Well, it looks like this is where things stand

**littlemotherhaywood** · 11-01-2006, 05:51 PM

I'm so grateful to you wonderful ladies here for your support and advice. I've really learned a lot and I'm afraid I haven't offered much. I've been very self-absorbed lately and honestly, I haven't had a lot to contribute. I'm in the worst financial situation I've ever been in and I have a lot of emotions to deal with right now. With that said, I hope I have something to offer here in the future other than vents

I've felt so comfortable coming here and a lot of what's been said has really helped me to put things in perspective.

I've been thinking of my dh and myself as a team, but we're not really working that way right now. Of course I still want to do the counseling, but it's going to take some time before we can get in to do that. Dh conceded that the rest of his painting money can go to our EF. I figured that's at least a step in the right direction. I don't foresee him seeing the value of being debt free. Payments have become such a way of life, I think the idea scares him. Seemingly so does money in the bank. Not quite sure why it needs to be spent, just seems that it does.

I know I have a long way to go with him and I have to be realistic here. If we can't resolve these issues, I may very well have to become the income earner for my family.

My college credits aren't worth much. They're outdated by seven years and I went to a specialty school so they don't transfer to a traditional school. I can still have them evaluated, but I don't expect much if anything. I've decided the best thing I can do is go back to school. How and where I don't know. Even what I don't know. It needs to be something that will give me a decent income to support my family if I need to. Right now I'm leaning towards nursing. I had planned on starting in the fall when we were still in Cleveland, but there were more options there including working for the Cleveland Clinic and getting my education paid for. As of right now if I went through the little community college here, it would take about three years to complete. I read DR's chapter about higher education and I understand completely about not taking out student loans. My dh is a shining example of that, but his circumstance is unique to him because of his behavior. I've been researching grants and scholarships and I think I could get some help. Perhaps not enough to cover all of it, but something is better than nothing. There is also an ROTC program here if I went to the four year university here. On the one hand, that kind of scares me, but I'm going to research it. I'm open to creating a brighter future for my family whether that includes my dh or not.

Dh has to go through a TEP to obtain his official licensure. It's possible he may need to take as many as seven classes to do that. I'm hoping not as it's $900 a class. I told him there were scholarships available for him if he was willing to do the work involved. $40 for a book of stamps is a lot cheaper than $6300. We won't find out until he fills out the application and they process his student records.

I haven't discussed this with dh, but in order to build that EF big enough to cover our summer expenses, we may need to keep his student loans in deferment for another six months. I hate to do that because the interest is just nasty, but I'm not sure there's an alternative. As of now they're supposed to be deferred until February, so technically I guess only three months. We get some sort of automatic deferment with the BK. As soon as he's done with his night classes, I'm going to apply to fedex. They have some decent paying evening positions, plus I anticipate I could get a full time job over the summer if I need to.

I signed the papers for the BK today making it official. I thought I would feel something but I just felt numb. It was like any other paper I've ever signed. Sign here to ruin your credit for life

One of the biggest decisions of my life and I couldn't feel a thing. The office ladies were so perky and pleasant and made everything so easy. Dh went down before his night class to sign so I guess they'll file sometime this week. Then that's it. From there we go to our 341, do our second counseling session, and close this chapter of our lives.

**bumplett** · 11-01-2006, 06:05 PM

-- I thought you may need one of these

**Shellshome** · 11-01-2006, 06:18 PM

Sounds like you have a plan I hope all works out for you and your family.

I am sorry you didn't feel anything when you signed the papers but maybe that isn't such a bad things since you have been dealing with this for so long.

does your dh understand all this and how it effects your family and your lives? I hope all works out for you thou.

Good luck

**Nada.Leona** · 11-01-2006, 06:53 PM

We're good listeners here at FV. Don't worry, we've all had our share of vents!

**JustJoy** · 11-01-2006, 07:56 PM

I understand about the *numb* feeling. I felt that way too when I filed for bankrupcy almost 10 years ago. It will finally be off my credit reports soon. Are you sure there is no other way? This will follow you around for a loooong time. {{HUGS}} It took me years to re-establish my credit. I had perfect credit until my bankrupcy. My situation sucked big time. I was living with a boyfriend and he would *borrow* my CC's to use without my consent. By the time all was said and done I was in over my head to the tune of more than 25K!

