What would you do?

[Cricket1]

This may be long...I have a friend at work, we'll call her Brenda. Brenda and I used to go out after work quite a bit, for appetizers and drinks..maybe once every other week. Sometimes we would go out by ourselves, sometimes with other coworkers. I considered her a friend, but now I think I was all wrong. She hasn't gone out for a while with us because her hours changed slightly and now she only gets out at our time about two times/week. I've asked her several times to go back out with us--I've emailed her once letting her know we miss hanging out with her. I shared my chocolate stash with her--lol. Whenever we see each other at work now, I stop and talk to her and all she does is complain about her job, talk about whatever is new with her, blah, blah, blah. She RARELY asks (and if she does, it's quick and after I've listened to her vent for 20 minutes) about how I'm doing. When we used to go out she would ask more about me and we had great conversations that had nothing to do with either of us--just stuff like gratitude, etc. Even though she doesn't have kids, we had plenty of common stuff to talk about.

She has a new job (which is why the hours have changed) and I think she's totally stressed out. Last night, I saw her at work and asked if she wanted to get together sometime this week and she just said "no"--no explanations, nothing. So I said, "That's okay--you can keep blowing me off." and walked away. I know that sounds like a little temper tantrum on my part, but it wasn't. I said it politely and calmly enough. I'm hurt because I thought we were friends. I know she's not angry with anything I've said because I never get a word in edgewise. LOL. I was angry because I listen to her rant all the time and she can't even offer an explanation or respond in any way.

So--would you just let it go? I guess I really don't have anything else to say to her. Would you ask her what happened? I'm so curious, but I think it's best to just let things go.

[Jamauk]

Based on how your relationship used to be, and how its changed - I would put my money on her being miserable in her new job. It sounds like she's maybe overly stressed and I know when I get like that, its like my brain puts blinders on - when I talk to my friends I honestly completely forget to ask them about their lives/family. I usually call back the next day and apologize (when things have settled down for me) - but if she's constantly stressed, things might not settle down and she may not even realize how she's treating you.

She may also not even realize you are reaching out to her. If she really is that stressed out and overwhelmed, catching a drink after dinner may be your way of relaxing, but it may sound to her like just one more thing to add to her never ending "to do" list.

I would simply let her know that she always has an open invitation to go out with you guys, but just leave it at that.

Just my .02

[mombottoo]

Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with you. If she is trying to adjust to her new job that could be part of the problem and maybe she is having trouble in her personal life that she just doesn't want to share.

Whether we like it or not "no" is an answer and usually if I tell someone "no" I don't offer an explanation as to why the answer is "no". I would let it go and if the time comes that she is ready to let you in on what's going on great, if not...move on.

[Jerseygirl]

Yeah, what they said. Don't take it personally.

[Dancing Lotus]

Im sorry . I know it hurts.

She probably is stressed with her new job. I think you have done all that you can and it's time to let it go. If she wants to hang out again let her call you. Bug hugs..

[C@rol]

I agree with the above posters. Don't be to angry with her you never know what she's going through. Maybe just back off a bit and when she's feeling better or less stressed she may approach you. If not like they say don't take it personally and move on. All the best to you.

[cissylu]

yep I agree with everyone else.

[IntlMom]

of course on the other hand......
My best friend lives in SD, and for several months, there was this gal that really befriend her and they hung out together for months and months. Untill one day, this gal found another friend and didn't "need" my friend anymore. This gal goes thru friends about every 10 months or so. It's weird.

I'm sure this isn;t your situation, it just made me think of it!