An interesting question to ponder. (Long)

**Edelweiss** · 09-07-2006, 06:58 PM

Ok, first you'll need a little backstory. I'm from Oklahoma, DH is from here. He and I lived in OK for 3 years and we've been here almost 3 years. We both really like both places, but dislike some things about both places.

My mom has a 2-acre plot with a house on it, which she owns outright. She lives in another house she's currently buying. My aunt and uncle have been living in the old house rent-free for a couple of years and have fixed it up quite a bit. They are now moving out of state and my mom just informed me that she intends to keep the house rather than sell it and that if DH and I come back to OK we can live there rent-free as long as we want. Mom said that she wouldn't take any rent, she'd rather we save it so, eventually, we can build something bigger and nicer on the property if we want to.

Now the delimma. We could go home (by home I mean OK) and live very well for far less than we're making here. We'd both really love to go back to OK. But DH has been with his company for 5 years (they transferred us here, at our request) and has a great future with them. It isn't likely that they'd be willing to transfer him back to Oklahoma after they just paid to transfer us here 3 years ago. The only way we could do it is for him to quit his job and find something else back home. Granted, 5 years isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, but he'd have a lot less seniority and perks with starting off new at a different company.

Here's the kicker. We're not actually considering this. I have another year of school left and don't want to transfer schools again (for the 5th time). DH doesn't want to leave his job. It just isn't right for us right now.

My question is this: faced with the same scenario, what would you do? Ignore the fact that we're not going to do it. I'm just interested to find out what choices others would make given the same situation. Call it a study in sociology, or something!

**Michelle68** · 09-07-2006, 07:15 PM

I would wait it out, finish school and then see where we stood. I would probably lean toward going home after school was finished because 1.)well, it's home, 2.) after finishing school, most likely mine and DH's earning power would be that much stronger so if DH had to start over at a new job it hopefully wouldn't affect us as much, and 3.) as you said, the cost of living is so much cheaper there.

So that's my hypothetical answer to your hypothetical question.

--Michelle

**miss_thrifty** · 09-07-2006, 09:15 PM

i agree with miachelle, i would wait till your school wad one before moving back.

**kabin63** · 09-07-2006, 09:19 PM

I don't really have to think about this one. I agree to wait until you're out of school, then I know I would head back home, because it is cheaper, you could save a lot of money as your mother suggested, and your family is there.

**Edelweiss** · 09-07-2006, 09:56 PM

Wow. It's interesting to me that the job issue doesn't seem to be a major factor for folks. If it were my job instead of DH's that was one of the factors, I think I would be really reluctant to leave a place where I had security and upward mobility. Granted, I could get those things at another company, too, but I'd have to start from scratch and it would take another 5 years. To me, that's a really big sacrifice. But then again, I change jobs a lot! (Ok, every couple of years, but that seems like a lot to me!)

Oh, one other thing. Yes, my family is in OK, but DH's family is here. I should have mentioned that before, I guess.

**ewokgirl** · 09-07-2006, 10:36 PM

If it were I... I would definitely want to finish school where I am. If my DH really liked his job, we'd also stay put. If I hadn't been pining to go back, and we were both happy where we were doing what we were doing, well, I don't think we'd take the opportunity. Admittedly the idea of living rent or mortgage free sounds great; however, that's not enough to uproot everyone and start all over unless we were unhappy where we were to begin with.

**leezza** · 09-07-2006, 10:43 PM

JMHO:

I wouldn't ask my hubby to give up a job he really liked......good jobs are really hard to find, specially if they treat you well and you have good benefits.......Who knows maybe after you finish school another chance for a transfer would present its self.......

I don't care so much about my job, but I want my hubby happy with his employment! I think a lot of men get their confidence from what they do, and if you ever do have children wouldn't you want him to be happy and enjoy going to work each day????

leezza

**Backtoreality** · 09-07-2006, 11:04 PM

What made you move in the first place? You asked for the transfer right?

I have moved several times because of DH's job situation. I can and do find work whereever we live, so that's not an issue. I am in favor of listing pros and cons and then talk,talk,talk to DH about things. Then decide together.

**ironmaiden** · 09-08-2006, 03:45 PM

I'd finish school. But the thing that hasn't been explored is the possibility of the company transferring him back. Companies write off those expenses all the time, they probably don't care and considering how few employees stay anywhere for 5 years, they got their money back on this one. Can't hurt to raise the subject and feel them out.

But my decision would rest on where did we want to live permanently? Those two places offer very different lifestyles. And will you have kids and where do you want to raise them.

**treeluva** · 09-09-2006, 09:51 AM

If it were me....

I would go back to Oklahoma. But I am biased. lol.

I grew up in New Orleans, but lived in Oklahoma for 7 years. I love Oklahoma. I miss it terribly. (I am in Germany now.)

But, there are a lot of other things to consider, such as finishing school, your husbands employment, wages, the fact that he will be moving from his family, (even if you would be closer to yours)

But it is really cool of your mom to extend the rent free invitation!

**Telephus44** · 09-09-2006, 05:32 PM

I probably would re-consider it after your schooling is over, but would probably end up staying put. Free rent is nice, but money isn't everything, and yes, a job that you like is also worth a lot. DH and I moved across the country right after we got married and I had to leave a job that I LOVED and ended up with a job that was really a waste of my time and skill set. Was it cheaper out there? Yes. There were also a lot of other plusses about living out there. But in the end - we came back. We now both have jobs that we love, and even though we're not as far ahead as we could have been financially, there's also a lot less stress and we're enjoying our lives more.

So, assuming that you like living in both OK and FL equally, I'd stay.