An update on us

**littlemotherhaywood** · 10-22-2006, 11:27 AM

I can't say it's good or bad or otherwise. It just is what it is. Even though I'm not pleased with the outcome of things, I know that's what will be best for our family. After another round of talking to our creditors and trying to explain our situation, we got no help or sympathy (except one csr who's been in our shoes, but couldn't do anything, just offered sympathy). After years of being current on everything one by one we had gone late and one by one the interest rates were raised to over 30% just like that. I never thought anything could happen so fast, but they are sharks through and through. One more consumer counseling agency that couldn't help us and three attorneys that, of course, said they couldn't see how we have any choice in the matter. Our monthly payment for everything went from $900 a month to $3000 a month and no one wants to budge. Please make a payment of over $500 first and then we'll think about it was what we got from them. Even the mortgage company told us they wouldn't accept anything but a full payment and locked us out of their payment system. So it's official that we'll be filing BK. Obviously our filing is not entirely from all of the above, that was just the icing on the cake. We have a few things we have to reaffirm and I've put those in my signature.

I've been reading the Dave Ramsey book that Kathy sent me (thank you again Kathy) and I'm ready to really make the best of a new start for my family. I've been plugging everything we spend into the budgeting software that came with our cpu all those years ago. I've decided the last place I'm going to look when we need something is the store. I'm determined to eliminate debt from our lives forever. I just want to say that I have learned so much from the mistakes we've made and the best thing I can do now is move on, hold my head high, and put my family in a position to be prepared for the stuff we've never been prepared for. If another job loss comes our way, the car breaks down, there's a medical emergency, etc....I want to be as prepared as we can be. I never want to have to rely on credit for anything (with the exception of perhaps a mortgage) again. I can't help but feel stupid about so many things, but I'm working on forgiving myself and I put a special quote in my signature to remind me and everyone else as well.

Thank you wonderful ladies here for all of your support (which overwhelmed me when I first explained how bad things were for us), advice, and warmth I've found here.

**Darlene** · 10-22-2006, 11:35 AM

Cheering you on as you make those positive changes. You are going to come out the other side wiser and much happier. Wishing you the best.

**Shellshome** · 10-22-2006, 11:40 AM

I am sorry that you are going thru this but you have to do what is best for your family. Can you try to sell the house that you have a mortage on? Do you own a house now? I know you moved to another state for dh and job. But was wondering about if you can sell either home to help out?

I know things look bleak right now but it will get better and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Belive me it is there.

Dh and I were in a similar situation and now that I have gotten a job we plan to pay all bills current stay current and work on saving as much as we can. It will be hard but we can do it we know we can. We want all bills current before the 1st of the year.

Good luck and keep us posted on how you and your family are doing.

You are not alone in this so if you need to vent or just talk remeber we are all here for you.

**littlemotherhaywood** · 10-22-2006, 12:09 PM

Thank you. Unfortunately, we have to surrender the house. We did have a family move in to rent, but since we're 700 miles away we can't manage the repairs or enforce the rent and they have proven unreliable. I wish we could sell the house but after the fees involved (sans a realtor) we wouldn't make anything on it and there are 450 other homes for sale in the community. The house is worth less than we bought it for despite all of the repairs we made. I wish that circumstance was different. I loved that house and we put a lot of work into it. It doesn't seem fair to "lose" it this way, but I understand why it's happening the way it is

We only lived there for almost three years. We're renting right now. The situation is not ideal as our landlord is rather flaky (her circumstances don't appear much better than ours to put it nicely) and our lease is up in February. She already informed me she'll raise the rent at that time if we want to renew. I told her we'd really like to stay till June so our dd can stay in the same school and I'm afraid she'll figure out we'll be forced to pay her increase to do that. If it's only $100 I could manage that I suppose, but I just found out she hasn't been paying her home owners fees and owes over $2000 due now and I have a feeling she's going to try to recoup that by raising the rent like $300 or something. I doubt she'd be able to rent it for that considering the lack of maintenance on the property. I just have no idea if we'll be able to move at that time or not. I'm looking now though and as soon as get through this bk we're going to put away enough for a deposit on a new place. According to our lease, we only have to give thirty days notice regardless of the term so if something comes along, I'm going to jump on it. I hate letting someone else have that kind of control over a situation in my life.

