The Big Chat w/ DH

**wanderlusting** · 12-01-2006, 12:44 PM

Kind of scared here....this is the first thread I've started. Well....after reading the forums for a few months, I decided my life needs a change. DH and I don't have kids so any money we make is pretty much for bills and leftovers are our "fun" money. But because of that we don't have money socked away for a down payment on a house or EF.

So I told DH that on Sunday we're sitting down together to go through our bank and credit card statements. Weed out services we no longer need and try to get a budget down. The only thing is that DH doesn't feel we need to live more frugally. So I have a feeling Sunday will be a bit of a battle.

Some things I want to outline are having an allowance of fun money, that yes, that $4 cup of coffee once a week adds up and we need to be aware of each other's financial goals.

So if anyone out there has a any pointers, please post them!

Thank you!

**ironmaiden** · 12-01-2006, 01:02 PM

Read Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robbins.
Better yet, give it to him as a Christmas present.

When I was single I had 3 bank accounts. Checkbook for bills, a savings account for growing money with NO ATM cards, and a fun money account that had an ATM card attached to it. I could spend whatever I wanted to out of the fun money account using that ATM card whenever. If there was no money in it, I was obviously cut off. This way I didn't have to think about blowing money or blowing my savings. The savings grew happily away from my greedy hands.

The key is to not make it seem restrictive - like a crash diet. They don't last. Turn it into a way of life - better eating - instead.

And guys tend to rebel when they feel they are losing their "independence" by having to answer for their actions or have their actions questioned. So whether he decides to spend his money on Starbucks, CD's, books, lunch out or hold onto it until there is a chunk to blow, is not for you judge. Your goal as a couple is to come up with an amount for him to do as he wishes that also allows the team to save for your goals.

And what is the timeline on buying a house and how much would you like to have saved by then? There's the we'll by a house "someday" versus "spring of 2008".

**pecunierrant** · 12-01-2006, 01:35 PM

Highlight shared goals and how you both might atain them together. Try to let him come up with ideas, he might be more receptive if he has valued input.

Good luck!

**MOMMYDEAREST** · 12-01-2006, 03:52 PM

good luck honey.......it will all work out. i will keep you in my prayers!!!

**redmaples** · 12-01-2006, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by pecunierrant

Highlight shared goals and how you both might atain them together. Try to let him come up with ideas, he might be more receptive if he has valued input.

Good luck!

I agree that this is a good way to approach the money management issue.

**Telephus44** · 12-01-2006, 10:18 PM

I agree with everyone who has mentioned making sure that you have common goals. If you want to save up for a down payment to buy a house, and homeownership isn't important to him, it will be fighting a losing battle. If you both know what you're saving towards, it makes actually saving that much easier.

**nwmissourigal** · 12-01-2006, 11:30 PM

Commuication with you dh is the key. You both have to be on board with most of the same goals. My dh and I were at odds for a long time on how money should be sent. He is way more frugal than I and is never wanted to spend a dime on anything. But now after alot of work we are on the same page and doing so much better. We just kept talking to each other and lastly you don't want to fell deprived of anything, but there is so much you can do without cost any money. Good luck...Kathy

**wanderlusting** · 12-02-2006, 07:23 AM

Thank you Ironmaiden for the pointers. I like the idea of having seperate accounts. We're looking to buy a house when we go back stateside. So hopefully that won't be for another 3-4 years. It's hard to plan because the military decides where we go next and that may be someplace expensive like California and Maryland or inexpensive like Texas or Idaho. I'm just going to try and sock away as much as I can for now.

Ironmaiden-you're also right about the "crash diet" I think in the past (without discussing w/ DH) I've just tried to restrict him to the point where he would just go out and buy what he wanted anyways.

Thank you everyone else for your pointers and well wishes. Thank goodness I have this forum for inspiration!

**Nantahala** · 12-02-2006, 08:45 AM

My DH were in the same boat when we got started and now we are doing much better. Now is definitely the time to get started.

**FarmerSue** · 12-02-2006, 02:55 PM

Oh boy, I WISH I was in your shoes. Young, newly married, the potential is endless! You have no kids that can suck your finances dry if you let them! As far as being able to save and save HARD now is the time. So many of us on here are trying to save and are also supporting families with kids, some even with grandkids. We look fondly back on the kidless years and wonder what the heck we did with our money! I know we do. Your in a great position for saving, take advantage of it!

**wanderlusting** · 12-03-2006, 01:27 PM

Well..the talk went better than I had hoped. Turns out that DH was doing his own budget/savings plan but he didn't let me know about it! So we sat down and talked about where our money is going and how much we need to set aside.

His income covers his two cc bills, Jeep loan, household utilites and some other bills. Then he'll have apprx $300 to put aside twice a month.

Then my income varies from $1000-$1700 a month. This will cover my one cc pymt, groceries, dog walker (1-4 times a week when we're both out of the house for up to 15 hours due to work) and spending allowance. We decided we each get $80 and 40 British pounds (about $80) a month for our spending allowance. I know that sounds like a lot, but we still want to travel around locally because we'll only be in England for a short while. And after a few other bills, I'll be able to sock away $200-700 a month (again depending on how much I earn) towards our EF.

Then once our EF is funded to $6000- which will cover EF and money to bring our pets to our next assignment, we'll start on jeep payments and then the down payment for our house.

There was one place where we butted heads though and that was money for groceries. He thinks we should continue spending $250 a month on groceries. There are only two of us and our pets!!!! But seeing as how I do all the grocery shopping and cooking, I can cut that down and use the excess for other areas.

Well....it wasn't too bad and it feels really good to finally be on the same page and start working towards things together. Thanks for all your support and pointers!