How do you get your kids to live frugally?

**cas519** · 10-19-2006, 01:03 PM

I've never been a spendthrift but I've tried to give my ds 10yrs old a comfortable life. He's an only child and I always felt that that should come with some privileges. But due to an illness in the family my income has been reduced. I keep trying to get him to understand that I can't afford to do the things that I used to. I want him to realize that I need to be very careful now with my money. But he doesn't seem to get it. Last week he asked if I could treat him and some friends to the movies?

I've tried scare tactics, like telling him we could end up homeless if I'm not careful. That just made him worry about me, because he knows he can go live with his dad. I would just be satisfied if he turned off the lights when he left a room. I never thought I was spoiling him, but now I'm not so sure.

What do the rest of you do?

**LastDragonfly** · 10-19-2006, 01:12 PM

What about rewarding him for frugal actions? Extra computer time or possibly a later bedtime once. Something like that.

Maybe a little twisted reality check is in order. Turn the breaker switch off in his room or the t.v. room. for the weekend. Remind him that it is his responsibilty too to conserve energy.

I don't know the right answer for you, but your options are many. Good luck and best wishes.

**Mojjo** · 10-19-2006, 01:17 PM

First, I am really trying to do this too...with both my boys.

I find the best thing is to set the example. If they see me doing it then it should help. With the older one I set up a chart where he could earn brownie points by doing things within the home (shutting off lights, etc). Instead of a monetary reward I gave him other things (pic a family show for us to watch, favorite dinner, etc).

But the biggest thing was just to sit him down and explain that there is a finite amount of money and there are priorities so some of the extras/treats have to be saved for.

It's gotten to be a game for my youngest...he keeps asking if we have a coupon before we buy things.

**tervsforme** · 10-19-2006, 03:48 PM

If you feel comfortable with it, why don't you show him your budget. He is 10 yrs, old, he could comprehend that there is only X amount of money coming in and bills take up this amount of money and there is only so much left over.

**Neeley** · 10-19-2006, 03:54 PM

Here are a few things we do with our kids. I doubt they will work for everyone, but they seem to do well for us:

*Both kids know what our annual income is and bills are paid as a group. They are aware of the amount of money that comes into the house and where every penny goes. They both know how much we paid for our house, cars etc..
*They are not just given things. If there is something they want they have to save for it. DS has a PS2, Gamecube, Xbox, 2 of every version of the Gameboy, an older Sega system and well over 200 games. He and DD paid for 90% of these themselves.
*They love name brand clothing. Abrecrombie, Holister, Polo, American Eagle etc... But we do not buy these items new. The kids go to the thrift stores and get them all there. DS comes home and laughs at his friends who brag about paying $20-$80 for their shirts, jeans etc...They both love garage sales, too.
*Grocery shopping is another thing, they know the budget first off. One keeps the calculator while the other helps with getting the items on the list. They both are well aware the store brand is no different from the others, so go with the best price. We have taught them both the art of combining coupons with sales for stockpiling.
*I charge them a quarter everytime they leave lights or TVs on when they are not in use. I also charge a dollar if they run the dishwasher and it is not full.
Once they got an appreciation of the costs involved in everyday life, it has been much easier for them to understand why it is so important to try and save and conserve.

**kittyrose** · 10-19-2006, 05:09 PM

if you have enuff, and if there isnt a lot of kids, you could take them to an afternoon movie and the kids are responsible for their own treats...
i did this many a time... and so did alot of my friends... we treated the way in but the goodies the other children had to pay for... i snuck goodies in for us but if my children wanted to have any from the movie theater THEY had to pay for it with THEIR OWN MONEY... we didnt have it... and since my friend's children came from the same type of home life as ours, they understood... also, my children's friend's used to help us with our sunday papers and we used to pay them (we budgetted out of our check for help with the huge sunday paper)... their parents were happy bc their kids were learning a valuable lesson that nothing in life is free... and by them working for their own money and seeing how much those goodies really cost after working so hard (those sunday papers are huge), they were more than happy to take goodies from home or they shared popcorn and snuck in a bottle of soda or water or whatever their choice of drink was...
if money was really tight, i used get a $1 from each person (me included) get the super tub of popcorn and take lunch bags in the theater and share that way... there are free refills on the large tubs... so, i would go back and forth at least 3 times... but i didnt care, normally we were watching a movie that didnt cost much (afternoon value price) and it was something that i wasnt really interested in but i needed to be there bc of my children...
just a thought... i hope this helps...

**Daisygirl** · 10-19-2006, 06:14 PM

I did a reality check very similar to what Neeley does. I sat down with my oldest (11) one day when she was whining about wanting this and wanting that. We looked at my pay stubs for the month and I pulled up my account information online. Then I handed her the stack of bills, which unfortunately equalled more than the bank balance. I asked her what she would do. We sat down together and figured out what was the most important and the best way to prioritize the order in which we paid our bills. Since that time I have never had one problem with her asking too much. She now truly has a grasp on how much it costs to run a household.

When I buy something on sale for her, if she doesn't care for it, there is no problem with taking it back, but if she wants something more expensive she has to pay the difference herself. Generally she finds that it is not worthwhile. For example this winter she wanted a black coat with fur around the hood. I found a black coat on sale for under $20, but it had no fur. The one with the fake fur was $60. I told her that if she wanted the one with fur it would cost her $40 out of her bank account. Suddenly the fur was not that important.