I'm so irked right now. We could save up to $300 by moving into the city of Memphis, but the schools are pretty bad compared to the exceptional school my dd's in right now. She's academically gifted and requires "special" attention if you kwim. Her current school has been great about that. In the city schools she would be in the minority for sure and I doubt she'd get much attention. I feel awful thinking this way, but that's a lot of money or at least it could be. Of course we could potentially end up in an unsafe area and moving into the city would make it impossible for dh to bike to work. So many factors to consider I guess.

**emily_hope** · 10-22-2006, 12:22 PM

Bless you. I am sending (((HUGS))) and good thoughts your way. I know it seems like you are in a deep hole and you are really stuggling to get a hold on climbing out. It will all work out. The saying my Mother always says, "This too shall pass." Sometimes it does not pass as quickly as we want, but it does pass. You will be a different person when you reach the other side... wiser and happier.

**Telephus44** · 10-22-2006, 04:06 PM

I just wanted to send my thoughts and prayers your way - this must be a hard pill for your to swallow. Hopefully starting with a clean slate (whenever it happens) will be the beginning of better fortunes.

**tbs727** · 10-22-2006, 04:06 PM

Hugs to you. I know what a difficult decision this is, but it sounds like you are doing what is best for your family. Remember, you can and will recover from bankruptcy, and once you get that discharge letter in your hands, you will breath easier.

**ohsandohs** · 10-22-2006, 06:38 PM

Kimberly,

I'm sending lots of hugs and prayers for your family. We were in a very tough financial situation in 1998 and went to Consumer Credit Counseling. We had a repayment plan set up and paid off considerable debt within four years. You mentioned that you had been to three credit counseling agencies, but I want to ask if you went to CCC, which is a non-profit agency. There are several consumer credit agencies out there, but they aren't set up to help the consumer (although that's how they hook customers). They are set up to profit off of consumers who have made mistakes. CCC is the only truly legitimate agency for consumers in trouble that I have ever heard of.

If you haven't yet declared BK and if you haven't talked with somebody from CCC, please, PLEASE give yourself the chance to talk with them. Yes, the numbers are high and the circumstances are emotionally devastating right now, but if CCC can help you, you will be better off in the long run with them than with a BK.

You've given us all a gift by being so real and honest about what you are going through. Many of us have challenges like yours that we are afraid to post, but people like you who lay out the absolute truth make it okay for others to do the same and to embrace the search for solutions. Thanks so much for sharing and know that we pray for you and appreciate you.

We all make mistakes. Some of us make them with money, some with relationships, some with addictions. There's no judgment at all from me, a VERY fallible human being, because all we can do in any given moment is the best that we are capable of, in that moment. On that note, I love your signature!

God bless you and your family. Keep the faith. You WILL get through this.

Blessings,

Michelle

**autumnlynn** · 10-22-2006, 07:11 PM

I'm so sorry your family is going through such a hard time. You have done everything you can to get out of the situation. I think sometimes a person needs a clean slate when they've tried everything else. Even Dave Ramsey went bankrupt before. I know this is very difficult. I will be saying prayers for you and your family.

**Michelle68** · 10-22-2006, 07:40 PM

Lots of hugs to you Kimberly. I've been wondering how y'all are doing and what you decided to do. As someone else said, perhaps this clean slate will help you to start anew. Keep us posted on how everything goes.

--Michelle

**auntie2many** · 10-22-2006, 07:46 PM

(((Kimberly))) I pray for you often and am always looking forward to updates from you. We are all here for you.

auntie

**Goodwin17** · 10-22-2006, 11:54 PM

Sending you many hugs. Keep your chin up, and continue to stay strong. I'll be thinking of you.

**kabin63** · 10-23-2006, 08:55 AM

Kimberly,
If you have done all that you can do, then do what you have to. There's no judgement from me. I'm sorry it has come down to this for you, but I know a lot of people that have had to do this. Sometimes, the creditors just don't want to work with people. What I find facinating is that once you get things under control, whether through BK or CCC, or any other program, the stupid companies start sending you offers for more credit. (Don't fall for it) My favorite thing to do with those offers is to start a fire. Literally.
I hope it all works out for you. The biggest thing is to not let it come between you and your Dh. There is light at the end of the tunnel. And when you get through it you will be stronger and wiser and happier for having gone thorugh the fire and surviving it.
You're welcome on the books.

