I need a frugal reality slap in the face please

**NoDebtMom** · 04-09-2008, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl

Wow, people get very up in arms about invites!
I might get flamed here, but as someone who loves great stationary, and I have been know to spend an obscene amount of $ on it, I always try to do really special, interesting invites. For my house warming I hand painted 75 little wooden houses then decoupaged the invite info to the back of each one. For Em's christening I did the 3 piece ribbon invite on vellum. For her 1st birthday I have bought blank cards that I am doing on the computer and adding 3-d butterflies and her photo dressed as a fairy on the front of. Sometimes, having nice things and throwing great parties is just to do that, not to fault anyone else.

I agree. That is one downfall of always being frugal minded, I think sometimes people lose sight of that fact that spending money is not necessarily a sign of being competitive or a crime! lol Now, the op's mother's attitude was snarky, but maybe the cousin really wanted fancy invites. Or didn't have time to hand write them, or.... it really doesn't matter, that is her business. I would give the op some loving advice to learn to not care about what other people do!

**Southlake** · 04-09-2008, 02:33 PM

Well... when I was in highschool and living with dad and stepmom, they had a house in the nicest part of town in one of the more expensive cities in the Bay Area. 7000 sf custom homes, gated community, etc, etc. (oh how things have changed) "Frugal" was practically a dirty word. But, I can say that every single kid's bday pary invitation we received from our neighbors was hand written or printed out on a computer. Heck, every party invitation was like that (save for a 50 year anniversary party). All the moms would "oh those are so cute, I love Barbie" or whatever over the invitations, the gift bags were from Target or Walmart or wherever. Nothing special, nothing fancy. It was a kid's party, people were more focused on pinatas than impressing anyone.

**shoiji** · 04-09-2008, 02:49 PM

I think Elmo invitations are perfect for a 1 year old. Personally I never received an invitation to a childs birthday party for family. Just told what day and time it was. Yea, I do remember getting them sometimes for a friends birthday and they were fun. And all handwritten. I think it is great to stay old school sometimes.

**joyofsix** · 04-09-2008, 03:03 PM

You have a lovely baby. Don't let other's ruin your joy in him and his special day. As for invitations...well, maybe I'm alone but I never even pay attention. I put the date on the calendar and pitch the thing. The same with Christmas, birthday, etc. I'm just not a card person I guess. Save your money and indulge him when he's older and can remember.

**kaykwilts** · 04-09-2008, 03:10 PM

Your baby is one. Whether or not you have expensive invitations or invitations from a discount places does not matter to the baby. All you need to do is see the light on his face and know he had a good time at his party. You would be surprised at people who have money like your cousin but choose the frugal alternative like you did. Really the only purpose of the expensive ones is to impress people. Don't fall into that trap.

**AmyBoz** · 04-09-2008, 03:37 PM

It's a first birthday party, for crying out loud! (Frustration with the printed invites...not with you) Spending more money on something does not indicate that you love your child more than someone who handwrites their invitations.

Keeping up with the Joneses is relatively easy for adults when we are just dealing with things that affect ourselves. It is definitely harder when it affects your children. Will their friends say bad things about them if they don't have the latest, the greatest, the most expensive? But, these are the times when we really need to stay strong and teach our kids about the things that are really important in life.

My dd just turned 7 and, as we do every year, we allowed her to invite a couple of her very best friends over and we had a party. Everything was handmade (or computer printed) and it was a frugal party. She (and several of her friends) said it was the best party they had ever been to. And, she's in a class where every party this year has been at a place: a gymnastics place, a skating place, a dance studio, etc. So, it's about what you do, not what you spend.

I know I'm rambling here...I just get a little worked up about this topic.

And again, I say...it's a first birthday party!

**FrugalWitch** · 04-09-2008, 04:16 PM

I don't even see or understand the point of inviting people to a party for a child too young to remember the event. If the kid was turning 4 or older, yeah I can see having a party with invited friends of the child, but younger than 4 I would've thought was immediate family only. JMHO

**Athena31** · 04-09-2008, 11:44 PM

Some people just don't get it, in your case it is the other people that aren't getting it, not you. You and your DS will be inie with Elmo and it will be a great time because it was done with LOVE!! Keep up the good work you are a great mom!

**Pemberleyan** · 04-10-2008, 05:22 PM

I think children's birthday parties have gotten ridiculously out of hand in the same old keep up with the Joneses way. Hold your head up.

**LuvMyHubby** · 04-10-2008, 06:31 PM

I think you are fine with the Elmo invitation's. What counts is that you love your child very much and you will have memories long after any invitation printed or handwritten is long forgotten.

I'm sure your cousin has her reasons for the printed invites, I wouldn't worry about keeping up with her, however I am very sad that your mother seemed to find it such a big deal.

Anyhow, Elmo is all the rage and you did fine and if you are creative or know someone who is then in years to come you can do up some really super invitations that look professional (if you want) or just make you and your child happy to send out.

**dkhd** · 04-11-2008, 03:37 PM

I bought the fill in the blank elmo cards for my son's 2nd birthday. I just found the elmo cake plates and napkins at the dollar tree last night.

If other people want to do it bigger and better--it's on them. But I don't let it bother me at all.

Please don't let people make you feel bad.

**MomK** · 04-11-2008, 05:40 PM

It's all about making memories, and you can't put a price on those!

Have a great 1st birthday party with your DS, and treasure those memories.

**lisettelovebug** · 04-11-2008, 11:41 PM

heh. I'm even more cheaper than you!! lol. I don't buy invitations I make them on my computer. I go online and find pictures of Elmo or whatever character is the theme and save them. They actually turn out pretty nice. I don't use fancy paper either. Just regular computer paper that is folded twice. Then I trim off a little so they will fit in regular size envelopes. When I'm buying supplies for the party, I buy one or two character things, like the tablecloth or napkins and then I just buy solid colored cups, etc that match. I buy the cake pans and make my own cakes. I just learned a new way to decorate a cake with a character and will be trying it this year. Kids don't need expensive parties, especially when they're little. They will have fun no matter what.

**Aragon** · 04-11-2008, 11:55 PM

Custom printed birthday cards for a child's birthday party is one of the dumbest things I've heard in a long time. Good for you not wasting money like that. You'll raise a child who believes his worth isn't contingent on the label on his shirt or his brand of sneakers, and that's the best gift of all. :-)