Stay at Homes...

**treeluva** · 09-17-2006, 05:03 AM

Recently, with a lot of prayer, and looking over stuff..... we have decided that it is time for me to stay home. I am excitied about this, as I have dreamed of staying home for years now.

But, last night, I had an anxiety attack. Funny enough, it had NOTHING to do with money.

I was sitting there, freaking out about if I would be a good stay at home mom, and wife.

For the last 9 and half years, my days have pretty much been scheduled for me. (I am active duty Army) I am concerned that I wont know what to do!

I realize that this is very much a fear that really has no root, since I am sure I can find all sorts of things to do.....

But I still have this horrible feeling that I will just get up, get the kids off to school, and then spend the rest of the day in my pajamas!

Do you guys who stay at home have a schedule for yourselves? Is it a set schedule?

Darnit! I wish this feeling would go away!

**pammy** · 09-17-2006, 05:35 AM

Perfectly normal.

If my friends know anything about me, they know I like my schedules. Just takes on a new form now.

It's going to be okay, just take a bit to get used to. I have an older daughter in school, this is what my typical day is like:
Get up with dh at 6:45am, visit with him until he leaves at 7:15am. Drink coffee, read email. Between that time dh leaves and when dd gets up (9:30-ish, she's a senior and goes only from 11-3:30) I'll pick up the living room, make the bed, unload and reload dishwasher, read more email, eat breakfast, mop or vacuum if needed, start laundry if needed. I try to visit with dd before she leaves for school. When she leaves at 11am I hit the shower. Am ready for 'the day' by noon, when dh usually comes home for lunch (although that can range anywhere between 12-2pm, we don't know from day to day, goes with his job). Will fix him something for lunch and visit with him. Sometimes dh doesn't get to come home for lunch at all so I'll eat lunch by myself. Then, usually from 1pmish-3:30 is mine. In this time I will shop, work the budget, pay bills, get out of the house to visit with family, read a book, read on net, whatever mood strikes me that day or needs to be done. Will be home at 3:30pm for dd, will hang out with her (she works a few evenings). Never know from day to day when dh comes home from work, can be anywhere from 4-11pm. Given up trying to time dinner when he gets home, so will start fixing dinner anywhere between 5:30-6:30-ish. Hang out with dh when he gets home, settle in for the night, bed usually bout 10pm-ish.

This schedule would have driven me nuts in my former life, too many 'if's. But you get used to it. Ya try to be more flexible and go with the flow, bout all you can hope for. It's taken me almost a year to get used to this (wow! it's been that long already?). But things sure run more smoothly with me here. Not worried about my teen being left to her own devices anymore. Dh works about 60 hours a week, he doesn't have to mess with the daily stuff running a household entails and loves coming home. My stress level, as you can imagine, went kaput because of this flexibility in the schedule. It's all for the good.

I know it's hard for someone to say that it's going to be okay. You'll be fine. Of course it's going to take some getting used to. Deep breathe. Chin up. Cyber hug.

**Daisygirl** · 09-17-2006, 07:47 AM

I was kind of flung into the staying at home thing when I lost my job. The difference for me is that I am also working at home (I provide childcare.)

One of the most important things for me is to follow some simple requirements. I get up, have a shower and get dressed (including a little makeup and doing something with my hair) before the kids get up in the morning. Secondly, I schedule myself a couple of hours of housework or work on the computer before I allow myself to veg out with a book or in front of the TV. I agree with you, it would be so easy to hang out in my PJs and watch Oprah all day, so these two things help me make certain I don't do so.

Congratulations to you! This is a wonderful positive change in your life.

**marei** · 09-17-2006, 08:13 AM

I absolutely love being at home and honestly some days wonder when I had time to work. I like to hit the floor running in the morning so I have the latter part of the afternoon for me, read, watch Oprah, go on the computer etc. I love being organized but wasn't always the best at it so joined www.flylady.com. Don't follow it 100% but it certainly keeps me on track and every drawer and closet in my house is organized. I think your days will take care of themselves and hope you thoroughly enjoy this stage of your life - I know that I am loving it. One thing flylady advises is out of bed, into the shower and dressed, I think this is important - no lazing around in pj's although sometimes on the week-ends it is kind of nice to get a coffee and go on the computer and just relax. Things will work out and life will be great.