**celina** · 10-23-2006, 09:06 AM

THIS IS THE COPY OF MY FIRST POST..THE QUESTION WAS ..WHAT DID IT TAKE FOR YOU TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM..

this is my first post....

well...my mother is the queen of frugality!! my father was NOT...they have been seperated since my birth...

he showed me love by buying things....i treated it as such...and to love "myself " spoilt myself

i met dh when i was 15 and he 17, he both lived at home for the first 5 yrs of our relationship...we worked insane hours in high school and both held down FULL TIME JOBS during college...yes DURING the school yr, i mananged to save 0$ in that time and had lots of fun, he saved enough to pay his education..so my money was our fun money (my dad pd my education as part of divorce since he barely paid any child support)

then we bought a business and a duplex in the same month and got married....lost money yr after yr on business and duplex was staying afloat...dh was still in school...he finished got a great job....got nailed with huge income tax bill.....

so many many loans and credit card bills, another house later, a couple bad tenants in the duplex that cost us thousands of dollars...and 2 kids later....and 8 yrs after we lived together...oct 2004!

we had the knife at our throats financially, just surviving...and that is completely maxed out...consolidated to our max......we get a letter from our bank...they pay our property taxes 2000/yr where we lived for a run down house..criminal if you ask me....and the amt is included in our mortgage payment...well they made an error (that i would have noticed had i been plugged into my finances) and had been only collecting 1000/yr from us for almost 2 yrs and that our mortgage payment would go up by 290/month...we didnt have that!!! so we had called a bankruptcy trustee the yr before and decided to yet again consolidate..but not changing our habits so didnt fix anything...we called again and we were taking the week to think on it...

another letter....housing insurance company, the cement stairs in the back had to be redone in the next 4 weeks or they pull our insurance....well i had a home daycare and its very hard in canada to get ins in you have one...and i was on my 4th carrier....and i had an estimate done for that in the spring....by someone else..1000$, if we did it ourselves 600$....i didnt have that...and we took that as a sign ....

we did great through it all, no harm done except to our pride...

in canada the laws are diff, we lost car and house...but we're able to get lease on car with co signer...(we lived 40min from groceries..even moving to a rental) we got to keep all the STUFF like washer dryer furniture computer that was on credit....

and we'll be able to get a house in 2 yrs if we save up 10.000 (in our plan we'll have 30000 then and pd off our car) ****ACTUALLY WE BOUGHT A HOUSE THIS SUMMER SO IT WAS 11 MONTHS AFTER OUR BANKRUPTCY DISCHARGE AND WE HAD MONEY FROM DH'S SEVERANCE PACKAGE*******

they treat bankruptcy, your first as a second chance here...we were paying for OLD mistakes, tenant mistakes and creditors charging 32% interest making things unbearable, not so easy 2nd time....and you can be refused...we got counselling, required and had to hand in budget over 9 months...and had to pay a monthly fee over 9 months....

so we never got the wakeup call.....we got a second chance and IM NOT GONNA SQUANDER IT!!! im making the most of it ...and enjoy the simple things that we are rediscovering...

SUCKS TO DO, BUT IF YOU TREAT IT AS A SECOND CHANCE AND CHERISH WHAT YOU CAN, IF DH AND YOU DONT BLAME EACH OTHER.....YOU'LL SURVIVE AND LEARN AND DO BETTER.....

GOOD LUCK...

**littlemotherhaywood** · 10-23-2006, 09:37 AM

Thank you Celina for sharing your story with me. I do believe this is a second chance, but I'm still very scared for my dh and our marriage right now. That's a post for another topic though

Thank you ladies for all of your support. I'm so glad that I came out and explained our situation truthfully. I really do hope that it helps others who are afraid as well as I was afraid. I was afraid that I would be shunned and it's still going to take a while for me to accept what has happened. It's so hard to not compare yourself to others. There are so many strong women here who have overcome some amazing circumstances and compared to all of that, this feels too easy if you kwim. I absolutely will not blow this second chance we've been given. We are doing this for our family so that our kids can have the necessities they need and so that we can all be healthy again. I've been stressed for so long that I don't know what it feels like to breathe easy and just relax. I've gained weight and I've had stomach problems for a year and a half now despite having my surgery. I think it all comes down to this. I just can't sleep anymore without resolving this situation to a point where we feel safe. I pray that the other issues in our life will resolve now too