really want to do. It's important to remember why you applied for the job in the first place. If you need the extra income, is there another place you can apply that will let you choose your own hours? Does your employer allow you to trade shifts, or ask for days off?
It's also important to remember that while you may feel terrible that you have to leave your son for those nights, your son is probably at home having a blast enjoying his daddy time. I leave my son with my DH twice a week from 6:30 - 11 so that I can go to night classes, and he practically pushes me out the door so that him and daddy can have play time. They do all sorts of "guy" things that they don't do while mommy is around.
As for the open house, maybe it's possible to make special arrangements with the school for the open house, to go in on a different day, or even at a different time (morning snack maybe?). If you're only working a few days a week, I don't think its very likely that you will be working everytime there is a special event you want to attend.

**YankeeMom** · 08-30-2006, 10:59 AM

Oh! One thing I did do was go through my kids' school schedule to see when the evening activities were, like Parent Night, Holiday Concerts, etc. I noticed that the school seems to put all of these important events on Wednesday nights. The only exception is when a Wednesday falls on a holiday. So I went to my boss and requested to not work any Wednesday nights. Now I don't have to worry about requesting an important date off in time and I know I have at least one day off that's the same every week.

Maybe your son's school does something similar?

**carolyns** · 08-30-2006, 11:06 AM

thanks everyone, some good ideas here... i don't "have" to keep the job, but i would like to keep it if i can. i guess i just don't want to feel guilty about being away from my son on those nights, even though i know he would adjust. i'm wondering if it is just "mommy guilt" and it will go away...

**rachelj** · 08-30-2006, 12:48 PM

Could you switch nights with someone???? By the way, I'm from near South Bend, where do you work??? Maybe I will have to go shopping!!

**Jerseygirl** · 08-30-2006, 01:20 PM

Do not feel bad - he is with Dad, not a stranger, you are working to help support him, not out having a good time. You are also instilling in your son a certain work ethic, yes you would like to participate in everything, but you have made commitments that it is just as important to keep. He will also learn from this situation that grown ups have responsibilities.

**ewokgirl** · 08-30-2006, 04:48 PM

I'm assuming your DH can still make the open house at school, so honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. It's not every single night. You're not missing everything he does. It's just a few nights a week. I think you're just feeling some (normal) mommy guilt right now.

**carolyns** · 08-31-2006, 10:45 AM

thanks everyone; i think i am starting to feel better about it. yes, my husband will make it to the open house and probably the grandparents as well. i am also signing on to be a lunchmom at his school again, so on those days that i am working evenings, i will at least be with him for a few hours during the day.
hi Rachel -- i'm not sure where south bend is, i am from the downriver area. is it near there???

**Scattymum** · 08-31-2006, 12:18 PM

no advice, but

**kabin63** · 08-31-2006, 09:33 PM

Could you switch nights with someone???? By the way, I'm from near South Bend, where do you work??? Maybe I will have to go shopping!!

Rachel, me 2, I live south of South Bend.

**Dsunny1** · 08-31-2006, 09:57 PM

I hope you feel better, it is hard to have to miss some things. I think he will be ok though, and everyone will get used to it once the newness wears off. How did your mom to mom go by the way? Was it profitable, or was it a waste of time? I've been wondering how you were doing.

**ubumartin** · 08-31-2006, 10:15 PM

If you think about it, there will probably never be a time that is "perfect" to work when you are a mother. It is very different for a mother than a father I think. We think about our children first all the time. We want to be at everything. My husband is wonderful and always took care of my children when I was working, (I work days he works nights). I think Dad's can get up and go to work and not feel guilty for the most part about what they miss while they are at work but I think a mother is always thinking about two places at once. While I am at work I know my children are well cared for at home but I want to be the one home, getting them on the bus, fixing their hair, going to the school for the open house etc. I know exactly how you feel. My husband is wonderful but he can leave the house and not think about who needs rides, who has homework, do they have clothes for school the next day. When I leave about 100 things cross my mind as to what they need even though I know he is home with them. We are mother's and that is how mother's think.