Being frugal SHOULD be law-Longish

**Sheila Q** · 10-23-2006, 12:12 PM

Geesh trying to keep up with the Jones can make you poor. I have a cousin that I love dearly but my God her*lifestyle* is something. She was married for many years and became divorced she hooked up with some guy who drinks heavily and verbally abuses her so to make a LONG story short I had to stay over her house with her Friday night bc they were fighting and my cousin was a mess. Go to bed so nice all the beauties of a beautiful bedroom. Sink into her bed nice and comfy pull up comforter remark how cozy room is and bang she tells me that it is a gulp $800.00 Down comforter and a gulp the duvay(sp?) for it was a steal for $200.00. Now I am afraid to move in this bed. We wake up 2 hrs later we were up all night with her crying and she makes us coffee and she freshly grinds the beans etc etc. So I am still trying to absorb the comforter thing and she goes on and on about this thing and that she has where she bought it and she needs to go spend money it makes her happy. After all her bragging she tells me she had to do a bankruptcy and all her credit cards that she managed to keep after the fact are maxed and she is on limited time in her apartment. She got laid off so she is getting unemployment and my other cousin her sister has let her watch her twin babies to give my cousin more money. She makes more with unemployment and the babysitting then she did working full time but she can't make it. She has tapped into her cd and everything. So I tell her I will bring over my Tightward book I get a look of "yeah right" and she proceeds to tell me she won't use store brands etc etc. What??? I didn't even get a chance to say anything before that flew out of her mouth. So my cousin has all the beauty for her home but she is broke broke broke. How is it nice to have these things knowing your in debt up to your butt. What a piece of work. Then she has the nerve to ask me why I have pets they are expensive and you can go into debt for them. Maybe perhaps it is me............

**littlemotherhaywood** · 10-23-2006, 12:32 PM

I know a lot of people like that. One thing I can say is that deep down, my roots are frugal. I don't think my mother ever even bought me a new blanket. I could never spend that kind of money, even if I had it. It's seem like such a waste. I would rather donate it to a good cause than put it on my bed

**Cricket1** · 10-23-2006, 12:38 PM

I think that people that have the best of everything are truly miserable. Why else do they need all of that "stuff", but to show people how "happy" they are and how "wonderful" their lives are! Think of how happy we are to find a bargain at Goodwill!!!

It's kind of like going out to dinner with a couple that can't keep their hands off of each other and finding out that their relationship is so insecure it's unhealthy.

BTW--I see that you're waiting for a child from China. Both of my boys were adopted from Korea!! Congratulations and good luck--that's so exciting. My friend (originally from RI) has a daughter from China--she's adorable.

**yankeegal** · 10-23-2006, 01:13 PM

I think everyone knows someone like this...they usually have to hit "rock-bottom" before they get it, and some never do. Sad.

**pammy** · 10-23-2006, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by yankeegal

I think everyone knows someone like this...they usually have to hit "rock-bottom" before they get it, and some never do. Sad.

So true, so true

**ewokgirl** · 10-23-2006, 01:41 PM

That's sad. It sounds like she's deeply unhappy, and spending money is the only thing she can think of to (temporarily) make her feel better. My ex-SIL was like this. She and BIL were in so much debt because she kept having to buy bigger and better things to try to make her more happy. She finally decided that not being married anymore would make her happy. She completely ripped our poor niece's world apart in an attempt to find happiness.

I hope your cousin will fix the underlying problem soon, because spending money and going into debt will never do it!

**Nada.Leona** · 10-23-2006, 07:12 PM

Some people's children (or cousins in this instance

). I try to be frugal, very hard, but we all fall off the wagon. Problem is it looks like this lady never WAS on the wagon. Oh well, when she's bankrupt, you can sit back in your (second hand) lounger and listen to her sob stories and you sip tea (that you got for $0.12 with a coupon) out of your beautiful (thrift store) mugs, and she can marvel about how happy you are, and how healthy your pets are.

Trust me, I wouldn't be able to get over an $800.00 comforter either. Goddess, that's almost double my rent!!!

**kabin63** · 10-23-2006, 10:37 PM

Next time you see her, I don't mean to offend, but when she is sobbing her sob story, hold a mirror in front of her face. Tell her that she is the one that got herself there and she is the one to get herself out. I would have thought bankruptcy was bottom first time around.

