Spending & White Lies Video

**Shell** · 01-12-2007, 05:52 PM

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=2171623

Do you hide how much you spend?

**redhead68** · 01-12-2007, 07:55 PM

Interesting segment. Thanks for the link.

I grew up in a household where my parents constantly battled over money, and my husband's parents have completely separate accounts because of similar issues, but my spouse and I are completely open about spending. We have joint checking & savings accounts and regularly review our financial goals with an advisor, who helps keep us on track. I do have an individual IRA, but I don't hide it or my spending habits from my husband. I can't even imagine a reason for me to do so. We never argue about money. (We do, however, occasionally argue about other things!) If this segment is an accurate portrayal of the way other couples handle their finances, I guess that makes us an unusual pair.

**McD** · 01-12-2007, 10:34 PM

I don't.

My parents marriage is ruined due to lies about money that started while I was very young. My childhood was severly affected due to it. There may be times when I don't tell my husband the amount on my own, but if he asks I will always tell him. Even if I regret it I tell him.

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 01-12-2007, 10:41 PM

We must be total oddballs...cause we tell each other ever cent!!! I do the shopping and writing all the payments for bills. And he does all the entering in Quicken. Keeps us quite accountable! And we don't use a lot of cash so it doesn't "slip thru our fingers" too much.

**marie_squared** · 01-13-2007, 12:32 PM

i dont really hide how much i spend, its more like id like him to know how much i spend because i dont always feel like he knows how much im spending on common things such so groceries and toilet paper and (from when we first moved in together) towels and the basics for living. i always feel like i buy everything and then when its a week until the end of the month and i have absolutely NO money but do have food in the pantry and fend fine by myself, he's asking why we dont go to the movies or go get something to eat. i dont like telling him that i dont have any money left over for those types of things because i know he gonna think.. well, where is she spending her money? and he's gotta know. i know that i should really just sit and talk with him about it but i feel like ive done that a couple times and in the end it really never changes anything. -- although he did offer to pay all the utilities when we get into our new rent free house my dad is letting us live in. a part of me wants to take him up on that and another part of me just doesnt think that would be fair either!

**Emjo** · 01-13-2007, 02:26 PM

We never hide how much we spend. If DH even buys himself a hot chocolate he lets me know, and vice versa. We keep track of every dollar we spend.

**FrugalWitch** · 01-13-2007, 02:58 PM

DH and I tell each other down to the last cent, how else could we accurately track/manage our money?

**FrugalMomof3** · 01-13-2007, 03:32 PM

I cant say I NEVER have but since marrying my DH on 5/2/98 I have NOT. Most times DH and I both know what each other spends and we dont buy big ticket items without consulting with each other first. I dont hide what I buy from DH and vise versa, how ever could we manage a budget if this were to happen?

Now unlike the others I dont tell him I went and bought a pack of reeses since this is from our own spending money but if I bought a pair of shoes I would say "Honey I want to buy a pair of shoes at SOANDSOSTORE, is that ok?" and he would most likely say "Ok no problem but can I come I need a pair too!"

All joking aside your partner should know when and what you spend since it's cutting into your budget.

**redhead68** · 01-13-2007, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by FrugalMomof3

Now unlike the others I dont tell him I went and bought a pack of reeses

Same here. We have a small amount of fun money each month that we don't report to each other. This month, my DH spent it sending flowers to me, since he's away on a business trip. What a sweetheart I married! But, for the big stuff, absolutely we discuss it beforehand.

I have a childhood friend whose mother died of a heart attack a couple of years ago, and after the funeral, her husband found a bill for a credit card she had taken out in her own name without telling him. She had run up over $50,000 of charges! He was devastated, but he was able to cover the debt from his retirement savings. The entire family felt so betrayed that she would hide it from them. I often wonder if the stress of keeping it a secret contributed to her heart attack. I can't even imagine that kind of stress!

Afterward, my spouse and I had a long discussion about honesty in our relationship and vowed never to do anything like that. We trust each other to spend prudently, keeping our long-term financial goals in mind, and we regularly review our spending habits. I would never establish a credit card or an account without telling him.

I might just have to hide that bag of M&M's, however, because I'd like to have a few before he and the children inhale them!

**justpeachy92** · 01-13-2007, 04:16 PM

Nope we have never lied to each other about how we spend money. Unless you count how I round everything up, but my hubby knows I do that.....if I go to the store and spend $92.73 I subtract $100. My dh and I both get a little fun money every month, and we both understand that we don't have to be held accountable for how we spend that money.

**cheappearls** · 01-13-2007, 05:28 PM

We tell each other about any spending (except for cash dh takes to work to buy drinks). It helps us stay on budget. As soon as he gets home he gives me any receipts I need to write into the check book and I tell him how much is spent when I grocery shop.

It is our money and we both need to know where it's going.

**peanut** · 01-13-2007, 07:19 PM

I grew up in a family that blew apart due to money secrets coupled with mental health issues. DH and I share every cent, except our allowances, with each other. We operate on a cash basis. If we want to buy gifts, they either come from our allowance, or the appropriate envelope (we use envelope budgeting). So a gift of clothing would come from the "Clothing" envelope, or our allowance. Usually if it comes from "Clothing" envelope, the other person is going to know about it and how much it cost before they get it. If we want to keep it a secret, it has to come from our allowance.

When the household needs something, we confer if it's over $50. If it's under, we just check the balance in the account/envelopes, ask what expenses are coming up, and then go for it.

Having said that, I can identify with the woman in the video saying that women live longer and have smaller pensions. I've been a SAHM most of my life. DH is not concerned with how I might live if he passes away first. That worries me because I can see long term health care in my future. He's a librarian. They don't make a lot of money to begin with. And to see his pay go to 65% of his salary at retirement, and then 60% of that when he passes, is just plain scary to me. That's why I'm looking at ways to supplement my income now and on into retirement.

**Telephus44** · 01-13-2007, 09:17 PM

Since we handle our money with a "his, hers, and ours" system, our disclosures are a little different. We both always know how much money joint has, and how much joint spends because we keep the books together, but we don't necessarily have the same "I will share all the details of my account with you" attitude towards our own accounts. We each have one credit card, one savings account, and one checking account in our own names only. While neither of us goes out of the way to "hide" it, we don't really talk about them either. I know DH has a large balance on his CC right now and is waiting for a check from some consulting work to pay it off in full, but I don't know how much it is. Similarly, DH doesn't necessarily know how much I have socked away in my "Sports Car" fund.