Thinking about throwing the towel in on frugality.

**justjenn** · 09-16-2002, 09:35 PM

For over a year now I have tried my hardest at being frugal. I have had many successes, but I get so tired from it all, along with other things in my life. There are a lot of things that I want to just go buy, and don't because of frugality. For instance, my house is really needing some decor, and our truck is needing some parts, but I can never get these things done because I am trying to save for something else, etc. Things that I am told are much more important. And, then when I do get something I feel horrible about it. I am just tired of feeling that way. I want to be able to go to Wal-Mart and not get the cheap detergent when I want Tide. And, then come home thinking that I could have made it even cheaper than that!

It's just that with work, being a wife, keeping the house clean, bills in general, etc frugality seems to be something else on the list of things to do. And, it takes soo much time.

I know I am rambling here, and I thank-you for listening. If you can keep me from this please do so!

**MANDERS** · 09-16-2002, 10:46 PM

justjenn-I hear ya.Sometimes it is so hard for me to keep up with it all too.Dd just started school and ever since then it has been one thing after another.So now I've learned to pick and choose my frugal things i do.Right now I don't have to be frugal i choose to so we can live our dreams and not be in debt forever.Each person has there own decisions to make about these things.If you want to buy tide detergent and can't afford it cut back on something so you can afford it without feeling quilty.THe same with your decor.Times are tough so we have to be even tougher,even if that means sacraficing some things right now so we can enjoy life later.Right now you might be frugal cause you have to but if you keep it up you can be frugal cause you want to.Hope some of this helped.Good luck

**mustang80** · 09-17-2002, 06:49 AM

We all fall off the frugal wagon once in a while. Don't be so hard on yourself about being frugal. I look at it as a challenge. Then I brag to people what I pay for stuff, etc. Their reaction keeps me frugal. People are amazed at how I can get stuff cheap and save money.

Why not try yard sales for home decor? I have decorated my entire house with yard sale stuff. Or you can have a Home Interiors party, the hostess gets free stuff! I have this free stuff in my home too! I have a nice lamp I got for $1.00, numerous pictures, knick knacks, etc. that I got very cheaply at yard sales. Try it, you'll get hooked!

**dz_blonde_girl** · 09-17-2002, 07:16 AM

I was going to say what mustang80 said. People are so amazed at the bargains I find. I love their reaction and it keeps me going. My house is also decorated with yard sale items. You can frame pictures from calendars or family photos. Check out some "trash to treasure" ideas.

Have you checked any FSOT boards or auctions sites? Maybe you could satisfy your shopping urges there and still remain somewhat frugal.

Hang in there. We're here for you. I couldn't do it without these ladies.

**Mom23boys** · 09-17-2002, 09:14 AM

Justjenn, hang in there and keep your chin up! I fell off the frugal wagon for a while myself. I eventually jumped back on, but at my own pace. I missed the savings! I know it is alot of work with children, work, housework, sporting events, etc., but I try to sit aside a few minutes a day just to jot down some notes to myself to help me stay focused. Keep a journal for yourself.

**homesteadmamma** · 09-17-2002, 10:41 AM

justJenn - I know this has been hard on you and I would suggest a couple of things.

I have to agree with JALLCLARK in that you can pick and choose what you want to do with frugality. Do you want to get out of debt? Are you saving for a pariticular item? What are your goals for the next few months, a year and even further down the road?

I need to let you in on a little secret - first of all frugality should be taken in BABY STEPS!!! YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL no matter how hard you try. Remember AmyD did it over a number of years and many of her suggestions in her books, she didn't even do, it was suggestions from others.

Second, if you want a box of Tide, buy one, but purchase it when its on sale and if you have coupons. I buy Tide all the time and I buy Tide liquid. I stretch it by not using as much and I dilute it a bit (if I feel like it). I don't wash out baggies but I do bake my own bread. I shop at yard/garage sales for clothes, craft items, etc. but I shop at the very best store for furniture and get top quality.

