Getting disillusioned...

[Kabocha Girl]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum exactly, but any thoughts would be appreciated!

So, lately I've been struggling with my frugal ways. Today I signed up for some survey sites and I've been signing up for freebies since the beginning of April thanks to all of you wonderful ladies here. However, today after filling out surveys all afternoon (thanks for the suggestions in the other thread), I felt stupid when I found myself taking a 20 minute shower. Our goal for the two of us total is less than 15 minutes (still longer than it should be).

It's not only that, but DH and I used to be pretty gung ho on saving and really watching every penny. In fact, that hard core saving is the reason that we're going to be able to put down 20% on our dream house that is currently being built (also our first house). Anyway, ever since January we just can't seem to get back on track. We will for a few days, but then we just fall off the wagon again. This is another reason I was never good at diets or exercise programs. I'll be really really good for a long time, but then as soon as I have that cookie, I figure, what the heck, I might as well finish off the bag. And then some other stuff too. It's as if when I fall off the wagon I just sit there on the ground waiting to get run over by other approaching wagons!

I really want to get fired up again like I used to be. I read these forums religiously now and that helps a little, but I still feel like we're not doing as much as we could. I think the problem may be that I'm a black/white thinker in general, so I'm pretty intense whatever direction we're going at the time. If we're doing good, we're doing really good. But if we screw up, or don't do as good as I know we can from previous experience, I just want to spend, spend, spend (Luckily, DH usually keeps those sprees in control).

I'm just feeling very frustrated now and don't have any friends or family except MIL that understands at all. They all think we're crazy. We don't have a TV and I send for free samples, but then we buy $50 worth of books or furniture for the house (on Craigslist, of course -- I don't flip out that bad! - LOL).

Anyway, I thought maybe some of you could help me out. Do you ever feel this way, and if so, what do you do to get yourself back on track? How do you pick yourself up and dust yourself off? Once I get going again, I'm fine. I just can't seem to get started. Any thoughts?

[Kabocha Boy]

She and I are in the same boat here - however one of us feels, the other feels too. I'm also out of ideas to get us back on the wagon - it just seems like we're going in circles.

[i.m.cheap]

The philosopher Diogenes was eating bread and lentils for supper. He was seen by the philosopher Aristippus, who lived comfortably by flattering the king.

Said Aristippus, "If you would learn to be subservient to the king, you would not have to live on lentils."

Said Diogenes, "Learn to live on lentils, and you will not have to be subservient to the king."

--The Song of the Bird, by Anthony de Mello

That is also one of my favorite quotes! Just keep that thought in your head, and your "eyes on the prize" (your own paid for home, and money in the bank). You are still so young, I wish I had my head on straight like yours when I was 26. It took me a long time to see the light. Best wishes on your frugal journey!

[Lady Jennelle]

Oh honey, I am so much like you are at times that it isn't funny!

When I'm on a diet [real one or a financial one], I am the same way - I do great until I end up getting off track and then once I am, I'm hopeless and can't seem to get back on track either.

The only advice I can give you is to do the things that you can and keep reading the boards here for great tips and also inspiration and if you do, I'd be willing to bet that you'll catch the "frugal fever" again.

Also if you'd like - feel free to jump in on the daily "no spend" challenge where, just for that day ... you won't spend ANYthing.

Every day you do this, you'll see that it does help from spending and it helps to get in the habit of not just spend to be spending, etc. [if that makes sense!]

Anyways ... keep hanging here and it'll really help, I'm sure!

Love,

Jennelle

[Libby]

I think its great that BOTH you and hubby are on the same page financially AND on this site!

Just remember, when you fall off the wagon the only thing you have to do is keep going and try not to fall off again. In another thread I mentioned that I have spent over $1,000 in the month of May alone and the month isnt close to being done. Instead of just making it worse by letting myself spiral into more debt, I just keep going on my frugal way. I pack my lunches and snacks for work and errands. I am still challenging myself to not eat out daily....just go on as it if never happened. Its like with my ex bf who wont leave me alone right now - acknowledged that it happened and move foward. Dont make such a big 'todo' about it and go on - consider it a daily blip. We all have them but the trick is to keep going foward. Do not change course!

Hope that helps! And good luck you two - you can almost taste your house right???

[Jenna]

Maybe set aside some money each week as "Fun" money? Or make small goals and reward yourselves after they're met?

I used to buy books, too... but now I hit up the library.

Owning your first home at such a young age is a major accomplishment. You should feel proud.

[Cricket1]

Start reading some books (from the library if you can) or articles on line about couples whose debt has spiraled out of control--that usually fixes me. Or go online to a debt calculator and figure out how quickly you can pay something off by putting a few extra bucks/month towards it.

I agree to try to find some "fun" money in your budget. Or challenge each other to a totally free date (there's a thread in the village that was started just a few days ago).

Usually, the first suggestion helps me. I love reading about others' success, but I THRIVE on reading stories about people with huge money problems. That probably makes me a bad person, but I really get into it!!!

