shopping: when it becomes an obsession

**M55FF** · 03-03-2008, 03:53 PM

I have a friend who does what I call "recreational shopping"

and I believe they may be a shopping addict, just like a drug addict in many ways. They buy things just for the high of a good deal.... every single day they shop and it's just to find deals, even buy things they dont need... then the rest of the time complain how there is no room in their house anymore, the rooms are lined with boxes and bags of new things, many not even opened yet.

yet............. they still shop and buy things for that rush of a good deal.

You ever met anyone like that?

I find it really strange.

**AmyMCGS** · 03-03-2008, 04:09 PM

I haven't met anyone like that IRL, but I have seen plenty of stories on tv and the internet about shopping addiction.

I can understand the thrill of a bargain, but it's hard for me to imagine how it could still be giving them their "high" when their houses are full and their bank accounts are empty. It's like any other addiction, I think-- they need help to stop.

**nodmicks** · 03-03-2008, 04:24 PM

Yep, I have a very broke and in debt friend who is a shopping addict.

**kettlecorn** · 03-04-2008, 03:14 AM

Yes, I know someone with who I think has a shopping addiciton. Not for bargains though, unless getting a $30 shirt on sale for $19 is what you call a bargain (I do not!) It's as if she feels she has nothing else to do. I swear she is at the mall at least 4 days of every week and even if she isnt buying anything, she is returning something she just bought or she is "just looking"-don't understand the reasoning with that though.

**M55FF** · 03-04-2008, 08:20 AM

This is my first time to meet anyone like this in real life too. Before this only heard about it on TV.
The baragins they get are real and good ( this person IS a good shopper to find the baragins) but they don't know where to draw the line and end up living in a house where there are boxes lined up on the walls and piled up eye height... like massive hoarding.
The kitchen has boxes of food lined up on the counters and floor where there is only a foot wide path to get through.
The dining room has boxes of kitchen stuff like blenders and bowls, patio furniture ( all bought at fantastic discounts of up to 90-95% off) and it looks like this has been going on for a few years.
They bought 2 other storage buildings to put more stuff. New lawnmowers still in boxes, patio umbrellas they have had 10 years and never used.
and everyday they go shop for more.

The mechanism that says STOP or YOU DON"T NEED THAT is broken. The only switch that works is "BARGAIN- got to have it"
I guess so the rush or thrill follows.

This person is not in debt, comes from a fairly wealthy family who have helped them get started in comfort.
The problem is the shopping and apparent addiction of buying things just to buy them ( finding baragins) and the clutter and stress theybring in not being able to live like a normal person but a miserly hermit amist a supply warehouse right in the middle of suburbia.
At first I didn't realize this was the problem until I saw the house ( more like a warehouse) and because I never knew anyone like this in real life it took me awhile to figure out what it was.
I mentioned "recreational shopping" to them and wandering stores to find bargains may be a way of hiding from reality.
I did not know how this all worked but have had to come to look at it now because it effects someone I know.

and........
to recognize that this is so they don't teach it to me. What a terrible way to live life.... even if the baragins are fantastic...
if you dont need it and have no room for it... are not buying to resell it or give it away as a wedding gift... you should think carefully about buying it because STUFF will bring stress and clutter into your life.

**frugalandsimple** · 03-04-2008, 08:31 AM

My mom like that in a way. Since my sister died a few years ago, her life has been revolved in renovating the house and making it look "perfect" My mom does "recreational shopping" too and buy things she doesn't need. Sometimes, it seems she puts things over people without realizing it.

**peanut** · 03-04-2008, 08:39 AM

You know, this goes for taking free stuff as well. I've been on-line with Full Circles and Freecycle and, sure, everything's a great deal (can't get better than free!). But you still have to ask yourself "Am I going to use it?" "When?" "Do I have room to store it?" "How much value is it to me compared to the space it's going to take up?" All thoughtful questions.

Jean

**M55FF** · 03-04-2008, 08:47 AM

peanut that is exactly my point.

**ironmaiden** · 03-04-2008, 11:47 AM

My sister. Though it has nothing to do with bargains. Her apartment is literally only has paths through it. The couch has room for one to sit. The bedroom has mountains of clothes all over the floor and her queen size bed has room for one. The UPS guy after making many, many trips to her apartment said to her one day "you got to be out of money by now". She's been bankrupt once.

Bipolar, shopping to fill emotional needs.

She once said that she had saved up some money and would have to make a decision on whether to go back to school or buy a place. So instead of making a decision, she took away the ability to make the decision by blowing all the money.

It's been hard for me to stand back and watch this. But, I've learned over the years that I can't "fix" her. So I have a choice of having a sister in my life or constantly battling with her.

**forHISglory** · 03-04-2008, 12:14 PM

This was my ex SIL. She was mentally ill, and with her compulsive shopping (most of it done on-line), she drained the bank account and lost the family business. My brother, bless his heart, said that he vowed at the wedding to be there thru sickness and health. But SIL decided to file for divorce, and it was probably for the best. But brother will be working the rest of his life to pay off her debts. (she committed herself to an institution).

**changed4life** · 03-04-2008, 12:22 PM

I think this type of shopping is definitely an addiction. I find it to be a way for people to fill an empty space inside. It gives them something to do (perhaps because they're lonely or have no purpose in life), or they are always in some way "searching" for that "thing" that they need to make everything feel ok in their world. Little do they know that the thing they are looking for is not material...it's spiritual or emotional, but the material things they buy are a good substitute for what they're looking for but can't find. KWIM?

I disconnected from a friend who had this problem; I found myself catching her bad habit and realized that I had some emptiness in me too. I replaced it with a more spiritual life and feel completely fulfilled now.

**MirandaK** · 03-04-2008, 12:28 PM

I wouldn't say I was a recreational shopper but for years I practiced retail therapy. I was unhappy in my 1st marriage and got really into the rush that came from a new bag of books from Barnes & Noble or that cute sweater in Old Navy's window. I had to address the things that were making me unhappy and once i did that...I barely ever shop anymore.

**justpeachy92** · 03-04-2008, 12:38 PM

My grandmother is this way, for years she lived in one house and all her bargains lived in the house my grandparents owned next door to the one they lived in. My grandmother sold the second home after my grandpa died so now she lives with all her bargains. My grandmother doesn't keep her stuff though. She averages adopting about 30 families for Christmas, so she is shopping for them. She also does baskets and food for these same families at Easter. If a family in her community loses everything due to a fire or some other natural disaster she is calling around to find out where to take donations. My grandmother has a big heart and loves to help out, though she also lives on a fixed income and has come up short on money for things she truely needs after buying all her bargains.

**pkellyc** · 03-04-2008, 01:17 PM

I know someone who works at JCPenny and shops daily. She buys off the clearance racks for anyone she knows then expects them to cough up the money for her deals. Her own sister is fed up with her. She is now shopping for my daughters and they don't like it either.

**Toonces2** · 03-04-2008, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by pkellyc

I know someone who works at JCPenny and shops daily. She buys off the clearance racks for anyone she knows then expects them to cough up the money for her deals. Her own sister is fed up with her. She is now shopping for my daughters and they don't like it either.

I'd tell her thanks but no thanks! If I'm going to spend money on clothes I want to be the one to pick them out.....that would make me irritated too! It sounds like she uses other people's money to fuel her shopping addiction!

My cousin practices retail therapy. She has more clothes than anyone I've ever met in my lfe and most of them collect dust in her closet. She buys just because it's a good deal not because she needs it.