What I'm saying is I pick and choose what I want to do with frugality. Yes I use to wash my baggies out but I found I can get them at a great price when they are on sale and I'm not saving that much. I found purchasing good quality furniture will last far longer than cheaper stuff. I found that I can find great quality clothing for ourselves at the goodwill store or yard sales. We still go out to a restaurant every now and then, but we don't go 4 times a week.

I found over these past several years that I can deprive myself and make myself miserable or I can choose what I want to do with frugality. It took us 5 years to pay off all of our $18,000 in debt and I was frugal until it became radical because I was working on a specific goal of getting out of debt. I'm now going to have to get radical again because of paying off a new van. We could have purchased a used car, but life is short and we are out in the country, so a new van was far better for us.

What I'm saying here is don't give up on frugality, but pick and choose where you want to take it. Pick what is best for you and your family and forget the rest or leave it until a later time in your life or not at all if you so choose.

One thing I would caution you on though is this DO NOT GO INTO DEBT WITH CREDIT CARDS!!!!! You will only find that it is a quick fix and you might be happy for a wee bit, but in the long term it will only bring you misery. If you can't pay cash for something, you don't need it in my books (other than a new vehicle or home).

I know you can do this!!

**tnschaffer** · 09-17-2002, 06:48 PM

I have to agree with what everyone else here has said.

If you look at frugality negatively then it wont work for you. If youlook at it like: I choose to cut back on certain things so I can have others things (for us its me being able to be a SAHM).

I have decorated my whole house in yard sale/thrift store finds. I am often complimented on how nicely decorated it is.

I also look at frugality as a challenge. I love to share with others how much I pay for things. I have gotten many friends hooked on it just from my bargains.

There are frugal things that seem like too much work to be worth it. Figure it out. how much time/effort it takes you as compared to how much $ you are saving. Maybe figure it as an hourly wage. Then see if its worth what you are doing. You may be surprised at what is and isnt worth it. To me making laundry soap isnt worth it. And I just dont like it. I would rather just buy as inexpensively as possible and then see how long I can stretch out that bottle of detergent!

just look at it as a challenge, and you will become addicted! I know i am. but dont feel quilty for the times you wish you could buy certain things. We all feel that way. And there are times I do buy something I shouldnt have. but think, you wouldnt have been able to buy that particular something had you not been frugal in other places

.

Good luck! keep your chin up!

**Sara Noel** · 09-17-2002, 07:15 PM

"...find it necessary to evaluate the standard you set for daily living and develop the art of treating the ordinary as if it were extraordinary." Tracey MCBride~Frugal Luxuries

I think for me, I view so many simple things as being blessings that I don't feel "deprived" or as if I am sacrificing or "suffering" anymore.

It's so true, do not expect that you can take on all the aspects of frugality. Take on one or a few at a time.

Some of us can remain motivated by a longterm goal, but some of us need to reward ourselves to stay motivated. I have always needed small motivators to stay on track.

The key is keeping in mind that many aspects of frugality are a choice. What decisions bring you closer to your goals? And at what cost? What is the tradeoff for choosing "X over Y".

I know I get a rush when I reward myself with even the smallest of items. Learn to pamper yourself and narrow down the "feeling" you need to feel less frustrated. (this assuming you may be like I am) I have found that doing simple things like going to the library and even to the nature center give me a much deeper fulfillment than "buying" an object. Soul search and decide if this would work for you too.

Wishing you much luck. I honestly know how you feel. It was only 4 years ago Gabe and I lived a life where frugality was forced upon us. There was a time when our fridge was dead, no washer and dryer, roof leaking into buckets, and us eating more ramen soup than I care to admit. I remember thinking how sick to death I was of not being able to buy something as simple as the bar soap I wanted or shampoo. Many tears were shed. *sigh*

I agree with the others, check out ebay, thrift stores, or wherever etc...buy some nice items that bring you some hope or brighten your day. It's ok to spend sometimes.

