I need a frugal reality slap in the face please

**kettlecorn** · 04-08-2008, 10:16 PM

I know this isnt a big deal at all but I really need a frugal slap! DS is turning 1 next month and we are having him a birthday party for family and a few friends. We can't do a lot because we are limited on funds. It is Elmo themed and I just went to Kmart and bought invitations to write up. My cousin has a baby 2 weeks older than DS and I just got the inivitation in the mail. They are beautiful, professionally printed. And I feel so-cheap I guess with my hand written Elmo Kmart invitations. I know my cousin is a lawyer and can afford these nice things but I feel bad that I can't for DS. I know that it doesnt matter but I still can't help feeling jealous. It doesnt help either when my mom (who is very much into appearances and nice things) says "oh did you get ___'s birthday invitation? They are so nice. I wonder where she got them done?" and then "Well what about your invitations?" in a tone that is kind of snooty when I tell her that I am writing them up she goes "ohhh" and I could tell that she was being snobby about it. I just need a good frugal slap-I mean they are invitations and who care in 10 years what they looked like? DH thinks it is totally stupid to be worried about this but sometimes I can't help but feel like keeping up with the Joneses, which of course is part of why we are in the mess we are in now. Oh well. thanks for letting me vent everyone.

**Marie78** · 04-08-2008, 10:27 PM

I think your invitations sound nice. I know yours are going out behind the fancy ones your cousin sent, but no one should make you feel bad about yours.

You are having a party for your baby and I wouldn't let what your cousin does ruin your event. I know it's making you feel bad now, and it would me too if I were in your situation. I would write out your invitations on the ones you bought and try to remember that you are going to have a great day with your baby, celebrating his one year birthday and sharing that joy with your friends and family. It will be the special day that you and your family will remember, not the invitations. Although, if you are keeping keepsakes for your baby I would keep one of the invitations you are going to send for a memory. Make sure you toss the cousins invitation though, then years from now you won't remember what hers looked like

.

**latierra84** · 04-08-2008, 11:40 PM

dont spend a second more thinking about them.

when your mother says things like this, or anyone for that matter - remember that the party is not for them, its not for you, its for your little one. some people are going to talk about things regardless of how much money or time or effort was put into them. nothing is ever the way "they" would have done it or liked it. screw that. - its your ds' party, dont let that damper your special day with him and y'all guests.

i know y'all will have a great time and make treasured "first birthday party" memories.

**lilk** · 04-08-2008, 11:53 PM

I hope your feeling better. Elmo invitations are just fine, Your ds is just a little one, he would probably love to have one just to look at and play with.
Whats most important is that you celebrate your ds b-day and make fun memories. Take lots of pictures and eat lots and lots of cake.

**kita** · 04-08-2008, 11:54 PM

Think about the values she is modeling for her child. Printed invitations for a one-year-old. I don't even think that is cool even if you can afford them. What will she do for the child at age six when they will actually remember?? Rent a zoo? If you want to get snobby, I say write those invitations, and put a note in it about how the party will be simple because you are going to donate some money to a charity in a third world country where a large percentage of kids don't make it to a year old. Then you can feel all smug and self-righteous.

Okay, your personal motivation in that situation may not be so great, but it would help your morale. But it might put things in perspective for people. And do the donation. Your kids are living under a tight budget. Other kids are living without clean water. I wish people could keep a clear perspective. (That was directed at your mom and cousin, not you...you obviously know what is right even though you just aren't feeling it at the moment.)

**kellydoeshair** · 04-09-2008, 12:35 AM

I don't know about the rest of you
but I most certainly do not remember my first birthday party
I know there's pics of my family in our then TINY TINY condo with me shoving my face in a cake and my dad in a party hat
and they are great pics
there's no "theme"
it was just me, my mom, dad, and grandma
I looked like I had a lot of fun
I was covered in cake

just a thought
spring for a REALY REAL party for a bday HE'LL actually remember
don't stress yourself out
smile for pictures and all will be well

**McD** · 04-09-2008, 12:40 AM

Personally, I think a handwritten invitation is a labor of love.

**Samigirl** · 04-09-2008, 01:22 AM

All that really matters is creating a special moment in time for your precious son. If other people don't get that, then I think it's a lack of character. I decided long ago, that my children would never be the kids with the coolest toys, designer clothes, or the first to own the newest gadgets. But, they were going to know that their parents loved them, adored spending time with them, and thought they were the greatest thing that had ever happened in life. THAT'S the kind of thing your son will remember as he grows....not material junk. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to let it get to you. There will ALWAYS be someone who can outdo you. But, you have something worth so much more than material things. You are on the path to financial freedom...which can lead to a happier, less stressful life. What a gift that will be to your son.

(By the way, I think Elmo invitations sound much more fun. My son had an Elmo party when he turned two. Also, I don't mean to imply that I don't spend money on my kids...I do. I just know I have to stay within my personal comfort level, and not worry about what the Jones' are doing.)

**qwekelly** · 04-09-2008, 01:57 AM

Professional cards for a kid's birthday? No thanks. I actually think your Elmo invitations sounds way cooler and like they have some love put into them. Kid's birthdays are supposed to be fun and I'm sure you'll make it that way for your son.

**Emjo** · 04-09-2008, 02:01 AM

Somebody is always going to have a bigger, better and more expensive something. Don't worry about it! This party is about celebrating your little boy (and 1 year of motherhood, that's a big deal!), and frankly, he's not going to know what the heck is going on anyways! Mine just smeared cake all over his tray and played with his new toys, he was oblivious to everything else.

**kettlecorn** · 04-09-2008, 02:50 AM

Thanks guys. It just gets so hard sometimes when I see everyone else with the latest and greatest and I know it doesnt matter in the end but sometimes I can't help but feel bad. And yes, our goal is financial freedom and the ability for me to be a SAHM in the next couple of years which will I think will be a great gift to DS and our future children (God willing).

**Scattymum** · 04-09-2008, 03:51 AM

The way I look at it is..

what do people do with the invitations once they are recieved? do they keep them? I doubt it, the date is noted and the invitation finds its way to the bin or recycling lol.

I think the elmo ones sound great!!!

**Dutchie** · 04-09-2008, 06:19 AM

Originally Posted by Scattymum

The way I look at it is..

what do people do with the invitations once they are recieved? do they keep them? I doubt it, the date is noted and the invitation finds its way to the bin or recycling lol.

I think the elmo ones sound great!!!

I agree completely.

**WV_mom_of2** · 04-09-2008, 07:15 AM

A one year old's party should be about the child in my opinion. If your child was old enough to know or care what the invitations looked like, he'd pick the Elmo ones. The fancy invite is not about her child, it's about HER saying "oh look at me and my money"! Send out your handwritten invites and have a great time at the party!
*and on a side note, there have been years when the invites to my kid's party were printed out on our computer! I could customize them and print them myself! So cheap and NOT fancy!*

**Lady_V** · 04-09-2008, 07:26 AM

Please tell me hers were embossed too Personally, I think it's a bit much...

Don't fret about the Kmart invites... technically, they are professionally printed invites too... AND personally customized. (Sometimes you need to flip things to see things differently)

As for me, I bought DD's 8th bday invites at the dollar store... kittens, and she picked them out. We are even getting the 'goody bag' things there... she had a choice in a small (more expensive) party or the one she is having.