[treeluva]

Congrats on being able to have the 20% downpayment on your home! And, a newly built one at that!

I fall off the wagon at times as well... it seems as though I just *have* to have this or that.... and it is usually house stuff. What I started doing was budgeting for house stuff. I get excitied about seeing the amount saved up for the house things... it really keeps me from breaking the bank, so to speak, and I have a motivator of saving for whatever it is that I want.

[justpeachy92]

Diets rather physical/financial fail because of that feeling of being deprived. You need to look at it as a lifestyle change. If you go on a strict diet to lose 20 pounds, then go back to how things were before you lost the 20 pounds you will gain that 20 back plus some more once you start eating like before and not exercising. To lose weight and keep it off you need to except your new eating plan and exercise regimen as something you can continue the rest of your life. Therefor you must allow for the occasional treat so you don't fall of the wagon. The same is with your financial life, you should budget so there is some fun money, then you don't feel deprived about never having money to do something or buy some wanted item. When the fun is budgeted in, there is no guilt feeling like you fell of the wagon.

[peanut]

Wow! I'm impressed! Your own home and you're only 25/26?! Good for you!

I am like you a bit too. I find when I 'fall off the wagon' in anything, it's either from a sense of hopelessness, or it's a sense of entitlement. If it's hopelessness, I just give up, don't try, get depressed, and figure "what the H*ll?!" If it's a sense of entitlement, well, that's when I have to treat myself somehow, or my efforts are shot. I get stubborn then.

Actually the remedy for both of them is the same for me. I have to get out around other people, and I have to nurture myself somehow. I find frugal ways to build these things into my everyday life. I volunteer my time a couple places, and I get out to do things I love around other people with similar interests. I know I need regular exercise on a daily basis. That keeps the sense of hopelessness from crashing in.

It might help you to create a list of frugal fun things you could do each day that would nurture you and DH. Maybe list all the things you used to do for fun, and some frugal alternatives for them. I'm sure this board could help. I believe there's been threads in the past on frugal luxuries. Take time to partake in some for yourself.

{{{Hugs}}}
Jean

[FarmerSue]

I've been feeling a bit of that too. Mine is more of a hurry up and get it done now thing, not a lot of patience.
One thing that I do is take a notebook and put it on my desk with a page for every day. Everyday I write down how much I spend.
My challenge to myself if to have as many blank pages as I can. No cheating, even online spending counts. I get a kick out of a bunch of blank pages. Kind of like the Weight Watchers thing......whatever you eat you have to write down first, well whatever you spend gets written down.
How many blank pages can you get next week?

[Kabocha Girl]

Thanks to all of you for your words of encouragement! We do have "fun money" budgeted for each month, but we're pretty strict so it's only 1000 yen (approx. $8.50) each for the month. Usually we do okay, though. Maybe it needs to be more...

As for using the library, I would love to. The hard part is that I can't read Japanese and the closest library with English books is a 15 minute bus ride away. That would be fine, except I have yet to learn the Kanji that would allow me to know where to get off. Luckily, we only have a couple months left until we're home again. I do read classic books online for free (http://www.classicreader.com/) -- I usually copy the text into a word document first so that I'm not distracted by all the ads. The unfortunate part is that the types of books I like to read are books like The Tightwad Gazette, Miserly Moms, etc.

I do feel blessed that we don't have to worry about debt right now. We finally finished paying off everything this spring (I was hanging on to a 0% car loan -- Dave Ramsey nipped that in the bud). So, now we're debt free until we get the mortgage.

I do have a problem with being impatient too. That doesn't help things. I am working on that. DH is a big help in that area. Now we wait at least 2 days before buying something I think I need (I'm the "nerd spender"). I'm a sucker for sales.

Also, I do keep track of everything to the yen, which sometimes involves using a Kanji dictionary to read the receipt (if I don't enter them into Excel right away).

So, we're doing okay, I just wish we could do better. Thanks again for all the comments! Sorry this post is so long too.

[Lady Jennelle]

Everyday I write down how much I spend.
My challenge to myself if to have as many blank pages as I can. No cheating, even online spending counts. I get a kick out of a bunch of blank pages. Kind of like the Weight Watchers thing......whatever you eat you have to write down first, well whatever you spend gets written down.
How many blank pages can you get next week?

This is a great idea though I don't think I'd do each day on a separate page for myself anyways.

I keep meaning to write down EVERYthing I spend but if I don't do it as soon as I get home, I tend to forget about it.

Still - I think what I'll do on June 1st is to tape a paper to the top of my desk and make sure that as soon as I get home if I've spent anything ... to write it down right then and there!

Love,

Jennelle

[Jenna]

This is a great idea though I don't think I'd do each day on a separate page for myself anyways.

I keep meaning to write down EVERYthing I spend but if I don't do it as soon as I get home, I tend to forget about it.

Still - I think what I'll do on June 1st is to tape a paper to the top of my desk and make sure that as soon as I get home if I've spent anything ... to write it down right then and there!

You could also print free calendars off the net. http://www.printfree.com/Calendars.htm