Sara

**Jerseygirl** · 09-17-2002, 08:34 PM

I agree with the other ladies and I do understand where you are coming from. Sweetie, 4 years ago dh and I were in debt, living in a crappy apartment (for nearly $1000 a month) but we were eating out 3-4xs a week, vacationing 3xs per year, going to the movies and renting movies almost weekly, we had no savings etc. Today we are living in the house I wanted, which will be paid off in less than 15 years,we have 1 year of my salary+ in the bank (just in case) to do this we take less extravegent vacations-but we still go, I went from buying brand new cars to a 10 year old Jeep that I like, I don't love it, but it gets me where I need to go. For me it took give and take, small life changes truly have added up. I realized that I was blowing $4-5 per week on Paper Products! Stuff that just gets thrown out! By making an effort I have cut that down to about $2-that's $100 per year right there. It is all the little things that have made it successful for us. I have a dryer I have done 3 loads in over 10 months, I shop coupons and loss leaders. I have things I will not give up-entertaining, concerts, pricey shoes. But to do that I have made the nec. changes. It's all in the balance. Do hang on and you will see the results.

**mommyto5** · 09-18-2002, 09:11 AM

I totally feel your pain. I have felt like this a lot lately. We have gotten our selves so far in debt it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to move into a bigger home so bad but have decided that we won't do anything until most all of our debt is paid off. I feel like it will be an ultimate reward. We are working toward this but some days are easier than others. Hang in there and I will too! Good luck.

**MJsLady** · 09-23-2002, 08:46 PM

Wow. I can totally relate. I end up feeling guilty for getting a candy bar i do not need!
I have decided though that I am doing all I can. I work 2 jobs, both part time, dh works all the hours he can get, and I do most of my cooking from scratch so dog gone it if i want a soda refill, for .42c then I am going to have it and enjoy it all day long!
As to laundry soap, I did try the cheapo stuff and it stunk! I tried the HM stuff and I didn't like it either, plus the only one dh can live with is Wisk. I found that dollar general sells it .96 cheaper than walmart and takes the .50 coupons i see on rare occasions.
Boy it so nice to know I am not alone in my... frugal frustrations!

**milach** · 09-24-2002, 10:06 AM

I also agree with what everyone has said.

I know for myself, I'm 1/2 frugal, 1/2 money spender. I do all my meal planning according to what's on sale and what I have for coupons, I pretty much do all my cooking from scratch, I do laundry according to what the weather so I don't have to use my dryer at all, I wash plastic baggies, you get the idea. But at the same time, I didn't think twice about spending $3,000 for my cherry bedroom set I had to have, or $2500. for my Maytag kitchen appliances.

Here's the way I see it- no sense spending all out doors on stuff that just get used once and then thrown away or in the septic system- paper towels, food, fancy cleaners. But at the same time- buying cheap laundry detergent isn't cost effective when you have to use 3 times the amount to get the same result as 1 capful of Tide.

On other things like furniture, appliances, electronics, I'd rather pay upfront and get what I want and have it last a long time. I think it's a bigger waste to settle for something you really don't want or you get it just because it was darn there free and then turn around and replace it later on. My motto is get what you want in the first place- just buy it when it's on sale or there's a rebate to go with it.

So don't feel bad. If you want to go and decorate your house- go ahead!!! You need something to show for your hardwork in frugality- so pay yourself that way. Is a nice slip cover for the sofa or new curtains really going to break the bank or set you that far back from paying off all your other debts? As long as you don't go over board- it won't. Get out there and go shopping girl! You deserve it!!

Laura

**captclearance** · 09-24-2002, 11:19 AM

I am frugal but it does not dominate my life.... I do many of the thing I do so that my children will have something left of this planet... I try to reuse things and I do watch what I spend.... I look for deals and save a lot of money, money I use for other things.... but I do not deny myself things that I really need or want.... My dh laughs at me and says..."I'll buy you a new (whatever it is) I just tell him "I'm fine doing it this way" He has no idea how much money I save...... But I consider my time too.... Is this an effective use of my time ???? My time is no more infinite than my money...Just do as much or as little as you like...