Frugality simply as a lifestyle, for no other reason

[Jaded]

I read with interest the thread about the different reasons people are frugal. I've just always lead a frugal lifestyle, and enjoyed it. It makes me proud to be able to stretch a penny into a dime. People are always asking me how I make it on what I make, and my answer is simply "I don't know how to do it any other way".

Yes, I'm one who has to be frugal, but it wasn't always like that. I once had a very well paid position, and I was still frugal. Not as much as now, but I still grew a garden, shopped at thrift stores and sales, and used coupons for food and other things as well.

Did I save a lot of money? Nope. I spent it on activities with my kids, and my friends who didn't have as much. I bought people wonderful gifts for no reason at all. I did crafts, and sewed, and spent lots on crafts and hobbies for my kids, never worried much about the cost.

I don't regret at all that I didn't save all that money for my retirement. It will not be easy for me to retire, but I have so many wonderful memories, as do my children, friends, and family, that I would never have had otherwise.

I remember on the Oprah show once, she said that the moment she realized she was wealthy was one day when she and Gail were shopping at K-Mart for welcome mats. She was looking at $5 mats, and trying to figure out which one to get. Gail said "You know, you could buy all of them." She had never even thought about spending money, because she had always been poor. After her little tantrum, when the French designer wouldn't open up his store after hours for her, I guess she has changed.

I never will change. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would spend it making other people happy, and making their lives better, but I would still watch every penny I spent on myself.

Frugality for me is just the way I live, always have, always will.

[bumplett]

that was a wonderful post Jaded - thank you!

[genieb]

I've always been frugal too. I grew up in a single parent family during a time when that was still scandalous so my mom didn't get a lot financial help or emotional support. I learned from an expert.

Dh had a stay at home mom who was just as frugal as mine. So we came into our relationship on the same page about money -- that helps a lot.

My dh says I can pinch a penny not just till it squeals, I make it beg for mercy. My mom did teach me that there are times when quality matters and just buying the cheapest of some items will be a waste of money. And I've had that lesson reinforced through some stupid mistakes over the years.

We didn't start being frugal to do the healthy lifestyle stuff we do now. In spite of our frugality we still thought for many years we couldn't afford the lifestyle. But once we felt we had no other choice we worked it out. We decided if we really do believe that health is most important we had to start "putting our money where our mouth is." We do use a budget to make sure all the important stuff is covered. So while healthy living isn't the reason we live frugally it is the most important area of our lives financially right now.

We are making sizeable contributions to our 401k because we're getting close to retirement age -- about 10 years away. But we never see that money so we don't really miss it.

I think even people who grew up in the frugal lifestyle or are just frugal by nature still have priorities. You have to set priorities to make the lifestyle work, whether you do it consciously or not. Seems to me that priorities and reasons for being frugal are two different things. Now they can overlap and cross all over each other, but IMHO they are still different.

[zenmama]

Jaded, loved your post. Simple, inspirational and very true. I hope you're luck will change, a lot of things going on in your life now but you've decided to take action. Good luck to you.

[peanut]

Great post Jaded. I didn't grow up in a frugal home. Worse yet, Mom would spend one way, and Dad the other. They spent the same paycheck twice a couple of times. And were in debt big time at their divorce. I learned frugality in self-defense. I didn't want to be like them.

Now I have moved from the panicking "I need to be frugal" stage to the "this is kinda fun!" stage. Because I too take some of the money I save from frugal activities and just blow it on fun for family and friends. I like my stitching weekends, rug hooking, quilting, etc. And wouldn't trade them for the world. If I have to spend money, that's where I'd spend it.

Being Canadian, I have a federal pension and universal health care waiting for me when DH retires, even though I'm a SAHW. My DH's work pension will be enough to cover us in retirement, when supplemented with our retirement savings. I feel very blessed.

Jean

[Telephus44]

Great post Jaded! I feel the same way sometimes. I have the great-paying job and don't "have" to be frugal, but it just fits with my goals and my morals - I think that buying used things (or nothing at all) helps the environment, which is a big priority in my life. I'm also very anti "stuff" and anti-consumerism, both for philosophical reasons.

Sometimes people wonder why we're frugal since we can "afford" everything - and you're right, it is a lifestyle choice. We've chosen to be frugal!

[jsmla]

I grew up in a very, very frugal home. We gardened, canned, sewed, the whole enchilada. Once a year we vacationed either at the homes of relatives or in a tent. (A week spent in a tent in the Deep South in July is just not a vacation to me!) Running the AC was an indulgence of Bacchanalian decadence. All of his life my dad has been fascinated by boats, sail boats, fishing boats, you name it, but the only boat he ever owned was a rickety old freebie bateau with a tiny little outboard motor. The house they bought came with a trash compactor and garbage disposal. We never used them because they might wear out. Daddy wouldn't let us hang pictures because it wasn't good for the walls to put holes in them. My mother has been known to spend half a day at the bank arguing over an inconsistancy of less than a nickle on her bank statement.