**Katybird** · 11-01-2006, 08:04 PM

and

for you Kimberly. We are all here for you. If you need to vent or just need a shoulder we are here for you.

**celina** · 11-01-2006, 08:06 PM

well i know in canada is different, we filed october 2004, june 2006 we bought a house....so dont worry too much of it being for life.....

if its what you needed to do to breath you did it...its by NO means the easy way out..and yeah we get hit with it some times...but thus is life and you role with it

**OzFreeBird** · 11-01-2006, 08:30 PM

You have been grieving over the issue of bankruptcy for some time, and had already accepted it and let go, so that is probably why you didn't feel anything except numbness, its the same as when you lose someone close to you through a long and/or debilitating illness, or through dementia, you've already said your goodbyes and grieved for them for a long time, so the final chapter doesn't have quite the same impact as a sudden, unexpected situation.

The very very best of luck for your new future, you are an amazing person

**yankeegal** · 11-01-2006, 08:45 PM

just wanted to offer support to you...you are in my thoughts and prayers.

**suzysaver** · 11-01-2006, 09:33 PM

You really seem to be thinking things threw and we all wish you the best of luck and a fresh start. This site is all about support and people who understand, we all have different problems and come here for an understanding shoulder to cry on and a much needed pat on the back. Sometimes I look for inspiration and sometimes just a giggle helps. Your going threw a very hard time Kimberly and we are here for you to vent and down the road you will have inspiration and success stories to share with us.
Good luck to you and your family.

**Cricket1** · 11-01-2006, 10:03 PM

I know this isn't the glamourous route into nursing, but here in NH if you start as a nurse's aide, the state will pay for your CNA class if you work in a long term care facility for 6 months. There are also some nursing homes that will offer the class for free. Then, those same places offer tuition reimbursement for those who are pursuing an RN or LPN. That may be an alternative to paying for school.

I would look at the bankruptcy as a new beginning. Wipe the slate clean--no need to beat yourself up over anything. This is a fresh start to saving for your future and beginning a new way of life.

I think you are smart in considering that you may, infact, be the sole provider for your family. Even if you and dh stay together, that frame of mind will be beneficial to you.

**emily_hope** · 11-01-2006, 10:06 PM

You are going through a tough time. (((HUGS))) for you. I hope everything works out for you. You seem to be brainstorming and coming up with a plan. I think your future looks bright!

**kittyrose** · 11-01-2006, 11:14 PM

kimberly...
(((hugs))) to you and your family... i wish the very best for you...
i too am looking into bankruptcy... dh is still waiting on his disability...
and now he is in the hospital for his 3rd amputation in 9 months...

i know you probably feeling blah at this moment, but you are young and you can bounce back from this... like one of the posters here said, think of this as a new slate...

as far as the nursing career, that is a wonderful thing!... there should be a teaching hospital near you... we have them here in central florida... basically, you sign a contract with the hospital where you work for them and they help pay for your schooling... when i was thinking of becoming a nurse, i had looked into this... also, if you can, check out the nursing services where you can travel... they get excellent pay and you and your family can travel...

i am sure everything will start to look up for you and your family...

again, (((hugs)))...

**Daydream Believer** · 11-02-2006, 12:24 AM

Try not to be so hard on yourself over the BK. We had to go through with a Chapter 13 in 2002, which was discharged in Oct 2005.. Broke a leg (compound fracture) which kept me on crutches and off work for over 7 months w/o any type of disability insurance. Instead of looking to frugality then, we just maxed out cc to keep up with expenses and got in way over our heads.
Anyway, we were able to make a fresh start and learned from the past. Now, only one year after the discharge, we were able to buy a newer 2004 vehicle (@ 6.5% interest) and we are in the process of building a new home with a much lower interest rate than our current mortgage.
So even though the BK is on our credit report and will be for awhile yet, we were still able to obtain loans at a decent rate.