How did this happen? (confession)

**cara-lynne** · 03-04-2007, 09:39 PM

So, my son wanted this WII by nintendo to the tune of 250.00. So, he saves up 220.00 and I tell him I will forward him the rest but it will be taken out of his allowance. We call around for weeks and weeks and finally, lo and behold, today toys r us has 5 in stock and we rush to the store to get one. He was SOOO excited and I was just as excited for him. So the store says "well, we have this bundle with a game and it costs 20.00 for the game" and I say sure, go ahead and throw it on. So, we walked out of the store with me paying 55 dollars. And so I think well, I blew the budget already, so I took him out to breakfast and spent another nine dollars. luckily I stopped there. But, I'm thinking this. I would never spend 50 frivously on myself, so why do I feel like I must do it/it is okay to do it for him? Does this happen with anyone else? How can I stop feeling bad if I don't spend extra on him???

**ubumartin** · 03-04-2007, 10:26 PM

You are not alone. We are mothers and most of us spend on the kids, the husbands, the house, the pets then if there is anything left over we spend on ourselves and then feel a little guilty about it if we splurge once in a while on ourselves. I think that most woman are that way.

**McD** · 03-04-2007, 10:34 PM

Yes. Yesterday, some friends and I went shopping. I bought so much stuff for myself, but everything I bought for myself was on sale and 10 dollars or less. However, I went to Old Navy and spent 10$ on my son a pair of shorts. And 20$ on a rain coat! And I bought him a ton of stuff. It just happens. Don't beat yourself up over it, just learn how to improve from it---which I have found is super hard.

**Libby** · 03-05-2007, 12:07 AM

I have that problem too, I splurge on others (while keeping a frugal vibe going on) but when it comes to me, I torment myself until I cave and buy something for myself or friends/family yell at me to buy it vs me keep checking out and pondering it. Example, me looking at something at Walmart every trip I make until I buy whatever it is Im looking at - could be 10 trips or more that I'd just keep checking it out and debating/justifying LOL That or my dad or bf would buy it for me b/c I wont do it for myself which doesnt happen often thank goodness!

this is why I go shopping solo!

But I agree its hardest to spend on yourself but you know what down the road, your son will take care of you once he's reached your position in life. Its just how it works. I spoil my dad sometimes.

**Hollyhandi** · 03-05-2007, 07:18 AM

I spend money on my son and fiance . I love them and I like to make them happy.
Don't regret it a bit.
I hate buying for myself and don't. ( JMHO )

**kaykwilts** · 03-05-2007, 08:25 AM

I haven't spent money on myself in ages. I'm always spending it on the kids.

**annymoll** · 03-05-2007, 08:31 AM

Same here. Our g-kids are the weakness.

**DixieJ** · 03-05-2007, 08:46 AM

I'm bad about giving in to my grandson on things he wants. I'll think and think over something forever before I spend money on myself.

Dixie Jean

**Nada.Leona** · 03-05-2007, 09:33 PM

The FlyLady calls this the "martyr syndrome" -- women put themselves very last before husbands, children, jobs, volunteering, etc. etc. etc. The problem is when you don't take any time for yourself. She harps continuously about how vital it is to put yourself first -- you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. She compares it to a watering can sometimes --you can only water the flowers when there is water in the jug.

**Jill B.** · 03-06-2007, 08:04 AM

I always used to feel that way but now I don't. DH and I each get an allowance, every 2 weeks. We get $20. If I want something I can save it up and buy it. No guilt. I frequently spend mine on treats out with the kids or lunch on Friday with my co-workers. It works better this way because now I don't feel deprived and go out and charge some things when I feel deprived.

**mcphlips** · 03-06-2007, 09:12 AM

I like that watering can analogy Naderbug.
It is always sooo hard to take time for yourself or buy things for yourself.
I will always buy for my kids or DH before myself.
I even called my sister recently to talk me out of buying a white tshirt I needed because I was feeling guilty over spending the $5.00 on myself....!

**pkellyc** · 03-06-2007, 09:55 AM

My girls have better sneakers than I do. They also have better stereo equipment, cameras, computers, and just about everything else. Paid for by me. Mostly because I want them to have it and I really could care less for things. I feel guilty of spoiling them but it brings me pleasure to do so.

As for myself if you could see how many purses I have you would be amazed. We all have our vices.

**miss_thrifty** · 03-06-2007, 10:27 AM

I use to be like that. Now i put money away on a walmart card fro myself. So when I need something or see something on sale, i can get it and not feel bad about myself or if I find great deals for xmas gifts.

**frugalnana** · 03-06-2007, 10:46 AM

Hit hit the nail on that one. I don't buy new stuff for me, its either the goodwill, yard sales or the clearance rack.
But when it comes to my kids and especially my grandkids, I sometimes can't help myself. They have such cute stuff out for little girls for Easter and I want to get my granddaughters several outfits. But I have made myself stay home so I don't buy anything. I'm making them baskets up with things they can use to have fun with.