**i.m.cheap** · 10-28-2006, 09:15 AM

I think we have all known people like this. I used to know a woman that would moan about the fact that she hated working and wished she could stay home with her son, but she and her husband always both drove brand new cars, she would go to the "day spa" and spend $200 getting a haircut, facial, massage, etc. Had her nails done every week, ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner out nearly every day, dressed her husband and son in Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren, had her three year old in private dance and music lessons, two cell phones, her son (age 3) had a TV and DVD player in his bedroom, I could go on and on. She just didn't understand how anyone could survive without two incomes.

**emily_hope** · 10-28-2006, 10:13 AM

I have a friend that is like that. It seems as though she shops because it makes her happy, but yet she is never satisfied. She is always wanting something else. Another car. Another house. Another piece of furniture. More clothes. And I am sure they are in debt, debt, debt.

**peanut** · 10-28-2006, 11:46 AM

I see a lot of depressed people spending money. Bipolar patients are bad at handling money in general too. I speak from sad experience on that one...I know at least 4 bipolar people, all having problems with money. They tie money expenditure to their moods. What they need to do is think of alternative frugal ways to be nice to themselves and nurture themselves. That's why I always liked the frugal luxury threads we posted on this board.

I know what you mean though. I have a sister or two who think that being frugal is a dirty word. The funny thing is, when you inquire into their own lives, they are frugal in their own ways...like your cousin getting the $800 duvet for $200. They just have an expensive lifestyle.

The other posters are right, these people are often very unhappy in their personal lives. Some spend on things, some spend on experiences. If you have tons of things to do or handle, then you don't have time to think about how unhappy you are. I've been guilty of using that technique myself. Now I know better. I talk to people rather than let myself slide into a depression. And I make sure to nurture myself daily...in a frugal way.

Sometimes it's a good thing we meet and talk to these people. They show us how bad it could be, and remind us of why we're on this frugal journey together. I feel very sad for your cousin, but she really is the only person who can get herself out of the mess she's in. Kudos to you for being such a good listener.

**FrugalWitch** · 10-28-2006, 12:46 PM

I've known quite a few people like your cousin. Usually the more someone brags about what they have, the more likely it is that it is not paid for. Most secure (financially and otherwise) people feel no need to brag. Just my observation.

FrugalWitch

**ironmaiden** · 10-28-2006, 05:33 PM

My sister. She's been bankrupt once. Is probably bipolar.

She called me the other day to say that she bought my son a winter coat and snowpants. I told her he already had a winter coat and 2 pairs of snowpants. She said that she doesn't return things.

Her apartment is FILLED like there are tiny little pathways through it. Think stuff city. And some in unopened boxes - like a bagel maker. She was getting DAILY deliveries for a year or two. QVC shopper bigtime - even though she lived within a mile of every store you could think of.

She bought us tickets to see Barbra Streisand in concert (last weekend) - my 40th birthday present from her and we saw Paul McCartney a few years ago for my other sister's birthday.

My kids are from Korea

**babetteq** · 10-28-2006, 06:25 PM

It's really sad. It seems to be the way people are now though. Most poeple anyway buy buy buy and for nothing... not because they need things, not even because they particularly want things but simply because it's what they do.

It's almost like our cities are so full of so much unhappiness that the only thing people can do is to buy cr*p to fill up their empty lives. Of course it doesn't work.... it's screwed up priorities and screwed up values and it never makes anyone happy.... yet they can't get off the wheel. I think it's a case of drinking your own bathwater, so to speak.

It takes courage and strength and hard work to do what makes you happy, and to do what feeds your spirit. People talk about 'self-care' and then proceed to talk about scented baths, candles, eating out..... Really, self-care is making sure you get enough excercise, eating right, getting out of, or fixing a bad relationship, taking work that inspires you-even at a loss, keeping on top of the laundry, saying no to your children/partner, and connecting with your spirituality (fill in your own blanks)..... but we've really become a society of quick fixes and lazy minds. If we're not happy right away then *poof* buy something, take a pill, have a drink. Life is work. A happy life is productive and follows your values. I'm just as guilty as any.... although I like to think I have a bit of insight at least...

But nope...... we need plastic cr*p from WalMart to fill the holes in our spirits. When...and How... did this happen to us? ...and why do we let it?

Babs