Cheap/lazy husbands?...

[peanut]

Warning: VENT!

Okay ladies, I'm pretty frugal, but I've had it!!! I got up this morning to have a shower and all I got was hot water from the shower head. This shower has been 'an issue' off and on for several years now...waiting for DH to fix it...waiting for us to have the money to fix it (even though we don't know what's wrong with it). DH's solution is to just quit using it and use the shower in the basement. Could be he has no motivation to fix this?

I broke down and phoned a plumber this morning. Just to come to the house is a two day wait and $68cdn. That's horrendous! But I refuse to let myself be scalded anymore in the shower.

The thing is, this is not an isolated incident in this house. DH has left several repairs, saying we don't have money for them (right now we have a door without a doorknob because SIL broke it and DH won't fix it because we suddenly need a whole new door.).

We don't have money for repairs because DH leaves money sit without designating it for a specific use, and we use it on everything but repairs because we forget what we're working towards, or don't have a specific goal in mind.

This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't blame me for all the spending. I have limited myself to the envelopes (we envelope budget) for several months now. This morning he is upset by all the debit purchases. At least I know they aren't me!

Still, I'm wondering if budgets work without goal setting for once in 20 year items...like new showers and doorknobs. I have my suspicions. I've tried setting goals before and DH just doesn't care, or just laughs at them. Well, if you don't try, you aren't going to achieve anything. It's like he has a real aversion to goal setting. You should be able to 'drift' into money like you 'drift' through life. He doesn't believe in making goals for anything. Grrr!

I think the answer here is for me to take up the plumbing and home renovation trades. That would be sure to cause a divorce here. I'd be stepping on DH's ego for sure. BTDT. DH likes living in a dive apparently.

[peanut]

Wanted to edit, but wasn't allowed... What do you all do in these situations? If I try to do home repair work, DH doesn't like it or is overly critical. Plus, frankly, in most cases I don't have a clue where to start. Is it time to learn? DH is just a pill whenever I try to do anything, but I'd rather have an imperfect fix, than nothing at all. He's a perfectionist, which is why nothing gets done I'm sure.

Frankly, after 25 years, I've given up ever getting him to do any joint goal setting. He just mentions things vaguely and expects they'll happen somehow. I'm beyond caring. If he can't make a specific goal, I'm not listening anymore.

[JerryG]

Go to your library. They will have a HUGE section on home maintenance and repair. Start there. If nothing else, you are educating yourself on what will need to be taken care of and what the steps are. Some repairs ARE "do it yourself" and some are definitely not. But at least you'll know which is which and what they're talking about if you decide to hire a repair person.

Sorry - I can't help you on DH's "tude" . . . I don't have one! DH that is, not 'tude!! LOL!!

Let us know how the plumbing goes! IMHO - Most plumbing is NOT a do it yourself unless you really know what you're doing AND you have the right tools. I've seen some bad plumbing fixes in the past, so I think you did the right thing on that. I'd be pissed too over A)take a scalding shower or B) go to the basement..............

[Hollyhandi]

When you see this money setting around not designated put it in your envelope system for the repairs.
When he says theres no money say yes there is.
Me i do it myself and if its not to his satisfaction I plainly tell him he should have got off his lazy butt and done it in the first place.

[ewokgirl]

Sorry you've had to deal with this. Sounds like you just reached your breaking point.

As for those odd, once-in-a-blue-moon repairs, I consider that to come more from the emergency fund. At least, that's how it works here. Our savings account is specifically for taking care of stuff that happens unexpectedly. Or, I just work it into the budget. I just paid a guy $75 this morning to repair our ceiling fan in the living room. That's not a typical thing for us, but we have some extra money sitting in our checking account right now, so I just paid it from that. You just work it in somehow.

I don't know if the debit card thing is a problem for y'all or not, but it was for us. Not because my DH was overspending, but because he lost his receipts, so there were always charges I didn't know about and couldn't record. It really screwed up my bookkeeping and ticked me off, so I took away the debit card. I now give him cash, and he carries a credit card. If he's out and needs something, he uses one or the other. Since he's not an overspender, it works for us to have him use a CC. And it doesn't screw up our checking account by having phantom purchases show up and throw off all our numbers. Maybe your hubby needs to be put on a cash-only system if he tends to blow through money (not sure if you're saying he does or doesn't).