Here's the thing, there was no need to carry things to such an extreme. Dad was a highly placed executive with a major oil company, Mom a microbiologist with a Phd in virology. They made an extremely comfortable living, well into six figures back in the '70s. We had a very nice home in an expensive neighborhood purchased solely for the school district it was in. The house had an empty dining, living and spare bedroom. The rest of the furniture was hand me downs. Every single thing we did was done with an eye to doing it as cheaply as possible.

Now that they're retired it's just more of the same. They just sit at home clipping coupons and obsessing over the financial channel. They're 72 years old and have never been west of Houston or north of North Carolina. They would have never ventured that far except those were the places where we could vacation with relatives (free room and board!). They won't visit my brother in Maryland because it's too far to drive (ie too many miles on the car and too much $$$ for gas.) He has a 4 year old and a baby and they're missing seeing their grandchildren grow up. Mom constantly complains that my brother never comes to visit (He drives down twice a year which is a lot considering jobs and the fact that my sister-in-law's parents are in Iowa and also need to be visited.) but she won't even consider going up to Maryland.

My parents are extremely generous with my brother and myself and our families. They've helped both of us with our educations and down payments on our homes. I know that if either of us called them and said we had urgent need of X number of dollars they would have a check in the mail that day no matter what the amount. They just can't seem to enjoy the money they've worked so hard and so long to acquire and that makes me sad.

Sorry for the rant. I just got off the phone with Mom who wants me to load up my 83 year old incontinent, Alzheimer's patient father-in-law and drive over to their house for Thanksgiving. There's five of us and two of them but there's that burning gas and putting miles on the car thing. Their car is a 2000 model (which replaced a 1985 Corolla) and has less than 20,000 miles on it. My dad is actually proud of never going anywhere.

I think I may have issues.

Jennifer

[freyadog]

Talking of being frugal. This past Saturday my dh and I went to Roanoke, Va. about an hour drive from us. My x is in poor health and we went down to work on his house.

We had breakfast and he had sliced tomatoes. after we finished he picked up the plate and headed to the trash can with them. I stopped him and asked what he was going to do with them and he said throw them away.

Heck no I said...I'll take them home and put them in soup. and I did.

He was floored that I had asked for those tomatoes. Geez I guess some people just havent gotten it yet that you have to be frugal in order to make ends met whether it is for now or next month. But I suppose if you can afford to throw out then you throw out.

[FrugalMomof3]

Well I would say I grew up in a frugal home ... my mom was a single mom of myself and my brother and she worked hard to make ends meet and give us the things we needed but we didnt can or things like that but we did eat mac & cheese and spaghetti meals alot.

Once i moved out I wasn't frugal at all, gosh never even heard of the word but as I got older and became a single mom back in the early 90's I just made enough to support the family, pay rent and get food for me and my boys but never thought of or even heard of being "frugal".

Now many many years later I met my current DH and we didnt live frugal at all and racked up many CC's and became loaded with debt I became frugal back in 2000 when I was tired of oweing people and wanted to clean up my credit and purchase a home... which I did and to this day while I have used my CC I pay it back in a short time or if a small balance right away before the next statement. I cut utilities, cable, phone features, turn down the temp., wash with cold, etc., etc., and even though right now I dont have to be "frugal" I love how the savings adds up and I use the extra $5 a month I saved here and there ans stash it into the EF.

I guess it's not so much about being frugal it's how we train ourselves to either have nothing at the end of the month or have something in savings to show for our efforts, that's what makes me so proud.

We have to learn that CC's and debt is not the answer and if we want something we have to save for it, stop relying on a company to provide our needs/wants and train your brain to save, save, save.

[Jaded]

Jennifer, as with all things, some people take it to extremes. Your parents sound like they suffer from obsessive/compulsive disorder. That's probably been suggested to you before, but I'm sure your parents don't see it as a problem.

I don't have people come to visit me. They will go all over the country to see other people, but they say they can't afford to come see me. I must be a terrible hostess or something, but I've learned to live with it.

For years, I was the one to drive from FL to SC to see everyone, but then one day I said "no more". If seeing me is not important enough for them to come see me, then they just will never see me again, and I stopped. I gave in this past Christmas, because my boys wanted to get the whole family together for Christmas. It's the first time I've seen some of them in ten years. I realized that I didn't really miss them too much.

I feel sad for your parents. I've never had the money to travel, and have always wanted to. If I did come into money, I'd get on a train and never get off! I'd see the whole country, and then go to England and Cornwall. But I will never get to do that in my lifetime, which is why I feel sad for your parents.

[Luv2BeFrugal]

Really nice post Jaded! You're a great writer!

[frugalandsimple]

I've learned that material things doesn't buy me happiness which helped me to live more of a simple & frugal lifestyle.

[ScrapMama]

Jaded, that was an excellent post.

[cab54]

I'm with frugalandsimple. Been there, had that, it doesn't make ya happy. I choose to be frugal and simple. Too many 'things' complicate life. I'd rather spend my $$ on my kids' education.

[miss_thrifty]

I agree jaded that money is to be spent wisely and on whats important. We all from time to time make mistakes on getting cheaper stuff that didnt last. Or that the more exspensive once in a blue moon that kicked my dearie air.lol
As long as one doesnt go over their budget too many times and for frivalous things , then their frugal to me.