**Mamaw** · 10-19-2006, 09:07 PM

Frankly, I STILL have that issue with my youngest and she is 24! I so very much wish I had been more frugal in her younger years and had done a better job of teaching her the value of a dollar. Even though she works and pays her own bills, she lives at home due to medical issues and is not good about turning items off, washing only full loads and not wanting to eat out, buy fast food and junk and the like. So whatever method works for you, I recommend you do it now and stick to it. Remember you are doing your child a favor in the long run! Good luck!

**Lisahas2cats** · 10-19-2006, 11:44 PM

DS is 16, and we've started giving him a monthly allowance of $100. He has to buy his own gas, pay for his own dates, and do all his "stuff" out of this money. It's been a reality check for him, and in the long run, a money saver for us because he isn't constantly coming to us with his hand out wanting money.

**Mumzy** · 10-20-2006, 07:33 AM

Originally Posted by cas519

Last week he asked if I could treat him and some friends to the movies?

What do the rest of you do?

I would start by example and compromise. Kids love Taco Bell. So I have learned how to cook tacos that tastes and hopefully are healthier than the real thing. So in your case there were many levels to suggest for next time he wants a movie. Try barter or borrowing from a friend that purchases all the new (you know the ones I am talking about) or library (free! free!) even renting a movie would keep you way ahead of the game. Make it fun, move the couch to be directly in front of the TV. Then have some pizza/popcorn at home. Or another way would go but let it be known that they need to purchase their own ticket. I would be willing to do that especially if I get out of having to sit through some of the movies that appeal to the 'tween'. What I am ultimately saying there is more than one way to do anything just get creative. You can do it. If you get stumped let us know everyone here always comes up with great ideas.

**Lorelei** · 10-20-2006, 07:50 AM

Cas,

It takes time to change habits. Keep up the education & modeling frugal behavior and he will come around. If you're not comfortable sharing your actual income/outgo figures with him you might do like I did with our kids and use hypothetical amounts for the income but actuals for the bills. You could ask him how much he thinks would be enough money for the bills. He might say, "1000" and you could point out that 1000 only covers the rent, or the rent plus electric or whatever. He'll eventually understand. You just need to stand firm on what you can and cannot afford, and as others have said, become creative in having fun with less money.

**cas519** · 10-20-2006, 09:36 AM

Thanks everyone. These are all great ideas. I will try them and see which ones work. Thanks again.

**frugalnana** · 10-21-2006, 10:22 AM

Allot of the ladies have given some really good examples. When I was a single parent the boys knew that we just didn't have the money for extras. So I learned to be creative. The boys could have the can money (Saving the aluminum cans and cashing them in) from me and grandparents. They could decide to rent a game or a movie or they could go to the $1 matinee on saturdays. As they got older, I would take requests for movies and go get them and make popcorn or nachos, each could have two friends each to stay the night. Sometimes I wanted to pull my hair out, but now I am so glad I did all those things. His friends treat me like a second mom, if they are over here and I just got back from the store they all come out and get the bags. Same with yard work, if I'm outside and they drop by, they all pitch in.

I just basically explained to my boys what I made and what went out. When we went to the store and they wanted something that was to expensive we compromised on something lesser. Each one had to help with doing dishes, laundry, yard work etc. Each is frugal in his own way. Each had a chart on the fridge for special rewards. But it wasn't easy, even when you don't have extras to spend you still have to remind them once in awhile.

**Lori Biever-Launder** · 10-22-2006, 02:23 AM

Fortunately, my DSs know not to ask for a lot. They get money to spend (5.00 a week) on whatever they want. If they don't do their chores, they don't get the cash. They know that we only eat out with coupons (most of the time!) and that I buy 90 % of food, etc. on sale/with a coupon or BOTH. When they want candy/ice cream or some other junk food, I always check the sale fliers and see if I have a coupon for those. This way, I can show them how much further their $ goes (even for junk food) and they will continue this good habit when they are grown.

My boys are like me--they don't care WHAT brand of clothing they wear. if they want something beyond thrift store/WalMart, then I will give them the same amount of $ towards their purchase, but they must make up the difference. Boy, WalMart jeans are FINE when they see they will have to fork over another 20 or so dollars to get just another pair of jeans that happen to have a cool name on the butt!

**malice** · 10-22-2006, 06:14 AM

I don't have much to offer for introducing frugality to a kid, as I've been living this way since my daughter was born (I was 16!) but now that she's older I have a couple of things I do.
First off, we don't have cable tv. It's sooo refreshing. We got rid of it when she was three, and the constant "Can I have..?" stopped. It's so much easier to be thankful for what you have when you don't see new things flashed in front of you constantly (true for both her and I). I also take her grocery shopping with me sometimes, and tell her if there's money left over from the shopping we can go get a small treat for ourselves for being such good shoppers.
To her, the biggest treat in the world is having a friend sleep over. About once a month I invite her bestfriend over for a sleepover. I either bake cookies, or make popcorn and let them watch movies, stay up later than usual and just spend time together outside of school.
I also download free games from the internet for her to play on the computer, and borrow/trade movies with her friends mom so she has something "new" to watch every once in awhile.
If you have a freecycle in your area, you could consider joining. I often get books and toys. My daughter considers them just as good as new ones, and the best part is, she doesn't have to wait for me to get through the bazillion twist ties that hold the new toys in their boxes before she can play with them

I also make it clear we don't have to go and get everything we want, and I try to show that through my actions as well as explaining to her why I'm doing something - "I'm knitting new washcloths because I already have this nice yarn, so it would be silly to go buy some" etc.
My daughter is only seven, so these ideas might not work for a ten year old at all, but hopefully they'll trigger something that is usable for you.