[geckoace]

my DH can be a little lazy so i do alot of the fixin' around here. i take my time and research the problem and solution usually on the internet and in some books (im amassing quite a library and i have a binder of printouts) so i think you could probably fix the doorknob issue yourself and if your DH doesnt like tell him it will have to do until he gets up and fixes it the way he wants until then whatever you do that makes life easier is fine.
plumbing can be alittle tricky if you are not experience and don't know anyone who is. a good handyman can sometimes identify the problem and a good one will tell you that its too big for him to handle, but definitely plumbing and wiring i say get a professional

[Ceashels]

We put home repairs into our budget. This can be used for anything from tools to light bulbs to insulation for the attic. If we have a big project ahead of us we budget more. We are DIYers but weren't always. We learned enough about plumbing and elecricity and building structures to keep our expensive repairs to a minimum.

As for his 'tude... he can lump it. Perfectionism can be detrimental in many situations and this is one of them. Perhaps when the basement shower breaks and he is inconvenienced more... he will make it a priority.

Good luck.

[my4littlebuffaloes]

Jean, we have a section in our budget for home repairs. It is in a savings account, but it could easily be a cash envelope. This covers the unexpected repairs, as well as planned things like paint for the dining room, garden items, curtains, planned repairs too. I am not sure if this is a goal setting problem or not. You need to have a section in the budget for household repairs, because they do happen. Most of the time not every day, but they will happen at some point. I am not married to a perfectionist (he is at the other end - whatever is fastest is the best, doesn't matter how it looks) so I don't have any advice. But I would do it myself (will he really notice?) or pay someone to do it. You could always give him a warning though. As in, the shower really needs to be fixed this week, will you have time to do it or should I call someone? If he doesn't do anything, just call someone (if you can afford it). Also, if you borrowed some books from the library and left them lying around, or went through them and came up with some ideas about what could be wrong, would that work? Tell him a few things it could be and ask him to look at the book and see what he thinks? Sometimes I guess it takes a little nudging. Good luck!

Jennifer

[Luv2BeFrugal1]

I don't have any advice about dealing with your Dh...just wanted to say, "sorry you're having to deal with all that hoo-ha". And wanted to send you a hug!

I'd try what the earlier poster suggested...hit the library for some books to learn home improvements from. Do you get cable? The DIY network has oodles of shows like that... And if you don't, maybe your local PBS channel would have some good home improvement shows? And maybe check into Saturday and Sunday programming for "how-to" shows? I've seen quite a few in the morning hours. What about the video section of your library? Ours has a huge section of "do it yourself".

Good luck with all of this... You'll be surprised what kind of skills you'll be able to pick up...and goals you can accomplish. Just keep your chin up.

[rumrunnergirl]

My Mom got my DH a book from Home Depot, titled something like "How to Fix Almost Anything in Your House". I keep a list of need repairs on the fridge. I understand your frustration - my Dad was a general contractor and perfectionist - nothing ever went unfixed in our house when I was growing up. On the other hand, my DH can't even put up a straight shelf - using a laser level, LOL.

I help when I can, and I belong to online programs where I cash out for Home Depot gift cards to help keep the cost down. But - I am not above calling in a professional. If you have the $68 to fix the shower then do it, and if your DH complains tell him you couldn't wait any longer. Maybe that will motivate him to fix something. Maybe on Wednesday you could say to your DH "let's go to Home Depot this weekend and get a door knob to fix the garage door" - and then write the errand on your calender.

[annymoll]

Trade sex for household repairs,works like a charm.

[peanut]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I've decided to go to the library tomorrow. I have several things to look up. I have some leaking taps too.

I also want to go over the budget with DH tonight. We were going to do it anyways, only for other reasons. I think I'm going to focus on this one area. It's really bugging me.

We already envelope budget for house repairs, but obviously not enough. We put in about $80cdn/mth. Seems in old houses though, there's something going wrong every month to the tune of at least $100. Could be we just can't afford this house anymore.

[nwmissourigal]

My dh is pretty good about fixing things, but he has to ponder them for a while and they have to be fixed perfect. This drives me insane, but after 18 years you would think I would be used to it. I can do small repairs about the house and do what I can. I have a book called "You can fix anything". It's been a life saver for me at time. Sorry your going thru this...Blessings..Kathy

[Darlene]

Trade sex for household repairs,works like a charm.

Good one!

[Hollyhandi]

You could go on strike and not do anything for him until he fixes the water,door knob etc.
Don't do wash, dishes, cook, vacum,
That might work........