**mom2three** · 09-17-2006, 08:41 AM

I agree with Marei. Flylady will help you set up your routines. I have only just been home for six weeks now and my house is still chaotic, but I see progress and know that I am gettign somewhere. I also find I am very busy at home ad am actually looking forward to doing some of the things I have never had time to do (trying new recipes, crafting, etc.). I wish you well.

**staceyy** · 09-17-2006, 10:16 AM

Some women make Home Management Journals which are journals that contain schedules and routines as well as lots of information to help them manage their household more effectively.For a website that shows how to compile a journal as well as glimpses into other women's journals visit www.myblessedhome.blogspot.com .

**baronmom** · 09-17-2006, 10:27 AM

My schedule is never a set schedule. I do what needs to be done that day. I like it that way. I do not want to have a set schedule to do things. I like the flexibility of doing my own thing.

**Darlene** · 09-17-2006, 10:34 AM

I too am one of those people that likes getting the bulk of my work done in the morning so I can just putter.
Lists help too. sit down and make lists of the things you never have time for and tackle them one at a time. Prep what you can ahead of time for dinner so you can just ease into the evening. Put some music on and clean or whatever. Enjoy. Get bored, volunteer, go for a walk, visit a neighbor.

**treeluva** · 09-18-2006, 01:49 AM

Thanks ladies! I looked at flylady and keeping the home, which linked me to some other resources. I am putting together my "Household Management Book", which is making me feel a LOT more at ease!

Thanks again!

**miss_thrifty** · 09-18-2006, 09:23 AM

i make myself a list of what i would like to get finished on each day, but dont totally stress out if some dont get done, on the list. I like and orderally house, and clean but sometimes it aint going to be that wya, we all have to make time for curcumstances that may happen or make time for ourselfs and famly. Thind just happen that way. Done fret about it, or ull not sleep good. Lifes too short.

**Braque68** · 09-18-2006, 01:18 PM

For the first time in 6 years, both my kids are in school all day and now have till 2:15pm to myself. I can totally relate to your anxiety b/c I am worried that I will be bored being at home. So I set myself some goals and also, I am trying to get back into portrait painting again too. I have no excuses this time, no kids to keep me distracted. I have a room for my studio and an easel and supplies. But you can definitely let the day zoom on by. Also, I don't want to have to clean every day either or that would really be boring, for me anyway.

After the kids are on their buses, I have my breakfast and decide on what I am going to do for the day. And of course, it is v. easy to go and shop but I don't want to do that either.

So definitely have a list ready so that you are not tempted to go and shop out of boredom. Also, meet up with other sahms too. Also, I am going to take a walk 1-3 times a week depending on weather and I think this should be scheduled in too so that gives you a reason to leave the house and it's free and healthy too.

I have meal planned for 2 weeks at a time so that I am not shopping all the time -this definitely has saved us money and gas.

Enjoy this time. I am and if some days I go back to bed for a nap -so be it!

thanks for listening.

Sue

**northernmom2boys** · 09-18-2006, 01:39 PM

I hope you have a wonderful time staying at home.I have been fortunate to stay home with my two boys.They are both in school full time ,the only thing I cannot stand is people asking me ''what do you do all day all alone?
''oh my you must get bored all day all alone'' I feel like saying to them come on over during the day and I will show you boring lol
Michelle

**kabin63** · 09-18-2006, 01:49 PM

I have been a stay at home for a few years now. At first I didi get bored, but then we started this remodel and now I have to carve out time for myself. It's always a little here and a little there. I find I do best if I schedule thngs out too. I also walk all throughout the school year with my neighbor, in the a.m. when girls are at school. It helps me get motivated, especially when I am feeling less than motivated to begin with.
Hang in there. You just have to be self disciplined and being in the military teaches you that. I think you will be ok.

**Emjo** · 09-18-2006, 03:15 PM

I don't really have a set schedule, but my days pretty much go like this:

-wake up with DS, feed&change him
-work on housework while DS watches from his jolly jumper
-play with DS
-feed & change DS, put him down for his nap
-have a shower, eat something while puttering around online
-more housework & playing with/feeding/changing DS
-watch a little TV
-get dinner on
-do dinner dishes, hang out with DH and DS until bed

It works for us! My big key is starting with housework right away; if I go straight to the computer then I waste a lot of time!

**ironmaiden** · 09-19-2006, 05:41 PM

Just think. It's a new job. So of course it is going to take adjusting to. The hardest part for me was lack of grownups to talk to. At work, you have this built-in network of people you know, you talk, eat lunch with etc. Now your on your own.